The Parenting Thread

[Raider]

*Second best piece of advice? When your kid gets old enough to interact and react to you, you are going to fall that stupidly in love that everything else in your life will take a back seat FOREVER. It's a love unlike any other. Orion is a bit over 20 months old now and I live for that kid, when I come home and he does his happy dance and breaks into a huge giggling smile because he sees his Dad, it's like being filled with the purest energon straight from the cup of Primus served by a scantily armored Arcee - it's just pure happiness x10 and makes every sleepless night, trip to the doctors and lack of time and money just totally worth it :)

+1

Don't be alarmed if you don't feel this way instantly. A lot of people talk about how they fall in love with their child the moment they are born, and movies and TV portray it that way, but love generally grows. The older they get and the more they begin to interact with you is when these feelings, in my experience, really begin to flourish.

[Gofigure]

Those first 6 months are very intense. And almost break you and your partner at times

But now I have a 6 year old boy whom I adore and he thinks that I am some kind of Master of the Universe :p The 3 am drives around the block with him in the back seat when he was a non sleeping baby just to have him stop crying for half an hour are a distant distant memory.....

[GoktimusPrime]

My daughter's performed in 3 recitals in the past week (Chinese school, Japanese school & dance). It's not just time spent watching them, but also in helping her prepare for them. :o All fun, but having 3 in a space of a week has been a bit intense. Phwoar...

[Sinnertwin]

missing toy time are ya, Goki? :p;)

[GoktimusPrime]

missing toy time are ya, Goki? :p;)
Por que no los dos? I had One Step Change High Octane Bumblebee w/ me during her Japanese school and dance performances. I think I had Generations Trailcutter on me during the Chinese school performance.

[GoktimusPrime]

Just spent most of today constructing a double bunk bed. Not nearly as fun as it looks. :rolleyes: (-_-)

[jazzcomp]

Should've gotten the triple one :)

[Thurmus]

Christmas two years ago I did my back constructing two presents. They took three and a half hours.

Sometimes finding the balance between them and you time is very difficult and frustrating.

[GoktimusPrime]

An excellent article on raising multilingual children (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bradbury) :)

[Bartrim]

Just spent most of today constructing a double bunk bed. Not nearly as fun as it looks. :rolleyes: (-_-)

Something your not telling us ;)

[GoktimusPrime]

Something your not telling us ;)
Mother-in-law sleeps on the bottom bunk. :o

[GoktimusPrime]

I dare anyone to watch this video without shedding a tear of joy on the inside. ;) I seem to have something in my eye... :p
http://surprise.littlethings.com/sailor-surprises-cheerleader-daughter/?utm_source=spcl&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=mom-surprises-daughter

[jazzcomp]

Try this one - teary :) (www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdkrkX5DgI)

Smack - ??? (https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/26247921/mum-charged-for-slapping-son/)

[drifand]

Try this one - teary :) (www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdkrkX5DgI)

This happens in real life overseas.

Smack - ??? (https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/26247921/mum-charged-for-slapping-son/)

This I think police may be overreacting. In some ways I think is wrong > not the parents. Sure, it makes me think twice about lecturing my child in public.
But the whole thing feels wrong.

[GoktimusPrime]

It's hard to judge because we weren't there and we didn't see what the slap was like. Corporal punishment between parents and children is still legal in Australia provided that it is "reasonable." If the slap was perceived as "unreasonable," then police have grounds to arrest the woman and press charges. At any rate, it's now up to the courts to decide if the force used was reasonable or unreasonable. Unreasonable force isn't legally permissible in self defence against an adult attacker, so understandably it wouldn't be permissible in executing corporal punishment against one's child.

[drifand]

I do agree but seeing there were no injury to the children, and she had no convictions, she should be warned.

I don't think it will be justified if she gets charged.

[GoktimusPrime]

Again, it's hard to judge when we have so little evidence before us. Just because a strike doesn't leave a mark doesn't mean that unreasonably excessive force wasn't used. 99% of strikes that I've sustained in my training did not injure me, but they definitely hurt! :o Slaps can hurt -- a lot. In fact, many martial arts do employ the use of open handed strikes (https://sobukanjapan.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/teishou-uchi-demura.jpg), including slapping (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdCiy_kA7FU). Some practitioners slap objects as part of their conditioning training (e.g. water (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1qiH-VIVmCM/VFD_3CM5OMI/AAAAAAAAAlk/uYQCwNlDUhE/s1600/Shaolin%2BIron%2BPalm%2BTraining.jpg), sandbags (http://www.fuhok.com/Hung%20Gar%20Training/iron-palm-one.jpg) etc.) in order to harden their hands for slapping. And keep in mind that a slap which may not hurt an adult as much, would be far more painful to a small child.

But unless you witnessed this incident, then neither you nor I know what the nature of the slap was; whether it was a hard spank across the face, or a lighter smack... I don't know. The only people who would know would be the mother, the child and any witnesses. I'm not saying that the charges against the mother are justified or not, I'm just saying that I don't know! Having said that, I do believe that she does deserve the presumption of innocence until proven guilty (as does any accused). :)

[drifand]

I am glad I saw this though, I came from parents who do smack and slap our faces. Heck we even had public cane session in school assembly in Singapore.
All these have went out of the window, but I do realise some kids are more bolder to challenge parents now.

[BigTransformerTrev]

Try this one - teary :) (www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdkrkX5DgI)

Smack - ??? (https://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/26247921/mum-charged-for-slapping-son/)

Wow - that video gave me a little lump in the throat :o


I do agree but seeing there were no injury to the children, and she had no convictions, she should be warned.

I don't think it will be justified if she gets charged.


The debate about giving a smack is just now raising itself in our household. Our son is two and has just started to sometimes do things he knows he shouldn't. We try and tell him no and if that doesnt work growl at him(not yell and scream though). Sometimes though he is occasionally violent by giving my wife hard slaps on the arm if he is upset about something or pulling the cats tail and in cases like that if he doesn't stop I have a couple of times given him a smack on the bum. He's only noticed once or twice as I do it where his padded nappy is and dont have the heart to do it hard. My wife argues we should not use physical discipline at all whereas I think sometimes if it is the only thing that will get through to them it is justified. My mother smacked me and I can only think of two times where she went overboard. I would never slap my child in the face the way the woman in the news story did but I think a firm but restrained whack on the bum is not really child abuse, especially if used only if all other avenues have failed.

Our daughter is two weeks old today. Means we are back to getting no sleep, no free time yadda yadda yadda but she is a little angel and we are a lot calmer this time round than with our first. Our son is so freakin cute with her! He gives her little kisses and hugs and wants to nurse her - it is just so beautiful to see :D

[jazzcomp]

I'm old school so I don't mind this kind of discipline since kids these days are more out of control.

[GoktimusPrime]

I'm a time-outerer. Up to Age 2, my daughter was more frequently misbehaving - and parents need to understand that this is natural. Age 2 (the "Terrible Twos") is when a child is trying to establish what his/her parents' boundaries are. The only way they know is by testing his/her parents' limits. And IMHO this is the most critical time to be really firm but fair when it comes to discipline -- because if you can get your child to be self-disciplined before age 3, then things get so much easier! We were constantly verbally reprimanding and time-outing Yuki from age 1-2. And yes, I would time her out in public. I once established a Naughty Corner at Kansai International Airport in Osaka Japan while lining up to have our passports inspected; I made her stand in that corner for about 3 minutes until she settled, then I squatted down to her eye level and verbally counselled here before moving on.

But when it comes to discipline, I believe in 3 core principles:
1. Be firm.
2. Be fair. Don't be too lenient nor excessively punitive. Also, try to be emotionally detached; always criticise the behaviour and never the child's personality (e.g. don't say, "You're being an idiot!" but rather "That was unacceptable!"). Also don't forget to reward good behaviour; the other side of the discipline coin is positive reinforcement when they do things right. Just simple things like verbal praise, hugs, kisses etc. (e.g. "You've packed away all your books, aren't you a good boy/girl!" <hugs><kisses>)
3. Be consistent. Any time the child steps out of line, issue a consequence (punishment). Any time the child does something good, issue a consquence (reward).

By about age 2.5, my daughter had quickly learnt that there is a 100% chance that there will be a consequence for any of her actions -- both positive and negative reinforcers. Since age 3 we rarely have behaviour issues with her. I've never had any of her teachers ever complain to me about her behaviour; they all say that she's excellently behaved. Her Chinese school teacher told me that although she is physically the youngest child in the class, she is the most emotionally mature - that was last year when she was still in Kindy, and all her other classmates were year 1-2 or older.

[drifand]

great tips, I will have to taken them on board. Is for my own good.
I cant compare how I was treated by my father back then and compared to todays world of discipline. Hopefully it works out well.

[Bartrim]

While driving home with Marcus "The Touch" started playing. Not only was Marcus singing along but when I looked in the rear view mirror he was playing air guitar :cool:

This thread can now be locked as I have won it.

[BigTransformerTrev]

While driving home with Marcus "The Touch" started playing. Not only was Marcus singing along but when I looked in the rear view mirror he was playing air guitar :cool:

This thread can now be locked as I have won it.

Hah! :D:p

Indeed you have sir, indeed you have. I tip my hat to you :)

[GoktimusPrime]

While driving home with Marcus "The Touch" started playing. Not only was Marcus singing along but when I looked in the rear view mirror he was playing air guitar :cool:

This thread can now be locked as I have won it.
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/gif_lock.gif Parenting: You're doing it right. :)


Since age 3 we rarely have behaviour issues with her. I've never had any of her teachers ever complain to me about her behaviour; they all say that she's excellently behaved. Her Chinese school teacher told me that although she is physically the youngest child in the class, she is the most emotionally mature - that was last year when she was still in Kindy, and all her other classmates were year 1-2 or older.
Aaaaaand, naturally I just jinxed myself with that comment. :p :rolleyes:
I went to pick Yuki up from school today and she told me that she was hungry, but she didn't have any more food left. So I dropped her off at Chinese school, then bought a bread roll from a nearby bakery and dropped it off to her in class to eat during their recess break. After getting home, my wife took her lunchbox out of her schoolbag and we discovered that she'd only eaten half of her lunch! :eek: :rolleyes:

So here's what we did...
+ Time out and verbal reprimand for lying to me about not having any food left when she clearly did
+ Verbal counselling which went like this:
"Why do you think you felt hungry after school today?"
"I don't know."
"Yes you do. Think about it."
"Because I didn't eat all of my food."
"How would you feel if you made food for someone and they didn't eat it?"
"Angry!"
"So how do you think grandma feels after you didn't eat all of the food that she made for you?"
"Sad."
"So what do you think you need to say to grandma now?"
"I need to say sorry."

She then went to find her grandmother, sat in Seiza (http://www.shinkitaikarate.ca/Scona/Glossary/S/Seiza/woman%20seiza%20in%20street%20clothes.jpg), bowed (http://www.mainlinebudo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Bowing.jpg) and apologised. After she did this, I gave her kisses and cuddles and praised her for doing the right thing... and dried her tears. :o

Notice that in our discussion, I avoided asking her "Why?" This is because in Choice Theory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_therapy)/PB(E)L (http://www.curriculum.edu.au/leader/positive_behaviour_for_learning,24004.html?issueID =11469) it is strongly suggested that adults avoid asking "Why?" This is because 'Why' questions are more likely to be perceived by the child to be judgmental and questioning the child's core character/moral universe, rather than examining the child's actions. This is why I stuck to "how" and "what" questions instead. How and what questions are also much more effective in eliciting the child to think about what they have done and what they should do in the future to make things better. It prompts the child to self-reflect, and in doing so, self-manage their own behaviour --- the very core of self-discipline.

I didn't tell her what she's done or what she needs to do; rather, I asked her a series of questions to guide her into telling me what she'd done and needs to do. If I'd just said to her, "You were hungry because you didn't finish your lunch. Your grandmother worked hard to make that food for you and you didn't finish it, and she's not happy about it. You need to say sorry." <---this is rather ineffectual. Yuki would not have been required to do any actual thinking, self-reflection or empathy for others, because I would have done all that for her. She would be more likely to give me a hollow token apology (you know, when kids say "sorry" just to get you to leave them alone, but they don't actually mean it or really understand the gravity of what they've done; think 'Jonah' from Summer Heights High ;)).

IMO it's more effective to get children to think about what they've done and think about how to do things better in the future rather than just yelling at them and getting angry. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely did use a stern and "we are not happy with you" voice when I spoke to her, but it wasn't that angry-rage voice that some parents use when they go nuts and yell at their kids etc. And honestly, a calm but unhappy voice can often be scarier than an emotionally heightened shouty voice. :cool:

[drifand]

again, nice tips, I have so much to learn.

[GoktimusPrime]

I was checking my daughter's Japanese school bag after she'd gone to sleep... and I couldn't find her Katakana chart. After much looking and bad words, I still couldn't find it. Then I snuck into her room with a torch and found it in her toy box. She's been trying to teach herself Katakana and must've dumped it there instead of putting it back in her school bag! Gggaaaaaaargh!

I was feeling both absolutely furious that she hadn't put something back where it belongs, but simultaneously delighted that she's been trying to teach herself a new writing system! :eek:

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/homer_angryhappy_zps9552c18f.jpg

[BigTransformerTrev]

The mathematics of being a parent:

2 year old son + 3 week old daughter = no sleep


Damn I'm fricken tired :(

[drifand]

The mathematics of being a parent:

2 year old son + 3 week old daughter = no sleep


Damn I'm fricken tired :(

I have already very little sleep with just one.

[Jetfire in the sky]

The mathematics of being a parent:

2 year old son + 3 week old daughter = no sleep


Damn I'm fricken tired :(

I think there is a good lesson for us single child families out there. Keep it the way it is :)

All the best with your new addition BTT.

[Trent]

So the little fella is 6 months old now. Man that has gone fast!:eek: One of the issues we had with him when he was younger was constipation. As part of the remedy for this, we started him on puréed fruit at 4 months. It worked really well. But now we are trying to get him to eat other things and he won't touch them. All he'll eat is fruit. He won't touch vegetables, farex, meat based stuff. Just fruit. It's starting to get a little frustrating :(

[janda the red]

So the little fella is 6 months old now. Man that has gone fast!:eek: One of the issues we had with him when he was younger was constipation. As part of the remedy for this, we started him on puréed fruit at 4 months. It worked really well. But now we are trying to get him to eat other things and he won't touch them. All he'll eat is fruit. He won't touch vegetables, farex, meat based stuff. Just fruit. It's starting to get a little frustrating :(

Hey mate

We're in the middle of introducing all kinds of puréed food to our 4 month old too. What we are doing is making our own puréed ice blocks of all kinds of veggies and fruit, then mixing fruit and vegies together.

Pear and zucchini
Carrot and apple
Pumpkin and Pear or Apple
Etc...

my wife suggested you guys maybe try these.... Heavier on the fruit to begin with and ween the lil dude on to vegies.

