Simple question. Hard answer.

[turtle boy]

My dad's been at me and at me about my Girlfriend lately and just now. A fellow tranfan from another forum community, he asked me to make him a Signature and Avatar pack. I said ok but I'm in need of some payment, We agreed on $50.

So I was out at the fridge using at as a back drop for the pic I was taking, and dad starts going on about how my collecting isn't normal, and how pathetic I am. He says "I stopped doing that kind of $hit when I was 12" I said I didn't care what he thought, I like it. Then he started on the fact I haven't found another job and that he and mum go out and work all day and night. (mum works days he works nights) While I sit at home and not care, He said I spend more time "playing" with transformers then I do working or anything of great importance.

So to get this f*&k head off my back, I'm considering selling my collection off.
Just wanted some advice, whether or not I should do this.

Any help will be appreciated.

Thanks. Turtle.

PS: if this is in the wrong section, I'm sorry.

[Lint]

Selling your collection won't help. As long as he thinks he is more awesome than you he will find something to rag on you with. It's better than you find another 'job' or transform your passion into something that can support you.

In short, don't sell. If you want to cheat for some relief, 'sell' it to someone you trust for the meantime and grab it back at a later date.

[TheDirtyDigger]

Leave home. I did it at 17. Best move ever.

[turtle boy]

Leave home. I did it at 17. Best move ever.

I've tried 5 times, and now I have no money to do it.:(

[llamatron]

...get a job?

[turtle boy]

...get a job?

I've been trying, i've had enough shit from him, I don't need it from you!!:mad:

[TheDirtyDigger]

I've tried 5 times, and now I have no money to do it.:(

Sell what is unnecessary to your survival. If I were in your situation I would consider it an imperative to get out on my own and assert my independence.
Toys are unnecessary. A luxury to be forsaken in the quest for a more fulfilling existence.
Don't let your possessions own you and get out and live. That is my advice.

[fatbot]

Sell what is unnecessary to your survival. If I were in your situation I would consider it an imperative to get out on my own and assert my independence.
Toys are unnecessary. A luxury to be forsaken in the quest for a more fulfilling existence.
Don't let your possessions own you and get out and live. That is my advice.

Diggers' right, don't let toys rule your life, sell if you must, but get away away from the old man he's going to do nothing but hang crap on you until you walk away from him.

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

DD's advice is pretty good, but here's a few questions to consider as well.

Will selling your collection stop the problem, or are the TFs just a symptom of other problems? If the latter, is it worth getting rid of them for a temporary ceasefire?

Selling limited resources isn't a sustainable way of making money - do you have enough TFs (or other assets) that it'll get you out of there (if necessary) with enough time to hopefully get a job before your money runs out?

Which would you regret more: keeping them and taking your dad's **** or selling them and (maybe/temporarily?) stopping it?

And, finally...what have you got and how much would you be selling it for? ;)

[Wheel-J]

That really entails a tough answer as it is somewhat a family matter and I havn't been in that kind of situation before. But what I could advise is what I'd do first if I was in your situation is I'd keep all my collections first out of their sight and be discreet on any TF activities for some time. Just to let them cool off until your current status stabilzes (meaning just to give them an impression that you're solid serious on looking for a job). Selling your collection "may" cause additional burden but maybe just for a bit of time as I know some members on the board had currently done so. As hard it is to tell how your relationship with your parents are, I'm not suggesting that you sell your collections immediately and give them some more time as possible.

Otherwise, if that doesn't work, kindly post it here first under the sale yard. :D

Best of luck mate!

[GoktimusPrime]

dad starts going on about how my collecting isn't normal, and how pathetic I am.
He wants to hold you up to scrutiny by saying that you're abnormal and pathetic for collecting toys, but he doesn't seem to be applying the same scrutiny to himself. Is bullying your own son something that you would consider normal and not pathetic?


He says "I stopped doing that kind of $hit when I was 12"
So shouldn't he also grow out of intentionally belittling and teasing others? I find that far more childish (not to mention harmful) than collecting toys. As odd as he may think collecting and playing with toys is, you're not hurting anyone. Bullying you on the other hand is evidently hurting you -- and psychological pain is often greater than physical pain ("the pen is mightier than the sword").


I said I didn't care what he thought, I like it.
The phrase, "mind your own business" comes to mind. So long as your hobby doesn't effect his life, then who cares how you want to spend your own time or money? As others have said, this will become easier for you once you move out (which unfortunately does indeed require money :( But if you're living with an abusive parent then I see no need for you to hang around just to cop his crap)


Then he started on the fact I haven't found another job and that he and mum go out and work all day and night. (mum works days he works nights) While I sit at home and not care, He said I spend more time "playing" with transformers then I do working or anything of great importance.
And what is the basis of his accusation? Where is his evidence? Has he been monitoring you all day or conducted an investigation into how you've been spending your days, coming to the deductive conclusion that you are spending an unreasonably inordinate amount of time playing with your toys instead of looking for work?