Just food for thought buddy ( pun intended :p ) lol

good luck :)

[GoktimusPrime]

We've been fortunate in that our daughter has never been a particularly fussy eater (I'm a far pickier eater than she is! :p). janda's advice sounds good to me. :)

[Trent]

Hey mate

We're in the middle of introducing all kinds of puréed food to our 4 month old too. What we are doing is making our own puréed ice blocks of all kinds of veggies and fruit, then mixing fruit and vegies together.

Pear and zucchini
Carrot and apple
Pumpkin and Pear or Apple
Etc...

my wife suggested you guys maybe try these.... Heavier on the fruit to begin with and ween the lil dude on to vegies.

Just food for thought buddy ( pun intended :p ) lol

good luck :)

Hey dude!

We have done the same thing with pureed vegetables and frozen them. We have tried to mix them together twice (pear and sweet potato) but he can tell and just shuts his lips and won't let anything in.

We will try some of your combinations and see how he goes :)

[janda the red]

I wish you the best of luck Trent, they can be challenging lil buggars!

Fingers crossed for ya :)

[GoktimusPrime]

Yesterday afternoon my daughter and I watched the first 7 episodes of TF Victory. After tucking her into bed, as I walked away from her room I could hear her saying:
"Let's Say Go!"
"Multi-Out!"
"Brain set!"
:D

She also...
* initially thought that God Ginrai was Optimus Prime. I explained to her that it's not; didn't go into too much detail - just let her know that Ginrai is someone else who just looks like Optimus Prime.
* discovered that the Autobots are called Cybertrons and the Decepticons are called Destrons.
* compared the Micromaster Rescue Patrol with Rescue Bots (and says that Blades is still her favourite).
* really likes Star Sabre's Brainmaster unit (Brain of Courage).
* thinks that the Dino Force are really mean (because they killed Jean's parents) but also really cute - especially Kakuryuu. Although Yokuryuu kinda scares her.
* loves the ending theme song and laughs whenever she hears the line about bed wetting. :o

[BigTransformerTrev]

Why..... Why...... WHY does my 2 1/2 year old insist on getting up at 6am (at the latest) on weekends! :confused::(

[Trent]

Why..... Why...... WHY does my 2 1/2 year old insist on getting up at 6am (at the latest) on weekends! :confused::(

Wow! 6am! I wish. Arty doesn't sleep past 4:30am. We got to 6:15am this morning because he's sick with a cold and was up heaps last night. (But yes, I feel your pain Trev)

Add this to the fact that he is only averaging 3 hours between night feeds at the moment and you have 2 very sleep deprived parents :(

Also, yesterday, before we realised he was sick, we went out for lunch at a cafe. Upon getting back to the car we realised that he had done a poo, so we decide to change him in the boot (we have a hatchback that works really well for that sort of thing) so I pick him up to get ready and feel all wet. I look down to literally see shit _EVERYWHERE_. He had had a poo explosion the likes of which the world had never previously seen. It had leaked through all his clothes, onto his pram and of course, onto me. So we start to change him and of course all he wants to do is put his hands wherever there is poo. And then he tries to put his hands in his mouth :rolleyes:. So we clean the poor waif up, change him, get him in the car and the poor kid still smells like poo. Have to race home and bath him and I then put him down for a sleep while wifey has to wash poo out of everyone's clothes.

Fast forward to today. He has a cold and I have a stupidly sore back from leaning over the boot at an awkward angle trying to change his nappy. Plus did I mention he hardly slept last night?

Parenthood is fun!!!! Seriously you people that go back for more than one kid need your head checked.

[Bartrim]

I have tears running down my face, you poor bastard Trent LMAO :D

I was quite lucky one night when Marcus was about 3 months. Laura had woken up to feed him and she asked me to get her a glass of water. I walk to the kitchen get a glass of water, walk back to the bedroom and discover that the little guy had exploded all over my pillow, right where my head would of been had my wife not asked for a drink.

[GoktimusPrime]

Trent: The poo smell is currently not so bad for you. Just wait until he starts eating proper solids. You will soon discover newfound motivation to want to quickly toilet train your child! :D ;)

Yuki's been sick with a bacterial chest infection all week. She only went to school for one day and will have to take tomorrow off. Gargh. And I still went to her Japanese school yesterday even though she didn't, because I volunteered to help sell tea and coffee as part of the school's ongoing fundraising (it helps to keep school fees down); I took the cash float and account book back with me from the previous week, so I felt obliged to go. There's actually 3 parents rostered onto tea/coffee duty in case one is away, but one other parent has been absent for the last 2 weeks, so if I hadn't turned up, it would've only been that one poor parent doing all the work.

On a lighter note, Yuki's Japanese school teacher told me that she's getting a lot more expressive/talkative in class now, frequently putting her hand up to say something -- which is a big step for her as she's normally quite shy. As the previous week was Mother's Day, the teacher told me that Yuki had told the entire class that:
「お母さんのためのプレゼントはお父さんのトランスフォーマーの部屋に隠した。お母さんはあの部屋に全然入 らないから。」("I've hidden mummy's presents in daddy's Transformers room because mummy never goes in there.")
We were laughing, and then her teacher goes, 「本当にトランスフォーマーの部屋があるの？」("Do you really have a Transformers room?")
I just grinned. :p

[BigTransformerTrev]

Wow! 6am! I wish. Arty doesn't sleep past 4:30am. We got to 6:15am this morning because he's sick with a cold and was up heaps last night. (But yes, I feel your pain Trev)

Add this to the fact that he is only averaging 3 hours between night feeds at the moment and you have 2 very sleep deprived parents :(

Also, yesterday, before we realised he was sick, we went out for lunch at a cafe. Upon getting back to the car we realised that he had done a poo, so we decide to change him in the boot (we have a hatchback that works really well for that sort of thing) so I pick him up to get ready and feel all wet. I look down to literally see shit _EVERYWHERE_. He had had a poo explosion the likes of which the world had never previously seen. It had leaked through all his clothes, onto his pram and of course, onto me. So we start to change him and of course all he wants to do is put his hands wherever there is poo. And then he tries to put his hands in his mouth :rolleyes:. So we clean the poor waif up, change him, get him in the car and the poor kid still smells like poo. Have to race home and bath him and I then put him down for a sleep while wifey has to wash poo out of everyone's clothes.

Fast forward to today. He has a cold and I have a stupidly sore back from leaning over the boot at an awkward angle trying to change his nappy. Plus did I mention he hardly slept last night?

Parenthood is fun!!!! Seriously you people that go back for more than one kid need your head checked.

Struth ya poor bugger!

When Orion was 3 weeks old he did one of those fecal floods and rushing him to get changed I bumped his head and it was bleeding so we rushed him to the emergency ward. It wasn't until we got in to see the doctor that I realised the poo had gone everywhere so much that some of it was matted in his hair :eek: Was so sure they were going to call child protective services on us :o

[Skullcruncher]

Oh my goodness, we have a had a couple of code browns with our little guy - hes nearly 5 months - but nothing like you poor guys! At least its a good laugh now. :D

[M-bot]

At our place, we refer to "poo explosions" as "number 3's". Am I making anyone here jealous if I mention we've never had any >ahem< "finger painting" from our kids?:p

(you watch, now I've said it, it'll happen ths week):)

[GoktimusPrime]

hahaha, we also called them "number 3s" too. :D Also never had faecal finger painting. Didn't even know that was a thing. Eeewww! :eek:

[Bartrim]

My boys are at the age where it's getting increasingly difficult to tell if they are fighting or playing. Lol.

[jazzcomp]

Comparing kids to their friends versus when we were kids or kids in my home country is very difficult.

[unicronsblood]

Just out looking at toys...my 7 month old son trying to grab all the tf's and then crying when i take them off him....looks like he really is dad's boy. :)

[ampoldj]

Every time my 4 month old baby boy becomes cranky I take him to my TF toys and then laughs when he hears "I am Megatron!" From my leader movie toy :D

[AJ_Prime]

When my boys were younger, after I'd asked them to do something they would reply, "Yes, Lord Megatron!".

[MayzaPrime]

My 4 yr old son had a dress up day at his child care. We have a lot of costumes - TMNT, Super Heroes, and TFs. When I asked him what did he want to go as he ran and got an Optimus Prime costume, when I asked him to clean his teeth the then comes out wearing a Ratchet costume:confused:. My 2 yr old daughter (who doesnt have a dress up day for her child care) ran and got a Bumblebee costume. What could I say she was so excited and so cute how could I refuse. After dropping my older 2 boys at school I took the younger 2 to their child care center. My daughter walked into her room and yelled "Im Bumblebee" it was just adorable, I couldnt help but laugh. :D

[BigTransformerTrev]

My 4 yr old son had a dress up day at his child care. We have a lot of costumes - TMNT, Super Heroes, and TFs. When I asked him what did he want to go as he ran and got an Optimus Prime costume, when I asked him to clean his teeth the then comes out wearing a Ratchet costume:confused:. My 2 yr old daughter (who doesnt have a dress up day for her child care) ran and got a Bumblebee costume. What could I say she was so excited and so cute how could I refuse. After dropping my older 2 boys at school I took the younger 2 to their child care center. My daughter walked into her room and yelled "Im Bumblebee" it was just adorable, I couldnt help but laugh. :D

Very cool :)


Did anyone elses toddler go through a stage where they seemed to need hardly any sleep? Up until a few months ago Orion would have a daytime name for 1 1/2 to 3 hours, be in bed by 8pm and then get up around half seven in the morning.

Now if he has even a short daytime nap he's up half the night! And it seems no matter what time we put him to bed he is up 10 hours later at maximum. So if he goes to bed at 9pm he's up by 7am. Last night he was asleep by 8.30pm but then was up this morning at 5.45am!

Shouldn't toddlers sleep more than this? He's still only 2 1/2. But he doesn't even seem tired with this drastic reduction in sleep.

[Bartrim]

Very cool :)


Did anyone elses toddler go through a stage where they seemed to need hardly any sleep? Up until a few months ago Orion would have a daytime name for 1 1/2 to 3 hours, be in bed by 8pm and then get up around half seven in the morning.

Now if he has even a short daytime nap he's up half the night! And it seems no matter what time we put him to bed he is up 10 hours later at maximum. So if he goes to bed at 9pm he's up by 7am. Last night he was asleep by 8.30pm but then was up this morning at 5.45am!

Shouldn't toddlers sleep more than this? He's still only 2 1/2. But he doesn't even seem tired with this drastic reduction in sleep.

I went through 6.5 years of that. We eventually discovered that Marcus' brain does not produce Melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Thankfully he now takes 3ml in a synthetic form before bed and he now sleeps 10-12 hrs a night... As opposed to the 4 I got for the those first 6.5 years.

For any adult having trouble sleeping I recommend Melatonin. It is a natural hormone so there are no side effects. However in Australia you need a script for it. You can purchase it off American based websites like onnit as it is an over the counter product over seas.

[GoktimusPrime]

Here's a list (http://www.immunehealthscience.com/foods-with-melatonin.html) of foods that naturally contain melatonin. I can personally vouch for rolled oats as I love tucking into a bowl of muesli after a hard day before going off to sleep. :D

[Megatran]

For any adult having trouble sleeping I recommend Melatonin. It is a natural hormone so there are no side effects. However in Australia you need a script for it. You can purchase it off American based websites like onnit as it is an over the counter product over seas.
I use to have trouble sleeping, until my better half gave me chloroform or rohypnol. Works a treat. Couldn't remember much of the night before but I did feel less energetic in the morning. But yeah, seek advice from your GP / pharmacist before taking medicines.

[Bartrim]

Here's a list (http://www.immunehealthscience.com/foods-with-melatonin.html) of foods that naturally contain melatonin. I can personally vouch for rolled oats as I love tucking into a bowl of muesli after a hard day before going off to sleep. :D

Milk contains melatonin and my son has a glass before bed and that doesn't help. I'll stick to the synthetic version.

[GoktimusPrime]

My last post wasn't meant to sound like some tree-hugging "Go organic!" hippie thing. I just meant that for those of us whose kids don't have a diagnosed medical issue that affects sleep, then these natural sources might help. But if your child's brain actually doesn't produce the hormone, then yeah, by all means use the synthetic! :D

[BigTransformerTrev]

I went through 6.5 years of that. We eventually discovered that Marcus' brain does not produce Melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Thankfully he now takes 3ml in a synthetic form before bed and he now sleeps 10-12 hrs a night... As opposed to the 4 I got for the those first 6.5 years.

For any adult having trouble sleeping I recommend Melatonin. It is a natural hormone so there are no side effects. However in Australia you need a script for it. You can purchase it off American based websites like onnit as it is an over the counter product over seas.

Hmmm, something to consider, though hopefully it's just a phase he's going through

[BigTransformerTrev]

Just a couple of nice little moments I'd like to share :)

We are trying to get our 6 month old daughter Acacia to sleep in the crib of a night instead of with us with limited sucess. But the other night as I was falling asleep I reached over and my hand touched hers. Her little fingers curled around mine and we both fell asleep holding hands :)

Then two nights ago I was reading my 2 1/2 old son his usual litany of bedtime stories in the rocking chair. He decided to just lie back sideways in my lap and looked up at me with a very peaceful loving face. He then very lighly reached up and was tracing parts of my face (eyebrows, forehead etc) with his fingertips. For a lad who is so rambunctious it was a very peaceful & sweet moment :)

Anyway, they were just two happy little bonding moments I felt I'd like to share :)

[Bartrim]

Those bonding moments make you forget all about the screaming and fighting :p

The other night I was reading a bedtime story to Josh and since it was a weekend I hadn't shaved in a couple of days. Josh looked up at me ...

Josh "Does it hurt Daddy?"
Me "Does what hurt buddy?"
Josh "When those spikes come out of your face?"
:D

[Trent]

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads here. Hope you got some cool loot! :)

[Raider]

Happy father's day all. My wife and son have preordered transformers devastation for me so pretty happy with my score :)

[Starscream77]

Happy Fathers Day to all of us who have forgotten what 8 hours sleep means.

Scored Cupola off the wife which was an awesome surprise, didn't know she paid attention to my TF ramblings

[jazzcomp]

Happy Father's day go all Dads! May our kids inherit our love forTFs. ;)

[BigTransformerTrev]

Happy Father's day go all Dads! May our kids inherit our love forTFs. ;)

Yeah, hope all the other Dads out there had as nice a Fathers Day as I did. :)

Orion definetly knows the Transformers now, when he sees an Autobot symbol anywhere he goes 'Transformers!' - its very cute :D


Since becoming a Dad I've been turned around on the idea of spanking. Bear in mind I'm not trying to kick off a heated debate about this or judging anyone in any way, because I know it can be a touchy subject.

My wife is very anti-spanking. I've always held that as long as it's done appropriately and never with excessive frequency or force there is nothing wrong with it. I was spanked and I can only think of two times in my entire life that my mum probably went a bit far. Never resented my parents for it or felt scarred by it.

Orion is getting towards 3 now and when he was a bit younger I had spanked him a couple of times. It was usually if he kept doing the same thing after multiple warnings and if he was hurting someone (the cat, his little sister etc). It was never too hard and on a nappy-padded bum but the shock was enough to upset him. But my missus kept telling me that it sent the wrong message by telling him that violence was wrong by answering it with another act of violence.

I've come to see her point of view. In part I think it's just because I am so in love with my son and we have such a close relationship that for him to ever look at me in fear would just break my heart so I don't want to spank him (I didn't want to before or ever but saw it as perhaps a necessary action). Currently we are doing 'time out' where if he keeps it up he goes to his room for two minutes while we hold the door shut - he hates that because he wants to be with everyone else. And if he is hurting the cat/sister/mum I will grab his arm quite firmly, pull him away and give him a telling off which does upset him. But I'm officially a non-spanker now and think I will remain that way. Never thought I'd be on that side of the fence but it seems to be where I've ended up.

Once again, I am really not judging or condemming anyone who gives the odd spank if its done appropriately. I thought it was really stupid when that mum got arrested a couple of years ago for giving her kid a little whack on the bum in a shopping centre when the kid was going off its nut. But I'm interested to hear what other parents think about spanking in general. I'd bring this up on FB but I just know it would bring all the crazies out of the woodwork to scream at each other, people are a little bit more sane here :)

[Trent]

Yeah, hope all the other Dads out there had as nice a Fathers Day as I did. :)

Orion definetly knows the Transformers now, when he sees an Autobot symbol anywhere he goes 'Transformers!' - its very cute :D


Since becoming a Dad I've been turned around on the idea of spanking. Bear in mind I'm not trying to kick off a heated debate about this or judging anyone in any way, because I know it can be a touchy subject.

My wife is very anti-spanking. I've always held that as long as it's done appropriately and never with excessive frequency or force there is nothing wrong with it. I was spanked and I can only think of two times in my entire life that my mum probably went a bit far. Never resented my parents for it or felt scarred by it.

Orion is getting towards 3 now and when he was a bit younger I had spanked him a couple of times. It was usually if he kept doing the same thing after multiple warnings and if he was hurting someone (the cat, his little sister etc). It was never too hard and on a nappy-padded bum but the shock was enough to upset him. But my missus kept telling me that it sent the wrong message by telling him that violence was wrong by answering it with another act of violence.

I've come to see her point of view. In part I think it's just because I am so in love with my son and we have such a close relationship that for him to ever look at me in fear would just break my heart so I don't want to spank him (I didn't want to before or ever but saw it as perhaps a necessary action). Currently we are doing 'time out' where if he keeps it up he goes to his room for two minutes while we hold the door shut - he hates that because he wants to be with everyone else. And if he is hurting the cat/sister/mum I will grab his arm quite firmly, pull him away and give him a telling off which does upset him. But I'm officially a non-spanker now and think I will remain that way. Never thought I'd be on that side of the fence but it seems to be where I've ended up.

Once again, I am really not judging or condemming anyone who gives the odd spank if its done appropriately. I thought it was really stupid when that mum got arrested a couple of years ago for giving her kid a little whack on the bum in a shopping centre when the kid was going off its nut. But I'm interested to hear what other parents think about spanking in general. I'd bring this up on FB but I just know it would bring all the crazies out of the woodwork to scream at each other, people are a little bit more sane here :)

I'm the same Trev, I was always of the opinion that a little whack on the bum wouldn't hurt, but now, having a son of my own, I'm completely against the idea. Like you though, I have nothing against parents who do choose to spank their kids. As the parental saying goes, "You do what you have to do".

And yes, Fathers Day was awesome :D

[GoktimusPrime]

Just read yet another article about some new-age method of parenting, blah blah blah. There are so many different schools of thought when it comes to managing children's behaviour, and it can be mind boggling for new parents. In my experience as both a parent and teacher, I just describe behaviour management with what I call the "Three Be's":
Be firm
Be fair
Be consistent

In my experience, if you stick to these three principles, then the behaviour management side of parenting (or teaching) becomes pretty easy (most of the time ;)). I found that it was especially important to get this done when our daughter was around age 1-2 - hence why it's often called the "Terrible Twos." It's a bloody tough time -- Yuki drove us mental at this age -- but because we stuck to the 'Three Be's', things got a LOT easier from age 3 onwards. I don't need to shout or get angry or scold her, because she mostly just manages her own behaviour now.

-----------------------------------------------------
*Special behavioural needs not withstanding ;)

[GoktimusPrime]

For anyone who may be considering having a Transformers-based baby name, here are some Transformers names which might pass off as regular human names:
* Alan (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Alan_(ROC)) (♀)
* Alice (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Alice) (♀)
* Angela (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Angela) (♀)
* Arcana (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Arcana_(G1)) (♀)
* Ariel (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Elita_One) (♂♀)
* Chase (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Chase_(G1)) (♂♀)
* Cosmo(s) (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Cosmos_(G1)) (♂♀)
* Daniel (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Daniel_Witwicky_(G1)) (Witwicky) (♂)
* Esmeral (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Esmeral_(Victory))(da) (♀)
* Irving (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Sparkplug_Witwicky) (Witwicky) (♂)
* Jack (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Jack_(Headmasters)) (♂)
* Joe (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Joe_(ROC)) (♂), or Jo (♀)
* Karmen (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Karmen) (♀)
* Kirk (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Kirk) (♂)
* Leonie (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Lione) (♀)
* Minerva (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Minerva) (♀)
* Nancy (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Nancy) (♀)
* Nautica (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Nautica) (♀)
* Orion (Pax) (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Optimus_Prime_(G1)) (♂)
* Rodney (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Rodney) (♂)
* Rosanna (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Rosanna_(KP)) (♀)
* William (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Sparkplug_Witwicky) (Witwicky) (♂)
* Yuki(kaze) (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Yukikaze_(Headmasters)) (♂♀; depending on Kanji/meaning)

That's all I can think of for now. :o

[Bladestorm]

Given the popularity of Transformers over the years I can't help but wonder how many kids named Optimus there are in the world... possibly even scarier would be if there were kids named after a certain yellow vw/camero.

My son went to kindergarten with kids named Mui Mui and Gucci (handbag brands) so I suppose it wouldn't be too far fetched.

[BigTransformerTrev]

Given the popularity of Transformers over the years I can't help but wonder how many kids named Optimus there are in the world... possibly even scarier would be if there were kids named after a certain yellow vw/camero.

My son went to kindergarten with kids named Mui Mui and Gucci (handbag brands) so I suppose it wouldn't be too far fetched.

There was that army sargeant in the US ten years ago that legally changed his name to Optimus Prime

[Trent]

There was that army sargeant in the US ten years ago that legally changed his name to Optimus Prime

At least he only has himself to blame for that. He's not inflicting a lifetime of torment on to his offspring..

[Bartrim]

Seeing my sons school photos and some of names parents give their kids these days, he is the weird one because his name is Marcus. :p

[Trent]

You know what I love about having kids? Watching your disposable income vanish before your eyes :eek: :p

But seriously, kids are awesome. My son is the best. Just though I'd share that.






































The money comment has some truth to it. You might as well just give them your wallet as soon as they're born...

[GoktimusPrime]

World's Oldest Baby (http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/worlds-oldest-ivf-baby/) :eek:

[GoktimusPrime]

Why Raising A Bilingual Child Matters In A World Gone Mad (http://bilingualmonkeys.com/why-raising-a-bilingual-child-matters-in-a-world-gone-mad/?platform=hootsuite)
Sarcastic surprise: children who speak more than one language tend to be better at tolerance! :D

[GoktimusPrime]

http://diply.com/what-facts/article/child-sitting-position
Children's floor sitting positions and their relationship to their back/spinal posture.
Basically ensure that your kids aren't sitting in the "W" position, and use either the "V" posture or simply sit cross legged.

[GoktimusPrime]

Are you ready for the newsflash? Are you sitting down?
Article: Raising kids to be spoiled brats is bad! (http://www.theage.com.au/national/she-terrorises-us-how-entitled-children-are-making-their-parents-lives-hell-20151218-glqtl0.html) :eek: :eek:
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_stewiegriffin_shock.jpg Who'da thunk? :p #captainobvious

[BruiseLee]

So this dad names his daughter after his favourite football team. Their daughter Lanesra is Arsenal backwards.

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/babies/the-hilarious-story-behind-this-baby-girls-name-has-gone-viral/news-story/f997f81fe96f7519a0dfc1e93b09f7f7

So what can we get away with TF wise with this?

Optimus - Sumitpo (terrible)
Megatron - Nortagem (maybe for a World of Warcraft character)
Bulkhead - Daehklub (Klingon, meaning to get ones head flushed in the dunny)

Sumidor? Norcinu?

Anyone got anything that works? Think we have a couple of members about to join the parents club so let's get some suggestions in for them! :D

[GoktimusPrime]

I bumped into Norcinu at the EB Games Expo in October. :)

Suggestions:
* BB (BB (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/BB))
* Bob (Bob (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Bob_(IDW)))

Names to avoid reversing...
* Skids or Skid-Z
* Air Raid (sounds like "diarrhoea")
* Swoop

[UltimateGalvatron]

Prawyks?

[BruiseLee]

Names to avoid reversing...
* Swoop

His AOE name would be worse. Strafe. "nothing wrong with digital flatulence honey".

[GoktimusPrime]

"nothing wrong with digital flatulence honey".
You just described TF Prime Bumblebee's voice. :p

[BruiseLee]

You just described TF Prime Bumblebee's voice. :p

Cannot be unheard now. There goes the Netflix binge session! :p

[GoktimusPrime]

Raising a Trilingual Child: Does Passive Language Learning Work? (http://www.trilingualchildren.com/2014/01/passive-language-learning.html)

[GoktimusPrime]

Tip for Sydneysiders during the school holidays, the Powerhouse Museum is currently having a DC Lego exhibit. To coincide with this, you can have pictures taken where it looks like you're flying. :)
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/Yuki/powerhouse_dcheroes_pixelated_zps7kwezthn.jpg

[Raider]

Tip for Sydneysiders during the school holidays, the Powerhouse Museum is currently having a DC Lego exhibit. To coincide with this, you can have pictures taken where it looks like you're flying. :)


Highly recommend this. My 2 year old loved it, apart from the fact that he wanted to touch everything haha.

[GoktimusPrime]

Heh. It's good that they have the Lego free play area at the end, although when we were there it was too crowded. I also stepped on a Lego brick. Just as well I wasn't barefoot (http://cdn.gagbay.com/2015/03/graphhilariouskidslegoswearing-563074.jpg)! :o

Remember when we were at school, and people would tell others to go fornicate themselves? These days my students tell each other to, "Go step on a Lego brick"! Oowwwwwwch! XO

[GoktimusPrime]

Reflecting on the very first post on this thread (http://otca.com.au/boards/showpost.php?p=88238&postcount=1); at the time I wasn't a parent yet. My wife was 6 months pregnant, and in that post I talked about the idea of raising our child multilingually using the une personne une langue method where each parent exclusively speaks a different language to the child. As you know, this is how we've been raising our daughter for the past 6.5 years.

So what has been the result of this? This video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BidSFwvDFCU) shows our daughter switching across her three languages.

It's a daily effort to ensure that she is using the target languages. As Dr. Russell Cross (http://www.findanexpert.unimelb.edu.au/display/person170539) says, one thing that Australia is very good at is killing off languages other than English. Because my wife and I have to speak to each other in English, our daughter is fully aware that we can both speak it. As with anything else with child-rearing, consistency is king.

I think that one mistake that some parents make is assuming that children can simply acquire a language via nothing more than osmosis. Thinking that just because they keep speaking to the child in the target language, and even if the child responds in the target language, that this is all you need. A limited exposure to things like books, films and importantly, higher order conversations in the target language. Some parents simply teach their children to learn simply a 'household level of fluency.' They can speak with their family, but can they do more?

Some things that I do to ensure that she has more than just 'household fluency' include:
* Helping her do her homework. This evening she was looking at number sequences, so all the help and discussion about it was exclusively done in the target language.
* Playing games. Board games like Transformers Monopoly or Chess, as well as war games like Star Wars Miniatures. ;)
* Playing with toys. So all the voices, play stories etc. are done in the target language.
* Talking about films and TV shows that we watch. e.g. Star Wars, and as recently mentioned on the Anime thread (http://otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?t=15709&page=12), Super Dimensional Fortress Macross.
etc.
* Encouraging the child to read/write in the target language. Admittedly this is a greater challenge than teaching a child to speak. Yuki can read Japanese but her sustained writing isn't nearly as good as her English. I recently started teaching her the first 80 set of Kanji (just doing it in small chunks, I've given myself until June to finish teaching her this set before moving onto the next one).
* A good Community Language School helps a lot. Yuki just resumed her Japanese school last Saturday, and after school there was a noticeable improvement in her confidence and fluency in speaking Japanese. I think that it just helps to have a child use the target language in a school environment; interacting with adults and children who aren't their family. Also for me, because Japanese isn't my native language, Japanese school is the one place where she can practice speaking with native speaking teachers.

-----------------------------------------------------------

In Post 7 (http://otca.com.au/boards/showpost.php?p=88488&postcount=7) I talked about my ideas for behaviour management based on Choice Reality (http://otca.com.au/boards/showpost.php?p=88394&postcount=4) (which forms the core of the PBEL policies that many schools use now). In hindsight I can see that this actually worked really, really well. The first 2 years were the toughest, but we remained steadfastly consistent and continue to use positive behaviour methods and for the most part, Yuki has proven to be a pretty easy child to parent in terms of behaviour management. :) All of her teachers (primary school, Chinese school & Japanese school) continually praise her behaviour and hard work ethic in her classes, and this is also reflected in her report comments. I've also had a lot of other people, including parents, tell me how well behaved she is.