From what you've told me, it seems like he caught you engaged with your something related to your hobby for one moment. In order for his accusation to stand, he will need further evidence to show that this behaviour has been sustained. I used to live with a housemate who was unemployed and I suspected that he was bludging all day. Everytime I was home he was either sleeping or gaming. I never saw him looking for work and I very rarely saw him out of the house job-searching. But instead of throwing accusations at him, everyday when I came home I would ask him, "How was your job hunting? Any luck?" and sit down and talk to him about how he'd been job hunting - e.g.: "Oh yeah... who did you call today?" etc. - and a lot of times he would just openly admit that he hadn't looked for any work that day. Oh, and if anyone is wondering why I was being so nosy about my housemate's search for work, it was because he was consistently behind on paying his share of rent and bills, which I would have to cover for. And he was often loaning money off me too and was building an increasing debt... so yeah, his unemployment was effecting my personal finances, so I had a vested interest in making sure that he got a job quick!

So perhaps a way to counter his accusations is to provide evidence to the contrary, like keeping a simple record of what jobs you've looked into each day and if he bothers you you can say, "Well today I've called..." or "I emailed my résumé to..." etc. - maybe a basic job seeking journal. Think of it as a "Read this and weep!" strategy... what's he going to say if you actually provide evidence to the contrary of what he's accusing you of doing? He'd look foolish if he continued to harass you.


So to get this f*&k head off my back, I'm considering selling my collection off.
Just wanted some advice, whether or not I should do this.

Any help will be appreciated.
I wouldn't sell your collection off -- I believe that this would be a decision that you would come to regret later on, because I know how much you love your TFs like the rest of us. And quite frankly, selling them off would be like admitting that your dad is right... and I don't think he is.

You've done the right thing but cutting down your TF consumption during your unemployment. Unless you've run out of money to live on, I don't see how selling your TFs is going to help. It's not as if selling your collection will get you a new job. If you need money, then perhaps you could consider Digger's advice and sell off some of your collection. If so, I would prioritise which toys are most expendable to you and sell those first -- keep the toys that are most precious to you. i.e.: sell ones which you are less likely to later regret selling. For example, don't you have both a custom and regular MP Thundercracker? Perhaps you could decide to sell one of those. Just a suggestion.

Here's a quote (http://charlesbryant.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/imaginationeinstein.jpg) that always comes to my mind whenever people accuse playing with toys as being "childish". :)

[blackie]

not knowing your dad one bit, or you for that matter here is my advice:

there are some people you will never be able to please, no matter what you do. thats just the way some people are sadly, they will always look for the negetives, and there is no way to change that.

I almost sold off my collection about 3 weeks ago, and im still teetering on the edge of doing it, but like people before have said, quickly liqudating assets wont help in the long run, it may help you move out of home, but if you cant afford to pay the bills etc your back to square 1

I think what you need to do, as did i to an extent is work out what is most important to you. i decided that i wanted to keep my transformer collection, but since, ive cut back on so many other things. once again ive given up drinking (yes im a heathen for saying that :P but i can easily spend over $100 in a night) ive also stemmed my impulse buying, as well as things like food at work and uni etc, and budgeting (im budgeting now for the car im going to buy in 8 months)

in the end you should look at what you think is best for you not others, because in the end you have to look out for yourself first

hope some of this helps :)

[kup]

Diggers' right, don't let toys rule your life, sell if you must, but get away away from the old man he's going to do nothing but hang crap on you until you walk away from him.

That is the best advice. When I turned 10 my father simply grabbed all my toys and threw them out - just like that. His reason was that I was too old to play with toys.

My dad was a bad influence on me and my mother was absolutely hopeless so I had to take it upon myself to forge my own identity. Unfortunately to do that you need to be independent and that means at the very least to 'pause' your toy collecting or any other time and money consuming hobbies and get yourself a stable full time job that can provide for you without any need or aid from your parents.

Once you do that you will be free to do anything you like as long as it doesn't interfere with your independence and doesn't make you seek help from your parents, the government or anybody.

Don't sell your collection because you want your dad off your back because you will only live to regret it. If you need to sell, do it to bring yourself a step closer to independence and once you achieve it, reclaim your collection back, just like I did :)

[Golden Phoenix]

I know the feeling. Dad said the same kind of things.
He came into my room while I was watching some G1 saying how childish it was.

I think the problem then was was that I was living off him. At the time I didn't have a job. Now I have a job, he laid off a bit. He doesn't mind me doing it as much now, especially since I have made friends from it, he sees the social aspect of it.

Take diggers advice. If it isn't right, then it's damn on the right track.

[dirge]

If you're genuinely looking for work and trying your best to find it, then you've nothing to feel ashamed of. The fact is that those out work - no matter how hard they're looking - will have more free time.

For your father (or anyone else) to give you a hard time for being out of work is unfair. Aside from the fact you were let go of only recently, it's not like finding a job is easy at this point in time.

As some people here have alluded to, selling your collection won't do squat for your long term cash flow. Sure, you're best slowing ot stopping your TF acquisitions at the moment, but selling your TFs now just means you've got less to keep your spirits up at this difficult time - and if you decide at a later date to reacquire them, selling now is futile. If you get desperate for cash, that's different, but selling them to satisfy someone else's ideals is something I'd recommend against.