When I first created this thread back in March 2009, I wasn't a parent yet. We had theoretical ideas on how we wanted to parent our child - theory based on copious research, but still theories for us at the time. I knew that CR/PBEL worked well with my students, but would it also work for my own child? After all, a parent-child dynamic isn't the same as teacher-student. There are quite a few things about parenting that's harder than teaching, such as:
* It's full time, even on weekends and holidays! ;) If a student is being difficult, you only need to endure it for that period or during school hours. Eventually they get to bugger off home and drive their own family mental. But when it's your own child, you are that family to be driven mental!
* No escalation! Schools work through a hierarchical system of escalations; if you won't listen to your teacher you get sent to the Head Teacher. If you won't listen to the HT, then you get sent to the Deputy Principal, and if you won't listen to the DP then you get suspended and you're out of everyone's hair. Not so with parenting! As a parent, the buck stops with you! If your child won't listen to you, then you have to do something to make them listen. There's no higher authority for you to flick the kid off to while you fill in an incident report, because you are the highest authority for your child. :D

Anyway, the point of this post was basically to compare the results of our parenting (so far) with the hypotheses that we had before Yuki was born. Conclusion: Consistency is victory! :cool:

[BigTransformerTrev]

The last two days have been beautiful. The kids both slept in Sunday morning, were happy all morning then didn't whinge at all when we dropped them off at my brothers so I could take the wife out for a Valentines Day lunch. It was a good chance for Sarah and I to reconnect and have some us time for a few hours :)

That afternoon I got a good 45 minutes just me-and-her time with my daughter playing on our bed. She was happy and playful and affectionate and we had some wonderful quality time before my wife and son found out where we were holed up :p

That night took my son to bed and we had a good hour of reading stories and chatting before I put him down. So had some really great one-on-one time with the three people that matter most to me. :)

This morning I was the last one out of bed (a rarity) and when I came down to the loungeroom both kids broke into giant smiles. First Orion came and had a big cuddle, then Acacia did. Then both sat on my lap snuggled up to me and each other. Then I looked down and they were holding hands! I nearly teared up, it was so beautiful!

Really regretting having to come to work today (as I do most days anyway), really missing my little family at home and by the sad looks on the kids faces when I had to leave I think the feeling was mutual.

[Trent]

Parent fantasy hotline (http://youtu.be/gTMjy9XScTQ)

I may need to give them a call :D:D

[GoktimusPrime]

^Brilliant! :D

[GoktimusPrime]

My brother currently has a 1 year old and shared with me a technique that I wish I knew when my daughter was that age -- how to make your baby sleep without waking up during the night! Because my nephew goes to bed and doesn't wake up until morning!

Apparently here's the trick: routine. Everything that the child does every day should be on a strict timetable. Each meal, nap, bath time, bed time etc. should all be scheduled and happen at the same time on the dot every day. This in turn basically adjusts the baby's body clock, meaning that they will naturally get used to sleeping and not waking up until morning! When Yuki was younger, we did have a timetable that we mostly stuck to, but there were exceptions -- lunch might half an hour late one day, or bath time an hour early another day etc. In hindsight, this would've thrown her body clock off. We may have had better success if we stuck with our timetable more strictly.

So yeah, while this advice comes too late for me, hopefully it will come in handy for those of you who still have little babies who are keeping you up at night. :) Now to invent time travel and tell this to my past self... :p

[Trent]

My brother currently has a 1 year old and shared with me a technique that I wish I knew when my daughter was that age -- how to make your baby sleep without waking up during the night! Because my nephew goes to bed and doesn't wake up until morning!

Apparently here's the trick: routine. Everything that the child does every day should be on a strict timetable. Each meal, nap, bath time, bed time etc. should all be scheduled and happen at the same time on the dot every day. This in turn basically adjusts the baby's body clock, meaning that they will naturally get used to sleeping and not waking up until morning! When Yuki was younger, we did have a timetable that we mostly stuck to, but there were exceptions -- lunch might half an hour late one day, or bath time an hour early another day etc. In hindsight, this would've thrown her body clock off. We may have had better success if we stuck with our timetable more strictly.

So yeah, while this advice comes too late for me, hopefully it will come in handy for those of you who still have little babies who are keeping you up at night. :) Now to invent time travel and tell this to my past self... :p

That's not the case for me. Arty has just started sleeping through on most nights, occasionally he wakes up for a drink but for the most part, he sleeps from about 8:30pm to 5-6am 5-6 nights a week. The thing is that nothing has changed. His routine, while not super strict, is basically the same as it was when he was waking up at least once a night, every night.

Also, that strict a routine doesn't allow for much flexibility to live a normal life. If I had to feed Arty breakfast, lunch and dinner, bath him, put him down for a sleep at the same time every day, I doubt I'd ever get out of the house, let alone have any fun outings with him.

While strict routines can help and believe me, I know how important a good routine is to a toddler, there is nothing to say what works for one child will work for another. In fact, in my experience, the opposite is usually true, what works for one child, will most likely not work for another. Otherwise, parenting would be easy because we'd all have the instruction manual that they gave us in the hospital! :p

[prjkt]

Gah, did something to my neck yesterday morning, still hurts like hell, can barely turn.

Hardest part is I can't hold/cuddle my little one

[5FDP]

Should you smack your kids? That's the topic running on news.com.au (http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/kids/a-judge-says-smacking-does-not-make-you-a-criminal/news-story/34ef9e7f03d0d534139818f6f124de11). After reading some of the comments, I think people are confusing 'belting' with 'smacking'.

My daughter used to play with the electrical sockets when she was about 2 or 3 years old. We'd tell her 'no' but she continued with this behaviour. She received a smack as a last resort and she never touched them again. I'd prefer to put up with the guilt of smacking my child rather than them electrocute themselves.


One woman agreed and said smacking your child only made you feel better This person obviously has no clue or doesn't have any kids if she thinks any parent in their right mind feels better after smacking their child.

[Ralph Wiggum]

I got a good smack on the bum as a kid. I recall my mum once struck me in the face and she instantly regretted it.

I'd be inclined to use verbal discipline, but a smack on the bum is probably my last resort if my kid was being an absolute shit. And yeah, there's a big difference between a smack on the bum and an absolute belting.

[GoktimusPrime]

Before I unload my thoughts on this issue, I'd just like to start with a disclaimer to say that nothing in this post is intended to be any form of judgment on anyone here. We all make mistakes, myself included. :o

I'm personally not a smacker, and it's something that I can't say that I'd advocate. But let's take a closer look at this.

The purpose of smacking

The entire purpose of enforcing consequences is to teach children the difference between right and wrong, yes? So positive consequences for positive behaviours and negative consequences for negative behaviours. We reward the positive behaviours to teach kids, "That was good! Keep doing that!" and we penalise negative behaviours to teach, "That was bad! Don't do that again!"

Obviously smacking falls under the category of being a negative enforcer. And a very punitive one at that. And of course, as many of us here know all too well, punitive measures are often necessary when managing the behaviour of infants (age approx. 2~3) because the child is still learning how to rationalise. They are full of raw emotion and it makes it difficult to simply sit down an reason with them, at least in the immediate short term. So smacking is a simple and immediate negative form of behavioural enforcement. The child does something wrong and receives a smack. It is unpleasant and maybe even painful, and like Pavlov's dog, the child associates the pain with the action and learns to avoid doing the action. In theory.

Is smacking a rational or emotional response?

While I've never smacked a child, something that I did in my early parenting which I'm not very proud of was angry shouting. But I came to the realisation that this was more of an emotional rather than rational response. I raised my voice because I was frustrated and upset at the situation, rather than because I was looking at working towards a resolution. I'm also concerned about using emotion to resolve an issue, as it may teach the child to also respond with emotion rather than reason.

The shift towards reason

So I moved away from using emotionally driven negative responses and more towards ones based on reason. These included:
* Reality Therapy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_therapy)
* Choice Theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasser%27s_choice_theory)
* Positive Behaviour for Learning (http://www.pbl.schools.nsw.edu.au/)
Rather than getting upset at the child, this is more about giving the child choices and allowing them to be masters of their own destiny. One reason why more punitive measures like shouting or smacking etc. doesn't work as effectively is because it takes power away from the child. And when a person feels impotent, their natural reaction is to lash out. By re-empowering the child, this takes away their urge to lash out. I know that this may sound like politically correct do-gooder nonsense at first; I was also initially skeptical, but it actually works really well. I've used PBL at my previous school which was a very tough school to teach at, and it worked. No more shouting, no more arguments... just higher rates of compliance. And I still use it at my school now, which still has its fair share of challenging students.

And believe it or not, but being less emotional is much more effective in managing student behaviour. This is because becoming emotional is an outward sign that you are no longer in complete control of the situation. And if the adult is no longer in control, then who is? Maintaining a calm and cool demeanour allows the child to know that you are in control. The child can get upset or angry and jump up and down and wail his/her head off, but you have control of the situation. And with this control, you will help the child regain control of their situation too. You will direct them to reassert power.

How does all that stuff work?

By asking questions. When you simply tell a child what to do, that child is required to do no thinking or reasoning.

e.g. if a child grabs a kitchen knife, the parent might give them a quick smack and/or shout at them saying something like, "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT! KNIVES ARE SHARP AND YOU MIGHT GET CUT!" Although the parent has explained the rationale behind why the child shouldn't touch the knife, the child has done no thinking or reasoning for him/herself. The adult has done it all for the child. It's like seeing a student staring at a puzzling maths problem and then just telling them the answer rather than showing them how to work it out for themselves.
"The hypotenuse is 5cm." <---great, now the kid knows what the hypotenuse of that one triangle is. They have no idea how you worked that out, let alone how they might be able to work it out themselves. Asking questions is a far better way to elicit a child to figure out answers themselves. Looking at the same scenario with the knife, the parent would immediately get the knife out of the child's reach (remove the hazard first), and then sit them aside and ask them questions to understand what just happened. So they may be questions like (be aware that the nature of the questions may vary depending on the age of the child),
"Do you think that knives or sharp or blunt?"
"How would you feel if you hurt yourself with a knife?"
"What should you do if you see a knife?"

Another thing to bear in mind is that when the child answers these questions, they are essentially helping to create their own ground rules. e.g. If a child says, "I think that I should leave knives alone," then the child has created his/her own rule for what to do if they see a knife on the kitchen bench. The parent has not created this rule or even told them what to do -- the child is telling him/herself what to do. This gives them a sense of ownership (and thus personal responsibility) over their own rules. These are no longer rules that mummy or daddy are imposing over the child, these are rules that the child has imposed on him/herself. The child cannot think, "I don't like your stupid rules," because the child has helped to create the rule. When people set rules for themselves, they are more likely to want to stick to them. Herein lies to key to intrinsic motivation. Emotional responses like shouting, scolding or smacking are extrinsic motivators, which - IMHO - simply doesn't work anywhere near as effectively as intrinsic motivations. It's also arguably a "slice of democracy."

My own experience

When our daughter was around age 1, I did the whole angry shouting and scolding thing. It didn't work well. I'd get upset, she'd get upset... everyone's a loser. By the time she reached age 2, I switched to implementing more RT/CT/PBL-based strategies. By Age 3, I didn't need to scold her anymore, and the need to use time outs had already become a rarity. She was already on the path to becoming self-disciplined. By Age 4 she had achieved it, and a school counsellor and principal determined that she was ready to start School, and so she did. Our daughter attends regular day school and two different community language schools and all of her teachers tell us that she's always very well behaved. But yeah, it's been over 3 years since I last had to raise my voice or impose a punitive penalty on her like a time out. Age 2 was the trickiest because that was when she really tested us for the next year. Little wonder why it's called the Terrible Two's. :rolleyes: But I remained firm, fair and consistent, and parenting has become massively easier ever since. Once you've established your expectations and standards, it allows you to establish and maintain your authority.

I sometimes see other parents in public shouting or getting into emotionally fuelled arguments with their children. It seems so counter-productive. I see the same thing with some teachers too; like the ones who are shouting at their students practically every lesson and then say that their students are too difficult to control. But yeah, I don't see any real long term benefits of smacking.

[5FDP]

Yelling at a child does far more damage than smacking IMO. The mental scars can last a lifetime.

[BigTransformerTrev]

My thoughts on the subject from a while ago:



Since becoming a Dad I've been turned around on the idea of spanking. Bear in mind I'm not trying to kick off a heated debate about this or judging anyone in any way, because I know it can be a touchy subject.

My wife is very anti-spanking. I've always held that as long as it's done appropriately and never with excessive frequency or force there is nothing wrong with it. I was spanked and I can only think of two times in my entire life that my mum probably went a bit far. Never resented my parents for it or felt scarred by it.

Orion is getting towards 3 now and when he was a bit younger I had spanked him a couple of times. It was usually if he kept doing the same thing after multiple warnings and if he was hurting someone (the cat, his little sister etc). It was never too hard and on a nappy-padded bum but the shock was enough to upset him. But my missus kept telling me that it sent the wrong message by telling him that violence was wrong by answering it with another act of violence.

I've come to see her point of view. In part I think it's just because I am so in love with my son and we have such a close relationship that for him to ever look at me in fear would just break my heart so I don't want to spank him (I didn't want to before or ever but saw it as perhaps a necessary action). Currently we are doing 'time out' where if he keeps it up he goes to his room for two minutes while we hold the door shut - he hates that because he wants to be with everyone else. And if he is hurting the cat/sister/mum I will grab his arm quite firmly, pull him away and give him a telling off which does upset him. But I'm officially a non-spanker now and think I will remain that way. Never thought I'd be on that side of the fence but it seems to be where I've ended up.

Once again, I am really not judging or condemming anyone who gives the odd spank if its done appropriately. I thought it was really stupid when that mum got arrested a couple of years ago for giving her kid a little whack on the bum in a shopping centre when the kid was going off its nut. But I'm interested to hear what other parents think about spanking in general. I'd bring this up on FB but I just know it would bring all the crazies out of the woodwork to scream at each other, people are a little bit more sane here :)

:)




This person obviously has no clue or doesn't have any kids if she thinks any parent in their right mind feels better after smacking their child.

Very true

[Trent]

I never believed that there was anything wrong with smacking and always thought that I'd give my children a smack when required. However, I have so far found it unnecessary. We use time-out with Arty and have found that very effective. So much so that through the consistent application of the warning system we hardly ever have to place him in time-out. The threat of it is usually enough to stop any bad behaviour.

I couldn't bring myself to smack him anyway.

[GoktimusPrime]

Yelling at a child does far more damage than smacking IMO. The mental scars can last a lifetime.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of yelling either. I think the damage comes more from the angry intent rather than the action itself. I think that raising your voice or even smacking a child in a non-emotional (or emotionally tempered) manner is different from acting in anger.


I never believed that there was anything wrong with smacking and always thought that I'd give my children a smack when required. However, I have so far found it unnecessary. We use time-out with Arty and have found that very effective. So much so that through the consistent application of the warning system we hardly ever have to place him in time-out. The threat of it is usually enough to stop any bad behaviour.

I couldn't bring myself to smack him anyway.
:) I'm the same, and I've found that the time-out method worked really well with Yuki. With consistent application, hopefully you'll only need to do this until he reaches pre-school, and by time he starts Kindy he should be able to mostly manage his own behaviour. :cool:

The great thing about equipping children with intrinsic motivators is that they can continue to maintain their integrity in the absence of an authority figure. Because one criticism of the authoritarian model is that kids can become the kind of people who will behave themselves in front of their parents, but misbehave in their absence. Jonah in Summer Heights High is a classic example of this, and I'm sure that your wife, Trev (and other teachers) and certainly myself have dealt with many students like this. They become reliant on having a "stick" (external motivator) to keep them in line, without it they are unable to manage themselves.

Children who are intrinsically motivated will do the right thing, even if there's no one else around to supervise or watch them. An example of this is a Year 7 student that we had at our school a few years ago. He was at a bus stop and there was a blind man who was asking for help. This boy went out of his way to help the blind man board the correct bus, and even sat next to him on the bus and helped him get off at his intended stop before changing to another bus to go home. The only reason we even know about this story is because the blind man later contacted our school to praise the actions of this boy. And when the Principal wanted to praise him at school assembly, the student asked not to be named; he wanted no recognition or explicit reward. His only reward was simply knowing that he did the right thing. A 12 year old boy demonstrating such an impressive level of humanity, integrity and humility. You know that's parenting done right.

This boy's mother was my daughter's day care teacher, and I know that she definitely follows on the principles of being firm, fair and consistent. :) When I used to pick my daughter up from day care, I might see another room with infants running around and carers raising their voices. But in her room, there was rarely shouting, and the kids were well behaved. Her son is always very helpful and volunteers for all sorts of things at school, including mentoring students in the younger years or students who are recently enrolled. Nobody even assigns him to help these students, he just takes it upon himself to mentor younger and newer students at the school to make everyone feel welcome. IMO this is the key difference between raising a boy and raising a man. :cool:

[Bladestorm]

Do you think kids and parents these days no longer see an importance or respect for toys?
I find myself wondering can we as parents be too pro toys/imaginative play? Am I too pro-toys and "old fashioned" in my thinking?

I've always encouraged my kids to play from a young age. I try to give them home environments - their rooms and our lounge since we don't have a back yard in an apartment - where they always have access to different things they can play and create with.
My son gets hassled for playing with toys by some of his friends and I often get harassed by parents for allowing him to have so much play time as I don't put him into classes every day after school. But my son derives so much sheer pleasure from his toys - both from collecting them and creating vivid and amazing imaginary stories with them I can't possibly fathom how playing with toys can ever be bad for any child or why parents would condemn it.

My son had a couple of friends come over for his 9th birthday. He took them down to his room to see his Transformers and asked "do you want to play Transformers or lego?"
They said "No" and came to me and asked "what's your wifi password?"
I was shocked and my son was disappointed.
I put my foot down and said no digital devices for at least an hour and 1/2 to which the 2 friends basically sat in the middle of my lounge and started saying "I'm BORED! Your apartment is so BORING!"
(Ask anyone who's been to my place and they'll tell you it's a fantasy world of Transformers, lego, board games, art and craft and books... a couple of our friends children and my son's schoolmates NEVER want to leave when it's time for them to go...)
My son tried for 20 minutes to get the boys to play with him. I even offered to take them to one of the local outdoor playgrounds to run around. My offer was rejected with "We never do that. No one likes going outside in HONG KONG. That's stupid. We only play iPad!"
Eventually after 45 minutes of their stubbornness I relented and said they could use digital devices but no wifi until after lunch purely because they were making my son miserable and I hoped they would interact with one another even if it was comparing results on games.
Ironically my son got bored of playing on the iPad about 30 minutes later and ended up going off to play Transformers in his room on his own because he thought that was "more fun". The other 2 sat on the floor playing on their iPads not interacting at all aside from when I gave them lunch.
At the end of their visit I asked their mums whether they ever played and told the mums their kids didn't want to go to a playground. The mums just shrugged and looked at me funny, smiled and took their kids home.

I think what irks me is (in my circles anyways) the parents who criticise me the most for "letting my son play too much" are the ones who have children that spend every waking non school hour on an ipad or some other digital device to the point if we are out at a family lunch the child will often demand they need to go home (and they will feign being sick in order to ensure they go home only to be perfectly well enough to sit on a computer as soon as they are through their front door for 5 hours straight)... I don't criticise the parents for their choices as I know we all have our own opinions and coping mechanisms and challenges but I'd rather have a son who isn't reliant on technology all the time and I wish parents here would respect that too. My kids do have digital devices but we have rules and limitations on use.

What are other parents perspective on toys, play and digital devices?

[Ralph Wiggum]

I'm not a parent, but obviously I've been around enough friends/parents and have my own thoughts:

1. Having grown up around toys and having an imagination which still runs wild today, I'd want my kids to enjoy play time with toys and role-playing.
2. Kids move onto different types of toys as they get older. I find it hard to believe that in Hong Kong of all places, kids aren't playing with some form of toys one way or another. All them toy stores - Gundam, Transformers, Macross, so much to play with! And it caters for all ages.
3. I was talking with my partner during our HK trip (loved it!) about how hard it is being a parent and growing up in Hong Kong. Working long hours, seeing so many kids being looked after by grandparents or maids, and the expectation that kids should be enrolled in a bucketload of extracurricular activities. I'm looking at it from an ABC perspective of course.
4. I can see how digital technology has been a blessing and curse for parents in places like HK. It would be very easy to keep your kid occupied in a tiny apartment by sticking them in front of a screen, rather than taking them out to a communal space.

[GoktimusPrime]

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
- Albert Einstein

Children learn through play. I often find toys and board games far more entertaining that video games because they allow you to exercise your imagination much more. I get bored of video games very quickly, but I can play with toys forever. When you play with a video game, your fantasy experience is limited to whatever the construct of the game is. For example, when you play Transformers Devastation, you are restricted to the characters that the game allows you to play (wanna be a Decepticon? Too bad!), as well as the moves that the game has built. The story, environments, weapons, abilities etc. are all pre-programmed. When you play with toys, the only limit is your imagination.

Those kids who came to your son's birthday sound incredibly rude and disrespectful. I would've told them that they had two choices: Transformers and Lego. Want to play with devices? Not an option, pick again. Refuse to pick? Then play with nothing. Complain about the place being boring? Ask them if they would like their parents to be contacted to be sent home. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

It frustrates whenever we go out and see other kids just sitting around playing or watching devices. Just about a week ago we were at a restaurant, and at another table was a baby and the parents had shoved their phone on the table in front of the infant to let him watch something while they dined. :eek: Whhaaaaaaaaa?!? How about engaging your child in conversation? All too often I find that parents use electronic devices as shut up devices. They're like portable idiot-boxes; give it to the kid and it shuts them up. You don't need to engage with them as a parent, let the machine do the "parenting" for you. Excuse me for just a moment while I do this...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_facepalm_primeratchet.jpghttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_ngsmoov_facepalmmegatron.jpghttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_facepalm_ridbumble_zpshgwiripy.jpghttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_Hotrod-facepalm-uk187.gifhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_facepalm_primeoptimusprime.jpghttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_facepalm_primebulkhead.jpghttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/avatars/th_facepalm_soundwave.jpg

And there are genuine concerns about the dangers of over-exposing children to devices, including having a negative impact on concentration and literacy. Some university academics have noticed that students are becoming increasingly worse at retaining knowledge. A lot of kids today are so used to just Googling everything that they don't keep the knowledge in their heads. :rolleyes:
Toxic effects of social media (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3420064/Why-iPad-far-bigger-threat-children-realises-Ten-years-ago-psychologist-SUE-PALMER-predicted-toxic-effects-social-media-sees-worrying-new-danger.html)
Warning on dangers of toddlers using iPads too soon (http://www.independent.ie/life/family/mothers-babies/warning-on-dangers-of-toddlers-using-ipads-too-soon-30203177.html)
Are iPads and tablets bad for young children? (http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jan/08/are-tablet-computers-bad-young-children)
10 reasons why iPads in schools are dangerous (https://seanhamptoncole.wordpress.com/2014/11/14/10-reasons-why-ipads-in-schools-are-dangerous/)
Experts warn of dangers with children using technology (http://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/554497/Toddlers-risk-dangers-technology)
10 Reasons why you shouldn't let your child play with smartphones or iPads (http://www.neatorama.com/neatobambino/2014/03/08/10-Reasons-Why-You-Shouldnt-Let-Your-Child-Play-with-Smartphone-or-iPad/)

Even at the high school level, we've noticed an increasing trend of kids who are outright school refusers, often hopeless addicted to technology. They refuse to come to school because they can't bear to stop playing with their tech. Schools then have to spend countless hours negotiating with parents, counsellors, psychiatrists etc. to try and get the child to come back to school, and this can often be a very long and drawn out process that can take months because we have to ween them off the technology and get them to gradually return to real life. Many students may just come to school for only one period a day for maybe one or two days a week for the first month, then we gradually increase the number of hours and days that they attend school. Maybe a term or entire semester later they might be ready to rejoin society. I'm not even making this up, and I've seen this happen multiple times. Parents are often distraught and even in tears because their child won't leave the house... sometimes not even their bedroom. This has become an increasing problem in Japan (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori) and now we're seeing it happen with Aussie kids. :(

Now I'm not saying that smart technology is the sole cause and blame for this sort of thing; it's a complex problem. But it certainly doesn't help. And other studies have shown that overexposure to technology can be detrimental to a child's literacy. There are also health problems too; the increasing use of technology is, of course, part of an increasingly sedentary lifestyle. Kids are less physically active which leads too all kinds of health issues. You can bring your toys with you outdoors and play with them. Heck, I took my Legends Class TFP Breakdown with me when I went snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef. :cool:

Now I'm not saying that children should necessarily be completely insulated from technology. I personally don't feel the need to explicitly expose our daughter to tech because she's just surrounded by it so much that she inevitably gets exposed to it every day. It's the same with how we also don't speak to her in English - and yet English is her most dominant language because, living in Australia, she is completely immersed in the English language. Similarly kids are just immersed in technology that she can pick up on how to use tech without us having to explicitly expose her to it. They have iPads and IWBs at her school anyway. Some would say that balance is key. My cousin and his wife have a weekly timetable which clearly outlines how many hours a week their son is allowed to use his iPad, so that might be another way to approach it. But it astounds me how many parents just give their kids unfettered and unrestricted access to technology and then end up in tears in the school office when their child is facing a myriad of social, psychological and behavioural problems. As stupid as it sounds, some parents actually need to be told to stop letting their children do/have whatever they want!

While the technology is new the problem is ages-old. Lack of boundaries = problematic kids. It is possible to address this problem, but as I said, it takes a lot of time, energy, funding and other resources. Not to mention that the child significantly falls behind in school during those months spent in self-imposed social isolation.

[Bladestorm]

If we're out with friends and the kids are all together we let out kids take their iPads with them so they can "socialise" with their friends because they'll all talk and interact as they play games, but if we're out as a family we virtually never let them bring their digital devices (although my son often brings a Transformer or 2).
If we're out with friends and we don't allow our kids to bring their digital devices (which does happen from time to time because we don't feel they need them ALL the time) our kids tend to be excluded or spend their time looking over their friends shoulders as they play on their devices. It's a catch 22 when balancing common sense with peer pressure.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees this reliance/addiction to devices as alarming.
As a parent I don't ever want my kids to end up like that (although not as easy now my daughter is in Y7 here and required to use a laptop for EVERYTHING which drives me nuts).
As a parent I don't know how to engage with other parents who are pro-digital devices or more often the "I don't care/babysitting device" parents about it. I don't want to be that lecturing parent because Primus knows I get lectured by other parents enough myself but some of these kids are just scary and you can see exactly what Gok's describing with behavioural issues creeping in. The parents unfairly blame it on the school or teachers here... and seem to think the school should fix it but it goes deeper than that doesn't it.

[Demonac]

On an unrelated topic: Hooray for head lice!

[GoktimusPrime]

Buzzcut for Death Cobra? ;)

Peer pressure's a funny thing. At my daughter's school, every other parent seems to have this habit of carrying their children's schoolbags for them when dropping off or picking them up from school. Today I saw one mother struggling as she was carrying a 3 year old in one arm and her 7 year old's school bag in the other. My daughter initially tried to get me to carry her bag, but the stock response was: 「お父さんは奴隷じゃないよ」 ("Daddy's not your slave."). She's given up now and just carries her own bag. ;)

[Tetsuwan Convoy]

Not a parent myself, but having lots of interaction with children everyday, I find it concerning the reliance on technology. Kids here in Japan get anxious when they don't have their phones on them. It's crazy. Theyll be in a group on the train, all sitting down and playing various games, but rarely talking.

What I find rather interesting is that social phone games are a big thing here. It'll be some puzzle game, but like a multiplayer puzzle game. They'll be playing the same game together. Mobile games are HUGE here.

Personally I think it is having a bad effect on kids here, many of the kids in my school lack creative thinking.

I broke my phone and was phoneless for about 2 weeks and I thought I'd be in trouble (google maps is handy in a foreign country). But having to rely on my wits was fine. It was like the old days. Plus I rather enjoyed not having the phone around, my whatsapp and line messages are annoying and intrusive more often than not.

Final comment, when I worked in Aus at the cinema, I naturally worked with teenagers and I found it amusing that many of them couldn't imagine a world without the internet. ReallY? One asked me "How did you live?" <- She wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but even so, it's not that much of a stretch...

I'm a big fan of limiting tech contact and if I had kids I think I'd be implementing the same tactics as Bladestorm. I kind of feel sorry for your son's friends. They'll be socially stunted I think.

[GoktimusPrime]

When I confiscate a student's phone I occasionally have the student say, "But how can I live without my phone?" and I say, "The same way your parents did when they were in school. And they obviously survived or you wouldn't be here now." The stupid thing is, sometimes it's the student's parent who are calling their kids on their phones during school hours. :rolleyes: What's wrong with calling the school office in the event of an emergency (which is what they're supposed to do)? And if it's not an emergency, send a text. It's amazing how some parents feel that they're entitled to disrupt an entire lesson just so that they can get a message to their child straight away. :rolleyes: Confiscating phones just for one lesson doesn't seem to have much effect now because kids know that they'll get the phone back by the end of the lesson. So now with repeat offenders I keep the phone until the end of lunch or the end of the school day.

Phone games here are big too. A few days ago I saw a boy not wearing his school tie, so I told him to put it on. He and his friends had to all pause their multiplayer game and they all waited while he put his tie on. The funny thing is that this kid wasn't particularly adept at tying his tie so it took ages, and by the time they unpaused their game the roll call bell went and they had to put their phones away. ;)

[Bladestorm]

On an unrelated topic: Hooray for head lice!

Thankfully I've only had that experience once when my daughter was in Year 1... but we got a school warning email yesterday about it doing the rounds at my son's school so it must be bad at the moment. There's a tea-tree spray that works wonders for girls with long hair to discourage the little buggers which I think might be an aussie brand.

On the subject of school bags my kids schools have a policy of the child must carry their own bag which my children have always done. I too use the "I'm not your slave" line with my kids LOL).
Unfortunately what happens is the kid walks out of the gates then throws their bag at their helper or parent because once out of school grounds the teachers can't say anything and the helper is their packhorse while they blissfully walk ahead like lord muck. My son regardless of whether I or my helper pick him up has to carry his own school bag home. I've told him if he ever disrespects me or our helper like that he'll be in big trouble. Unfortunately I think our children's generation are going to have some hard truths to face on owning up to reality when they get older.

[GoktimusPrime]

The dangers of strapping your child into a car wearing thick jackets (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uEfou4sJQ0&app=desktop); the same principles apply to regular seat belts and also for adults as well as child seats.

[Ralph Wiggum]

Speaking of parents / helpers carrying their kid's bags, this story in Singapore a few years ago made me lol.

http://news.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne+News/Singapore/Story/A1Story20110327-270356.html

[MayzaPrime]

After 8 years of changing nappies... we are officially nappy free with my 3 year old now totally toilet trained :D :D :D

[Trent]

After 8 years of changing nappies... we are officially nappy free with my 3 year old now totally toilet trained :D :D :D

Oh how I long for that day.

[janda the red]

After 8 years of changing nappies... we are officially nappy free with my 3 year old now totally toilet trained :D :D :D

Congrats bud, I'd be happy too! :)


Oh how I long for that day.

I hear ya, will be a great day :cool:

[spiderken17]

I know a lot of you have already met my little man Sam, well he now has a new partner in crime.
Little May was born yesterday at 4am, far too early in the day for my liking :)
She arrived on her due date just like her big brother so my kids have being punctual on their side already. Mum and bub are doing fine and I cannot wait for them to come home.

[jazzcomp]

Congratulations, ken!

[MayzaPrime]

I know a lot of you have already met my little man Sam, well he now has a new partner in crime.
Little May was born yesterday at 4am, far too early in the day for my liking :)
She arrived on her due date just like her big brother so my kids have being punctual on their side already. Mum and bub are doing fine and I cannot wait for them to come home.

Congrats :D

[GoktimusPrime]

Happy happy joy joy, spiderken17! :D

[Trent]

Congratulations Ken!!

[janda the red]

congrats Ken, that's great news!!!! :D

[Bladestorm]

I know a lot of you have already met my little man Sam, well he now has a new partner in crime.
Little May was born yesterday at 4am, far too early in the day for my liking :)
She arrived on her due date just like her big brother so my kids have being punctual on their side already. Mum and bub are doing fine and I cannot wait for them to come home.

Congrats! I hope she settles in well and learns to sleep through quickly.

[GoktimusPrime]

This year my daughter's class have been learning how to read/write Katakana in Japanese school. Every week the teacher asks the kids to share what words they know that contain two select Katakana characters, and the teacher writes correct answers on the board. Last Saturday's characters were サ (sa) and ナ (na). Her contribution for "sa" was a fairly common word; サラダ (sarada= salad), but then the teacher asked the kids for "na" words, and here's what my daughter said (circled in yellow)...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/Transformers/ultramagnus_zpsfwxfgepu.jpg
For those who may not know, Katakana characters are typically reserved for writing non-Japanese words (foreign loanwords). My daughter's answer is actually two Latin words. They are...





ウルトラマグナス = urutora magunasu = ULTRA MAGNUS

:D

[GoktimusPrime]

My daughter's in the lounge room watching Sesame Street and I just overheard the Count singing a song, "Eight is great!" and I immediately thought, "Yeah, 8 is great, but when you push it over it just goes on forever." :p

8 ╮
...∞

[GoktimusPrime]

Please take a minute to complete this quick survey about mono/multilingual parenting, and feel free to share this link so that I can gather as much data as possible. Thank you. :) The survey is completely anonymous.

https://www.playbuzz.com/goktimusprime10/a-multilingual-parenting

[Bladestorm]

Please take a minute to complete this quick survey about mono/multilingual parenting, and feel free to share this link so that I can gather as much data as possible. Thank you. :) The survey is completely anonymous.

https://www.playbuzz.com/goktimusprime10/a-multilingual-parenting

Done. Shared with my friends.

Will be curious to see how your results pan out.

[GoktimusPrime]

Done. Shared with my friends.

Will be curious to see how your results pan out.
Thank you and thanks to everyone else who's participated. :) Please do share this poll with others as I'd like to collate as much data as possible.

P.S.: There is a mistake in the wording of the fourth poll option. It should read: "Parents speak SAME language, child(ren) is BILINGUAL"

So to clarify, here are all the poll options...

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_a_zpsgq9lsxff.jpg
Parents speak different languages, child(ren) is trilingual

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_b_zpsivho7oji.jpg
Parents speak different languages, child(ren) is bilingual

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_c_zpsaxnpt6mv.jpg
Parents speak different languages, child(ren) is monolingual

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_d_zps5d3mrzvs.jpg
Parents speak different languages, child(ren) is bilingual

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_e_zps6whweqfy.jpg
Parents speak same minority language child, is monolingual

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_f_zpsdiusdcxx.jpg
Parents are monolingual, child(ren) is/are multilingual

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y227/goktimusprime/bilingualparenting_g_zpsozhm9cy1.jpg
Parents and child(ren) are all monolingual

[Trent]

Toddler: the ultimate test of patience.

[Starscream77]

Toddler: the ultimate test of patience.

Preaching to the choir brother !
At least you were smart enough not to have a second one

[GoktimusPrime]

Just watched a video of a baby who's too young to be vaccinated with whooping cough. :(

Seriously, would anyone object if the government just passed a law to make it compulsory for all children to be vaccinated barring a medical exemption? I get that there are a few members in our population who cannot be vaccinated - so just get a doctor to write a letter to confirm this diagnoses and these people can be exempted from vaccination. But I don't see why the government just doesn't make it mandatory for all able-bodied children to receive vaccinations.

[GoktimusPrime]

"Les enfants voient les enfants apprenent" (https://www.facebook.com/WeRHumanity/videos/1105492879542356/?pnref=story); "What children see, children learn."
A short but poignant video about the way that children learn from the way that they are treated. Anger begets anger, understanding begets understanding.

[Bartrim]

http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm218/Bartrim/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpskrcuvprz.jpeg (http://s297.photobucket.com/user/Bartrim/media/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpskrcuvprz.jpeg.html)

I know some people don't approve of the whole NAPLAN thing. I don't know enough about it to judge. I'm just super proud of my sons results.

[jazzcomp]

Congratulations to you and your son!

[Trent]

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there.

I did well today. In amongst a few other things, I got this:

http://i214.photobucket.com/albums/cc88/Wrxus/TFs/F9D036D7-2B22-4CBA-A7C1-1743E2A6EE3F.jpg

I'm a happy chappy :D

[Trent]

How do you overcome the sometimes paralysing sense of worry you have for your children over all the bad things that could possibly happen to them in their lives?

[DaptoDog]

How do you overcome the sometimes paralysing sense of worry you have for your children over all the bad things that could possibly happen to them in their lives?

Try not to think the worst. We also pray that God will protect them.

But it's only natural to worry and it shows you care. Only a couple weeks ago we noticed all these bruises on my son and he didn't remember anyone hurting him. My wife mentioned Leukemia to me and so of course I was worried all night. This is despite me rationalising that it was highly unlikely given there were no other symptoms. Next morning we got his blood tested and fortunately he was fine.

[prjkt]

How do you overcome the sometimes paralysing sense of worry you have for your children over all the bad things that could possibly happen to them in their lives?

This is something my partner seems to go through when it comes to major changes... My little one went to daycare on his own for the first time yesterday and my partner went back to work three weeks ago (I took some time off to help us adjust to the change, now I'm back at work too) and she'd driven herself to tears and panic in the lead up to both events, plus other changes like him moving from bassinet to cot.

I'll give you the same advice I give my other half, and it's advice I try to take myself too, and that's not to focus on the "what if?" but on the "what is." Accept there'll be times when the little one will be upset - first time away from parents, trips and falls, cuts and bruises, colds and illness, but don't worry about it before hand because it's not productive. Prepare as best you can of course, stock up on your first aid kit and cold/flu remedies for example, but spend more time focusing on the now, and the positive events in the future.

It's not always easy, especially if you're used to planning things so everything goes to plan (never does with kids) but learning to go with the flow, and seeing the positive out of any situation helps.

[Bartrim]

How do you overcome the sometimes paralysing sense of worry you have for your children over all the bad things that could possibly happen to them in their lives?

My oldest is 10 in 2 weeks. I'm getting worried. Kids these days are exposed to a lot more at a younger age and I don't know how he'll handle some of those things.

[Trent]

Thanks gents :)

[janda the red]

Sitting on the couch watching "cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2"..... couldn't talk my 3yr old out of it.

I'd compare it to hitting yourself in the head with a hammer..... it's gonna feel soooooo good when it stops! Lol

[GoktimusPrime]

couldn't talk my 3yr old out of it.
:confused: Why? What would happen if you just changed channels or switched the TV off? :confused:

[GoktimusPrime]

We recently purchased a reading comprehension book for our daughter. The book is published in Singapore, so I'm presuming that the authors aren't native English speakers. If so, it would explain why every passage of text that I've read so far has contained errors in spelling and/or grammar. :eek: She's completed the first two exercises and I've read ahead to the third exercise's passage, and here are the errors I've picked up so far...

"...none of the family members was upstairs."
The book has obviously incorrectly used the singular instead of the plural. The text explicitly states members - plural.
"...the merchant and the guide were left in the desert without any shade and ride."
The author doesn't seem to understand how to use inclusive and exclusive disjunctive conjunctions in English. It should be "shade or ride" as an inclusive disjunction.
"...the ambulance took him to hospital."
Here the text is missing an article - either the definite article "the" or the indefinite article "a". Either one works in this context, but either way an article is needed to identify the noun.
This is further enforces my suspicion that these Singaporean authors aren't native English speakers, as many Asian languages lack articles altogether and many native Asian language speakers do find the use of articles difficult as a result.

The book also misspelt "realise" as 'realize,' and "centre" as 'center' despite the fact that it uses Standard English spelling most of the time; e.g. it correctly uses "programme" not 'program', "colour," not 'color', "behaviour" not 'behavior' etc. - so it seems to be haphazardly switching between Standard and American English spelling rather than consistently sticking to one. And considering that this book was purchased in Australia, I would expect it use Standard English spelling.

What I find odd is that my wife purchased this book from a local educational book store. So it seems that this text book, loaded with errors, is being sold to local Aussie families. And there would be parents who aren't native English speakers (such as my wife) who may not be picking up on this mistakes, and implicitly placing their trust in this book (and possibly others in the series) as learning aids for their children, all the while the book may be teaching/reinforcing incorrect English for their kids. I'm not sure who I should lodge a complaint with, and quite frankly I have half a mind to get a refund. (-_-) Anyway... let this be a head's up to other parents, be sure to browse through potential books for your kids and ensure that there aren't any glaring mistakes in it.

[janda the red]

:confused: Why? What would happen if you just changed channels or switched the TV off? :confused:

I'd said to my eldest he could choose a movie to watch....

I'd be setting terrible example if I said he could do that, then took it away because I didn't like his choice. It's not like it was inappropriate.... just painfully terrible.

:)

[GoktimusPrime]

Oh well. In that case you gotta take it. :D

I went back to the bookstore where my wife bought that comprehension book and spoke to the manager. Both she and another customer (a mother) argued with me that "none of the family members was upstairs" is grammatically correct because 'none' always takes a singular verb. I pointed out the other mistakes which the manager did concede were wrong and advised me to contact the publisher, and she would also advise their store purchaser about it.

After getting home I did some Googling, and ... okay, this is confusing - we were both right? "None" can be used with a singular or plural verb depending on whether it's taken to be a contraction of "not one" (singular) or "not any" (plural). Thus you can actually say:
* "none of the family members was upstairs" as in "not one of the family members was upstairs."
* "none of the family members were upstairs" as in "not any of the family members were upstairs."

I've always used "none" in this context as meaning "not any," and clearly the people at the bookstore think of it as meaning "not one," but we're both right. :o But anyway, the manager did agree on the other errors, so yeah... might need to write an email to the publisher.

[prjkt]

I always thought the word "none" was derived from no one/not one along the lines of contractions like "can't" and the likes.

Ah the joys of English, so many external influences over the years of its development.

[GoktimusPrime]

I always thought the word "none" was derived from no one/not one along the lines of contractions like "can't" and the likes.

Ah the joys of English, so many external influences over the years of its development.
Replied here (http://otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=546643#post546643) :)

[GoktimusPrime]

Interesting articles:
Is Your Child Spoiled?: Who’s ruling the roost? Set age-appropriate guidelines, and take back control (http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/spoiled-child#2)
Signs You're Spoiling Your Toddler (https://www.babble.com/toddler/spoiled-children-symptoms/)

Although I'm not fully convinced about avoiding the word "spoiled."

Instead of "spoiled child," Gorski prefers to use the term "overindulged" or "overprotected."
Or in other words, they're spoiled. :rolleyes: A rose by any other name... :o

The "What you can do" stuff in the second article seems to be steps for parents who have already begun spoiling their child and seem to be good strategies to re-educate the child into becoming more disciplined. Although it's not terribly relevant advice if your child isn't spoiled. But then again, parents of unspoiled children don't need much advice when it comes to behaviour management; although there are other challenges in parenting that they still need to face, but at least the behaviour thing becomes one less concern. :) And dealing with a lot of other issues becomes significantly easier when the child is well disciplined.

#statingtheobvious

[BigTransformerTrev]

Last night Orion was asking 'who made people?' It's not easy explaining evolution to a 4 year old - I can see why parents used to say 'god did it'. He has lots of follow up questions today I'm doing my best to answer in a manner he can comprehend

[GoktimusPrime]

Yuki asked me this question when she was that age. So I gave her a very basic explanation of evolution. :)

[Trent]

What's a good age to buy my son his first Nerf gun?

#realparentingissues

[Raider]

What's a good age to buy my son his first Nerf gun?

#realparentingissues

When he is old enough to understand that you must not fire it at a person's face

[Bladestorm]

What's a good age to buy my son his first Nerf gun?

#realparentingissues

My son was 7 when he got his first Nerf gun. Ironically it ended up getting my husband into the whole Nerf thing too as we have Nerf shooting ranges here (think paintball but using Nerf guns instead).
I think when they understand you can't shoot point blank or aim at people's heads is an appropriate age.
My son isn't obsessed with Nerf - he's an Optimus Prime sword kinda kid who likes Nerf as it's just another fun thing to do but he does have mates who are absolutely crazed by guns and turn into monsters when they get a hold of one. We have to hide the Nerf guns when certain kids come over as they go crazy to the point of hardcore violence.

You know your son best so go with your gut and if you like Nerf get a gun for yourself too so you can play together - it's one of my son's favourite things to be able to Nerf Wars with dad. :)
Just make sure to buy additional nerf bullets as it's much more fun with more ammo.

[BigTransformerTrev]

What's a good age to buy my son his first Nerf gun?

#realparentingissues

Orion was 3 - it had a spinning circular blade on the end so he could evicerate zombies.

My wife was less than impressed to say the least. I thought it was cool as it was nearly as big as Orion and only $29 :D

[M-bot]

I realise that this doesn't answer the question asked, but I remember when I was about 9 or 10, one of my mate's dad was a welder, he made us fake machine guns with which we used to play GI Joes down at the Dandenong Creek. Those things weighed a lot. We ran around chasing water rats the size of our arms, into the tunnels and drains under the roads around Dandenong.

It was a simpler time.

I agree with what Raider said, when they can understand to not go the intentional headshot by default. That's going to be different for all kids.

[Trent]

Took a few days annual leave to spend with the family and they both went and got sick on me. The kid was sick but wifey can't get out of bed. Today isn't fun because the kid is well enough to want to go outside and play but isn't quite well enough, so tantrums ensue.

To top it off, the mother in law went to grab some groceries for me today and part of that was the ingredients for chicken pasta soup. Except she forgot a few vital ingredients (she had a list). Which now means I can't make it unless I can get those things.

There's more, but I don't have time to type it :(

[GoktimusPrime]

No real surprise here but a 50 year study shows that spanking is useless (http://www.scarymommy.com/study-shows-spanking-has-no-benefits/?utm_medium=partner&utm_source=gottman).

[M-bot]

Teenage boys would have to be the only ones who could wear a pair of shorts for 5 days straight and still claim they are clean. #NoJustNo :eek:

[GoktimusPrime]

This so much!
https://www.understood.org/en/family/events-outings/family-dinners-and-dining-out/should-i-let-my-child-quietly-use-his-phone-at-the-dinner-table

On one hand I cannot believe that this is even a question that people need to ask, but on the other hand it never ceases to simultaneously astound me at how many people just don't get it and continue to allow and enable their children to use mobile devices at the table. I'm sure that it's super duper obvious common sense to all of us here that we (and our children) don't use mobile devices at the table... but I cannot tell you the number of times I see this happen in public.

[jazzcomp]

What would you do if your teen daughter was harrassed (called babe or baby)? She's just wearing jeans and shirt to give context.

Would you just ignore it or do something about it?

[kurdt_the_goat]

This so much!
https://www.understood.org/en/family/events-outings/family-dinners-and-dining-out/should-i-let-my-child-quietly-use-his-phone-at-the-dinner-table

On one hand I cannot believe that this is even a question that people need to ask, but on the other hand it never ceases to simultaneously astound me at how many people just don't get it and continue to allow and enable their children to use mobile devices at the table. I'm sure that it's super duper obvious common sense to all of us here that we (and our children) don't use mobile devices at the table... but I cannot tell you the number of times I see this happen in public.

I'm not disagreeing, but you have to at least wonder if this is just the way things are going, or what chance we all have to fight this kind of thing. The tech isn't going away. The only way thing that happens is we move onto the next thing. No one bats an eyelid at having the TV on during dinner now but that was a big no-no when I was a kid. Before we're dead, we'll probably be fighting VR at the table not mobiles!

[GoktimusPrime]

What would you do if your teen daughter was harrassed (called babe or baby)? She's just wearing jeans and shirt to give context.

Would you just ignore it or do something about it?
I would do something about it.

I'm not disagreeing, but you have to at least wonder if this is just the way things are going, or what chance we all have to fight this kind of thing. The tech isn't going away. The only way thing that happens is we move onto the next thing. No one bats an eyelid at having the TV on during dinner now but that was a big no-no when I was a kid. Before we're dead, we'll probably be fighting VR at the table not mobiles!
Books have been around for centuries but it's still rude to read them at the table. It's not so much the tech but basic manners and respect -- i.e. not burying your head in some form of distraction and ignoring your present company.

[Autocon]

I would do something about it.

Books have been around for centuries but it's still rude to read them at the table. It's not so much the tech but basic manners and respect -- i.e. not burying your head in some form of distraction and ignoring your present company.

An ex did this. Key word ex

[jazzcomp]

I would do something about it.

Like what?

I was prepared for a violent response if he was going to do something more than words or if he persisted. :mad: I considered it a catcall and they walked away immediately.

It was still a bad experience for my daughter. :(

[GoktimusPrime]

Like what?
Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Not violence though unless he's threatening someone's safety.

I would likely ask him questions to make him reflect on his actions, like:
"Do you think that was appropriate?"
"Why/Why not?"
"What can you do or say now to make things better?"
"What will you do in the future to make things better?"
etc.

[jazzcomp]

Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Not violence though unless he's threatening someone's safety.

I would likely ask him questions to make him reflect on his actions, like:
"Do you think that was appropriate?"
"Why/Why not?"
"What can you do or say now to make things better?"
"What will you do in the future to make things better?"
etc.
I don't think a discussion will work with idiots like these. But thanks for the input.

[Galvatran]

Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Not violence though unless he's threatening someone's safety.

I would likely ask him questions to make him reflect on his actions, like:
"Do you think that was appropriate?"
"Why/Why not?"
"What can you do or say now to make things better?"
"What will you do in the future to make things better?"
etc.
Ah Goki. Trying to use logic when a round house kick to the face followed up with stomp on the groin would serve a better dialogue.

"Do you think that was appropriate?" (b!tch slap)
"Why/Why not?" (back hander)
"What can you do or say now to make things better?" (round house kick)
"What will you do in the future to make things better?" (groin attack)



I don't think a discussion will work with idiots like these. But thanks for the input.
... But thanks for the input.

That's gold jazzcomp. :D

[GoktimusPrime]

I don't think a discussion will work with idiots like these. But thanks for the input.
Again, hard to tell having not been there. Questions geared towards prompting thought and discussion (the positive behaviour method) works really well because it re-empowers the bully in a positive way and treats them as an intelligent/rational agent rather than going down to their level and attacking them. But the problem with the positive behaviour method is that it doesn't work well if the bully is being emotionally irrational and not receptive to being reasoned with - I find that in this case it may be better to adopt a more authoritarian approach where you just, in no uncertain terms, put them in their place.

I was recently watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and once scene that stood out to me was during Quidditch training where the Gryffindor team were being rowdy and restless. Harry was trying to get them to calm down and listen to him, but he could barely get a word in because the others kept on yapping. Then Ginny Weasley just yells, SHUT IT! and the whole team shut up. :D Yeah... talk to them like a PE teacher or sports coach -- direct and no nonsense, but also maintaining the moral high ground. You're not verbally abusing or attacking them, but you're just cutting out the nonsense and getting straight to the point. I do this sometimes in class if a kid is being really silly -- a few weeks ago I had a student who was out of seat without permission in my class and was distracting other students. I got his attention then this happened...
Me: "Sit."
Student: "Shouldn't you be asking me more nicely?"
Me: "Sit."
Student: "You're ordering me like a dog!"
Me: "Sit."
<student sits down>
As I said, this is the authoritarian method. Simple and direct. It lets the other person know in no uncertain terms what you expect of them.

I prefer to use the positive behaviour method, but sometimes it's just not appropriate or suitable (or even possible), so in other cases I default to the authoritarian method. The problem with the authoritarian method is that it can be confronting and provocative - so you really need to gauge your audience to see how they would react to it. The authoritarian method can make people feel cornered and disempowered, thus more likely to lash out and escalate hostility, so it's not a method that you would use on someone who is already angry.

But if it's a case of some creep wolf-whistling your daughter, so while he's being grossly inappropriate he's not necessarily in an agitated or angered state, then you might be able to use the positive behaviour or authoritarian method -- again, I can't really tell without having been there. If you want to use the authoritarian method then I suppose simply marching up to him and telling him directly how inappropriate his actions were and then demanding an apology to your daughter might work. But you see, the problem with this method is that it doesn't teach him anything. Your words might just go in one ear and out the other, and at best, he might apologise to your daughter because he's scared of you and not because he's learnt the error of his ways. Which means that next time he has the opportunity to wolf whistle a girl, if he thinks he can get away with it (e.g. if she's alone or not with a male relative/friend) then he might just do it again. He's only scared of getting caught and doesn't really understand why he shouldn't do that again to another girl.

The positive behaviour method works better because it educates. Because he has to actually answer your questions he has to think about what he's done. When you ask, "Do you think that was really an appropriate thing to do?" he can't just blindly answer, "No, sir. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again, sir." -- i.e. his mouth is on autopilot and his brain has shut down. Consider instead...
"Do you think that was really an appropriate thing to do?"
"No, sorry."
"Why do you think that was inappropriate?"
Note the follow up question. Why? This question is designed to provoke thought. You can't autopilot your mouth and switch your brain off. You have to be mentally engaged and answer the question. Also consider...
"What can you do now to make things better?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what would you expect from someone else if they did something that upset you?"
"Apologise to me."
"That's a good answer. So what can you do to my daughter after having upset her?"
"I should say sorry."
"Good idea. Shall we go over to her now?"
"Yeah."
See the difference here? You're not telling the person what to do or think, you're merely providing guidance. And the decision to apologise then comes from him, not you. Nothing is forced - it's a decision made through free will and is thus a more sincere apology. It's not lip service. Because quite frankly, if someone gives me a fake apology then I refuse to accept it. Not that any of my students have ever given me an insincere apology, because they know damn well that I would never take it.

P.S.: another method is the choice method, this can be tacked onto other methods such as the positive behaviour or the authoritarian method.
e.g. (authoritarian x choice)
"If you don't apologise now I will call the police and file a complaint against you for sexual harassment. You have 15 seconds to make a decision."
"I'm not going to apologise..."
"13 seconds remaining."

[M-bot]

Teenagers! Mr 15 asks us to help him work out averages of the times he was taking to solve a Rubiks Cube (his current obsession). Then tells us we’re doing it wrong when we point out that 1 minute 30 seconds and 1.5 minutes are the same thing, despite our explanations. And keeps arguing. And keeps arguing.

Geez, I wish I knew everything.

[GoktimusPrime]

Teach him to put his money where his mouth is. Agree on a bet, then tell him to ask the question to his maths teacher and come back with the result. Although a bit odd that he doesn't know how to convert fractions and decimals at his age. :confused: My daughter's learning this now but she's 9 - and I teach my 15 year olds more complicated stuff like Pythagorean Theorem. :/ <shrugs> :confused:

Anyway, losing a wager might teach him a lesson. :) I sometimes have kids in my class who engage in stupid arguments like this and I tell them to make a small wager (e.g. loser buys the winner a pack of chips from the school canteen). ;) 9 times out of 10 the kid who's wrong will very suddenly back down. :D

[Trent]

Teach him to put his money where his mouth is. Agree on a bet, then tell him to ask the question to his maths teacher and come back with the result. Although a bit odd that he doesn't know how to convert fractions and decimals at his age. :confused: My daughter's learning this now but she's 9 - and I teach my 15 year olds more complicated stuff like Pythagorean Theorem. :/ <shrugs> :confused:

Anyway, losing a wager might teach him a lesson. :) I sometimes have kids in my class who engage in stupid arguments like this and I tell them to make a small wager (e.g. loser buys the winner a pack of chips from the school canteen). ;) 9 times out of 10 the kid who's wrong will very suddenly back down. :D

At work we do cake bets. If someone is making a claim or two people are arguing, then someone will suggest a cake bet. The loser buys a $5 Woolworths cake for the group for afternoon tea. More often then not someone backs down. But I still eat a lot of cake at work. Every now and then I have to buy one too :)

[M-bot]

Teach him to put his money where his mouth is. Agree on a bet, then tell him to ask the question to his maths teacher and come back with the result. Although a bit odd that he doesn't know how to convert fractions and decimals at his age. :confused: My daughter's learning this now but she's 9 - and I teach my 15 year olds more complicated stuff like Pythagorean Theorem. :/ <shrugs> :confused:

Anyway, losing a wager might teach him a lesson. :) I sometimes have kids in my class who engage in stupid arguments like this and I tell them to make a small wager (e.g. loser buys the winner a pack of chips from the school canteen). ;) 9 times out of 10 the kid who's wrong will very suddenly back down. :D

I thought the same thing... he REALLY should know this stuff by now. He’s generally pretty good with his school work... not a genius, but he gets by, without a massive amount of application. And he’s asking us to do averages for him? And then telling us we’re wrong? I suspect the reptilian part of his brain took over at that point. :p;)


At work we do cake bets. If someone is making a claim or two people are arguing, then someone will suggest a cake bet. The loser buys a $5 Woolworths cake for the group for afternoon tea. More often then not someone backs down. But I still eat a lot of cake at work. Every now and then I have to buy one too :)

This, and Gok’s idea about a wager is a stellar idea. But I can’t eat cake, sadly. It’d have to be chips.

Cake bet. I like it. Totally stealing that for work.

[GoktimusPrime]

Action figure bet.

If he loses then he has to pay for your next Transformer purchase. You can pre-order MP-44 and he can spend the summer washing all of your neighbours' cars, mowing lawns and other odd jobs. :D

[DaptoDog]

Entered a new phase of fatherhood after playing Barbie with my little girl this morning. Her dolls had terrible articulation though so we got her the better ones this avo. :D

[GoktimusPrime]

WWYD - kid ignores parents while playing on mobile device (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSewZlRmvuI)

This has become an increasingly common sight with kids, even toddlers, just being glued to screens at the table. It's nothing short of disgusting. But real life is worse than this simulation with actors, cos IRL I never see parents even attempt to stop their kids from looking at the screen. They're either enabling it by failing to stop their kids, or they're instigating it. And there are times where I see the parents also using devices at the table! Digital zombies!

I wish that I could see more parents like these actors who would challenge their child for behaving so disrespectfully at the table. Of course, they're making the super rookie mistake of asking the child to put it way, not telling him. There's no authority being established here. And to go from gently asking him to put the device away to simply snatching it out of his hands is too much of an extreme IMO. And of course the snatching is going to upset the child as it's a hostile/invasive action; they're jumping from one extreme to another. But yeah, what I'm more likely to see in real life are just parents doing nothing, or worse, joining in. :rolleyes:

On the plus side it can be advantageous to learn from other people's mistakes (rather than making them yourself).

[TaZZerath]

I'm trying to avoid 'small screen time' for my 2 1/2 yo son as much as I can, but his grandma (on my partners side) is making things difficult. She plays games on her phone and then just gives it to any of her grandkids if they get rowdy (my son isn't but my partners brothers kids, 3 of them, are all atrocious because parenting isn't a word in their household). I've already expressed my concerns to her that he shouldn't be doing such stuff at his age (and the fact that he already knows how to tap, zoom, 'pinch', etc is disturbing enough) but as she babysits him most of the time, there's little I can do when I'm not around...

Fortunately with where we live he gets balance in outdoor activities. I just don't want him to be like me and 'screen bound' for the early part of his life. He's already potentially got bad genetics with his eyes (I wear glasses) and I wanna try and avoid antisocial behaviour as well.

[GoktimusPrime]

So many issues I see with parenting come from parents wanting a quick-fix solution, and that can be either with parents just caving to their kids requests to make them shut up, or parents getting all angry and shouty just to make them shut up. They're two sides of the same coin - want solution now - just shut up! I'm sure that this comes to news as nobody here, but behaviour management (either for my own child or other people's children (my students)) comes down to 3 key factors:
* Be firm
* Be fair
* Be consistent

This is why the actors in that WWYD video are failing as parents because they're failing to observe all 3 basic principles of parenting. Simply asking the boy to put his tablet away instead of telling him to do so is soft, not firm. Yanking the tablet away from him without giving any warning or opportunity to do it himself is unfair. And obviously they're not being consistent with their expectations... children will use devices at the table because they've been allowed to do so before. They've gotten away with it before.

Grandparents can be tricky, but I think the best thing you can do is ensure that you and your wife are being as firm, fair and consistent as possible with your child at home. You will find that that will have a greater effect than grandparents anyway. Worst case scenario, your son will only be indulged with greater screen time at his grandparents' place but nowhere else. Children will modify their behaviour in different situations and for different adults, but ultimately it comes from the parents. And especially during the Terrible Twos... man do I not miss this period! :D But seriously, so long as you dig your heels in deep and maintain the core principles of parenting, then things will get a lot better by Age 3.

My nephew is now 3½ and he already started entering the Terrible Twos when he was 1½ - and yeah, part of that was due to grandparents badly spoiling him. But his parents dug their heels in after his 2nd birthday and now he's so different. When he was 2 he was a real handful. He'd run into oncoming traffic if you didn't watch him, and his mum and dad were constantly chasing him like in an episode of Benny Hill. But he's changed so much now - he was playing with my daughter on the weekend and they were playing with Nerf guns. I told him that he could shoot objects but never shoot people. For the most part he was good with this rule, but then he went and shot someone else. Now it didn't hurt, but he broke the rule so I confiscated the gun from him. I was expecting him to have a meltdown, but he didn't! He put himself into a naughty corner! :D I walked away from him and started counting down to 3 minutes of isolation (1 minute for each year of his life), but after 1.5 minutes he walked over to me and apologised. So I did the follow up talk -- crouched down to his eye level and asked him what he had done blah blah blah, then kisses and cuddles and praised him for owning up to his behaviour. And yeah, our daughter was a terror at 2, but we dug our heels in and behaviour-wise things have been pretty smooth since age 3. Seriously, my current behaviour target for her atm is that she still chews loudly... but this made me realise that if loud chewing at the table is my biggest behavioural concern for my child, then I'm not doing so badly. :p

One thing that interested me about gamblor916's experience with watching Bumblebee vs my third viewing was that in both cases our cinemas were full of school kids on holiday care. So they were away from their parents. But gamblor916 mentioned that the kids in his cinema were well behaved, whereas the kids in my cinema (and Tha Phantom was with me and can vouch for this) were just excremental. But this just goes to show that the kids in gamblor916's cinemas have been demonstrably better parented than those in my cinema. Because a well parented child can be trusted to behave themselves even when their parents aren't around. If a child only behaves themselves when a parent has to be there to threaten them, then the child isn't really a well behaved child. They're a rotten child who is just waiting for an opportunity to misbehave, and that opportunity may be when mum and dad aren't around. And of course, you have super bad kids who will outright misbehave in front of their parents.

Note: I'm not talking about occasional misbehaving. Kids and kids and will sometimes make mistakes. I'm talking about routine or regular misbehaviours. My daughter hasn't yet attempted to use her tablet at the table, but she's only had it for a few weeks. But if she becomes the kind of kid who can't put her tablet down then I need to reevaluate my parenting practices!

[Bladestorm]

Use of digital devices when out/at dinner is always an interesting topic and one my husband and I have juggled with over many years.

We don't allow digital devices at the dining table at home as it's family time.
We do allow our children to take digital devices to a restaurant depending on the situation but there are rules around it.
We don't allow our children to use their devices while the meal is being served/eaten when out and often not beforehand either.
They may be allowed to use the device (note I use the word may as it is not always a given) once they have finished their meal IF the situation is appropriate.
We do often allow them to use the device after they've eaten if it is just the 4 of us at a restaurant so that my husband and I can talk while we finish our meal without the kids constantly interrupting or nagging to leave as meals are one of the few times my husband and I get to have a real chat to each other outside all the other commitments we have going on around us.
If out with friends and other children do not have devices our kids are normally not allowed their devices either (with the odd exception of playing together on the Nintendo Switch when appropriate as it allows multiple players/controllers if the other parents are in agreement if the kids ask). We do prefer our kids to socialise and chat or play, although my son can be paranoid about taking his transformers out with him for fear of loosing them from time to time.
If out with friends whose children are using digital devices we normally allow our kids to use theirs but with the prior restrictions in place in terms of eating meals. We try to encourage some socialisation from our kids with friends children but often it is futile when the other kids are too engrossed in their own devices.

In Hong Kong we constantly fought the idea of the kids having digital devices but it was a lost battle (we did resist until the kids were older) as all the kids and parents we associated with used their devices ALL the time when we would be out and our children would be left out, feel out of place, or teased.
I even got told by a group of mums there I was far too strict because I wouldn't let my son have his ipad while eating. Their kids eyes did not leave their ipads EVERY time we had dinner with them. In one case the son would be fed (!!) by the parent while he watched youtube or played a game which I found utterly outrageous! I find the idea of a child playing a game or watching videos while eating with friends and/or family incredibly rude (regardless of the antisocial behavior) so we never allowed it.

We have also been strict on social media access. Our children aren't allowed social media until they turn 13 and under strict conditions and responsibility. Almost all of their HK friends have had social media accounts since the age of 7/8 so my kids got teased for that but having seen what some of my daughters HK friends have posted on Instagram I am glad we waited as she is far more conscious about how she interacts online. Of course, social media and kids is a whole other topic...

Digital devices have their usefulness. On long haul flights and in airports they are a godsend. Used with limitations and with understanding and supervision they can be fabulous tools for learning and imagination.
They don't replace parenting though and personally I believe in being hands on with understanding what our kids are doing and watching with their devices.
We believe using the devices is a privilege. We also use digital time as a reward which can be a strong motivator.

As for movies, we have been a bit horrified by the behaviour of patrons recently and certain complexes seem to be worse than others so after a couple of bad experiences we tend to go to one particular cinema complex where we find people are generally more "civilised" if the movie we want to see is on there. I feel like an old fuddy duddy saying that but having people constantly chatting with each other or on their phones really detracts from the whole reason for watching in a cinema.

[GoktimusPrime]

even got told by a group of mums there I was far too strict because I wouldn't let my son have his ipad while eating.

Almost all of their HK friends have had social media accounts since the age of 7/8 so my kids got teased for that
You're not strict, you have standards. I know a principal of a local high school who is known for telling her students, "I make no apology for having high standards."


I feel like an old fuddy duddy saying that but having people constantly chatting with each other or on their phones really detracts from the whole reason for watching in a cinema.
The worst cinema experiences I had recently was during the first and last time that I saw Bumblebee. The first time was at Bondi and there were lots of people - adults - scattered throughout the audience talking. There was also a group of men up the back who were being especially loud and just cavorting and even laughing loudly at critical parts of the story. The third time that I saw Bumblebee was at Auburn and the cinema was full of kids who were just terrors as I described in last post. I honestly don't know which was worse. The kids at Auburn were really badly behaved, but they're children (not an excuse though). The audience at Bondi wasn't as badly behaved but they were grown adults.

From a scale of 1 to 10 Auburn as an IRSEA* of 1, the lowest possible score. Bondi Junction on the other has an IRSEA of 9, so pretty high up on socio-economic advantage. So yeah, I think an adult audience in a privileged neighbourhood really ought to be behaving better than children in poor neighbourhood. Although I would like to think that being rich or poor really shouldn't determine a person's set of basic manners and sense of civility. Courtesy costs nothing.

----------------------------------------------------
*Index of Relative Socio-Economic Advantage
Source: 2011 census data, ABS (https://www.sbs.com.au/interactive/2017/struggle-street/)

[M-bot]

Yeah, I want to echo what Goktimus said about standards. We have similar rules for our kids. My 16-y-o step-son sometimes complains that he doesn’t like the rules we have as they are not the same as his father’s place or his friends. We remind him that those places have different standards that we can’t control and don’t seek to - but we do have values of our own and standards we choose for our own home, and we don’t apologise for them.

You do what you feel is right for you and your home.

[Lint]

Eh I wanted to be one of those parents who kept their kids 'device-free' but I realised my son was learning a lot more from youtube videos than I could teach him myself. By enforcing such a policy the only thing that would benefit is my ego.

He really likes watching videos and playing educational games but he isn't addicted and/or reliant on it to stay settled and always prefers doing an activity with a parent instead. It will be a fine line to walk to ensure it stays this way as he grows up.

I find the whole, "and then I caught my toddler watching something obscene of youtube so you can't just leave them with the device" a bit hard to believe. The suggestion algorithms are so focused that your child only has a network of 50 'suggested' videos to cycle through. I actually have to actively 'seed' new videos into my account from time to time so that he gets exposed to more advanced stuff.

My biggest concern with screen time is damage to his eyesight. I always try to ensure the room is well lit while he watches and that he doesn't hold the device to close to his face but ultimately young children do not have the self discipline to rest their eyes.

[GoktimusPrime]

My daughter likes watching things like Horrible Histories and SciShow Kids on her iPad so what we do is have her stream it on the TV so that it basically becomes the same as watching TV and we know exactly what she's doing. This way it also counts as her TV time and not her device time, which she prefers. It's also more sociable because I can sit on the couch with her and watch it together rather than huddling over a small screen.

Also... she recently taught me how to stream my phone on the TV so now I can watch stuff like The Basics On Transformers on the big telly! :)

[Trent]

Our 4yo son gets zero device time although he does watch a bit more TV then we would like. I have read quite a few things emphasising the importance of kids learning to deal with boredom and also the concerns around the potential future consequences of getting children addicted to endorphins at an early age. That and I see no advantage to it at his age. I would like to get him a Lego Boost set so he can be introduced to coding but I don’t think the benefits outweigh the problems for him at this stage.

[GoktimusPrime]

Trent: I totally agree with you. I don't even think there's much advantage for our nine year old, but we had to get her a device because she starts Year 5 this year which is when their mandatory Bring Your Own Device thing starts at school. I don't necessarily agree with it, but since it's a requirement we felt the best thing to do was to lay ground rules from the very start. I've recently been speaking to a man whose 18 year old grandson plays games on his device for 15 hours a day and he becomes enraged at his own family and threatens violence against them if they try to take the games away from him. :/

[Trent]

Granted, that would be the extreme end of the spectrum. Most people wouldn’t have to worry about their children ending up like that.

It all comes down to your child. I don’t give my child any device time but that’s MY kid and I know him. Other parents would know their own children and what works best for them. So device time can be present and if used correctly, like Lint said can be a very educational tool. I mean, imagine if we’d, as kids, had pretty much the entire database of human knowledge at our fingertips!

We’d probably just have used it to laugh at cat videos :p

[Trent]

No shit Sherlock. (https://www.sbs.com.au/news/no-link-between-measles-vaccine-and-autism-major-study-confirms)

But hey, don’t let peer reviewed science get in the way of your unfounded, irrational beliefs.

:rolleyes:

[GoktimusPrime]

The sad thing is that these articles are only preaching to the choir. Studies show that if anything, they only strengthen the belief of Anti-Vaxxers thanks to a thing called confirmation bias. :(

Still, sharing these articles is useful for convincing people who are unsure. People who are doubters but not yet deniers and are still able to be swayed to the side of reason. That's the best we can do is convince the doubters; sadly there's not much we can do about the deniers... even though denying facts just makes you look like a complete idiot. *sigh*

[Sinnertwin]

https://i.imgur.com/xJVE1K8.jpg?1

[BigTransformerTrev]

https://i.imgur.com/xJVE1K8.jpg?1

The funny thing is most of our family were sick over the last two weeks because of a vaccination.

My daughter got her vaccinations that you get at age 4. One of them was an active virus so she developed a mild version of it so her body could learn how to deflect a full blown version. My wife and I hadn't been vaccinated so we caught it from her and were off work for 10 days each.

When the doctor was checking if my wife and I had the virus he took swabs by shoving these 6 inch cotton buds right up our noses! :eek: Hurt like hell! Worst part was he nicked something when doing it to my wife and a bunch of blood came out, which then caused her blood pressure to dramatically drop and she passed out! It was scary as! Took 2 doctors to bring her round. Ironically we had only gone in to get sick notes for our respective works :rolleyes:

My son had the same vaccine at age 4 so the virus never touched him at all. Not so much as a sniffle so it shows they do work.

[Raider]

https://i.imgur.com/xJVE1K8.jpg?1

This article (https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/queensland/major-study-shows-no-link-between-measles-vaccine-and-autism-20190304-p511px.html) and the study it refer to should put a nail in the anti-vax coffin so so speak.

[GoktimusPrime]

Badaboom TISH!

It's not at all unusual to exhibit symptoms of sickness after a vaccine. As Trev has correctly pointed out, it is because it's the body's immune system learning how to fight the inactive form of the pathogen that's just been injected into the body. If you think of your white blood cells as soldiers then the sick feeling is because they're undoing grueling combat simulation training. :)

If you ever get the chance, there's a really educational anime series called "Cells At Work (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYfdanAahVI)." It explains how the body works at a cellular level in a pretty fun and entertaining way, although not suitable for little kids due to the violence and gore scene during an immune response (although IRL it's actually far more violent and gory!). I was introduced to this series by a friend of mine who's a biology teacher and I know a few other bio teachers who encourage their senior students to watch this show if they're struggling to understand concepts of microbiology.

Some of my favourite parts of the show includes:
* Sneezes are shown as being rockets launching.
* Red blood cells all carry boxes labelled O2 or CO2
* All cell types have different uniforms/clothes; white blood cells, Killer T Cells, Helper T Cells, Macrophages, B Cells, Dendrites etc.
* Memory Cells carry have books that document past infections, instructing other cells on how to fight new infections. <---this is where vaccines come into play because while the immune cells are fighting it's these Memory Cells that are "remembering" how to fight.
* All of the body's cells look like people whereas pathogens look like monsters. Infected cells look like zombies.
* When the body is infected everyone feels hot. The body has a fever!
* The stomach is portrayed as a food assembly line, and when the body is infected an alarm is sounded with the entire assembly line being forcibly shut down (and all the worker cells going, "Aawww!") -- loss of appetite!
etc etc.

It's a shame that there isn't a more kid friendly version without all the blood and gore, because it's otherwise quite a fun way to learn about the body. :) The show has even been praised by doctors!