I can't comment on your home situation, but if your father refuses to accept your collecting of TFs as apart of your identity, then it does sound like he's expecting you to live up to his ideals rather than accepting you as your own person. How you deal with that is up to you - you know him better than any of us - but I don't think you should simply cave to his pressure. Be yourself, and love your life for yourself, not others.

Hope this helps (:

[autobreadticon]

take some responsibiity and grow some balls

[Paulbot]

Bread, that doesn't help!

Turtleboy you are right in the thread title: it's a hard answer.

You were doing some creative work, for a fee, when you got a hard time so I think you can ignore some of those comments. But it does not sound like a good place to live.

[Gutsman Heavy]

Don't sell them dude, they wont give you enough money to live on, only regret! By all means try and get a good job etc, but don't kill your passions for someone else, what is life with out passion?

[willocrew]

This is what I suggest:

1) Sell off whatever is unnecessary and keep only those that are absolute essentials.. this way, you will have money for a rainy day. You family situation looks precarious and if you get kicked out of your house, at least you've got sometihng to get by for at least a good solid month.

2) Stay with your parents and don't leave home yet... get a job .... put cash into the bank account... stabilise yourself... then move out.

3) your long term plan should be moving out...

[Autocon]

dont sell your collection because someone else wants you to

only sell your collection when YOU want to and not at any other time


ps if you are selling have any Beast Wars?

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

As a side note, how old are you and what are your experience and qualifications?

[MV75]

As a side note, how old are you and what are your experience and qualifications?

Finally. Someone is on the right track. We need to get this guy into a job.

Don't sell your toys, money comes and goes.

I think the job on itself is the only main thing the old man has an issue with, he's using everything else as (how he sees it), a motivator to "get off your slack arse" and get a job. Don't take the additional flak seriously and let it make you feel worthless, I've been there too many times myself, and now I'm earning, those things that used to put me into the "I'm a useless fat tunt" mood don't affect me at all now. Earning an income is the main point.

Because when you have that happening, you will then have the means to move if you want, AND keep your swag. ;) Plus when you're actually earning and paying board/rent to them then, you'll have much more awesome power and can tell them to go Fvk themselves if they want to throw crap at you.

Also it's time to throw it back at the old man, what's his vices? Like to smoke and drink? Tell him he's a pathetic drunk who's literally pissing his money away. And remember, those that hang shit on you usually don't have any hobby themselves and are just pathetic consumer whores following the latest souless trends.

[Bartrim]

Hang in there TB. A man of your skills will get a job sooner or later.

I was in a similar situation to yours many a moon ago. I lived at home and my old man was and still is a hard case. To make matters worse I worked for him too. He was constantly on my case, nothing I could do would please him. It came to a head one afternoon and the end result was me getting kicked out of home. Thankfully I had my grandmother to fall back on. But ultimately that eventful day lead me to finally forging my own identity. I'm now a business owner, I'm married and a father. I'm friends with my dad again but there are times when my family and I are having dinner over there and dad will start to hang some serious crap on me. I just pack up my wife and kid and leave and dad gets the idea.

Like I said mate hang in there. I know times are tough but things will get better. IF you do need someone to talk too, feel free to PM me for personal details and I'll be more then happy to help you through these tough times:)

[Sam]

If you have been looking for work and not finding it, then it's not really your fault, and he shouldn't call you "pathetic".

Back when I was out of work (some years ago), there was a couple of months when I couldn't be bothered to look for work, and even then my dad didn't call me pathetic.

I think parents are supposed to give their kids support - calling them "pathetic" doesn't quite fit the bill. Has your dad given you any ideas about how to look for work or where to look? That would seem more constructive to me.

Regarding your collection, I think that's a separate issue. If in his eyes "not having a job or working" is the problem, why is he lumping that issue with your collection? To me, these two matters are distinct.

I would suggest holding onto your collection, because even if you sell it off and contribute the money to the home, what's to say that you won't still be criticised for not having a job?

If you haven't started looking for work, just do it, even if it feels boring (I know I felt that way about looking for work during the dot com bust back in 2002 - especially when you keep looking and no one wants you, it can make a person feel hopeless). At least this way you will remove justification from his criticisms.

[shokwave2]

Only sell your collection if it comes between you and your girlfriend. It's not worth breaking up over. They are only toys after all.

If you're planning on moving out of home soon, i'd pack up the collection and move it somewhere safe until you get your own place. I'd put the collecting on hold for a while and as willowcrew said, keep the essentials and sell the leftovers. You can always pick up the more recent TF's in the near future.

If you really love your collection, keep it. Just put it aside for now and get a job to get you out of home and get you some future collecting money.

[kup]

Only sell your collection if it comes between you and your girlfriend. It's not worth breaking up over. They are only toys after all.


From my viewpoint, if a girl forces you to sell your collection, she is not worth it. She is supposed to like you for who you are not what she wants you to be.

[Fungal Infection]

From my viewpoint, if a girl forces you to sell your collection, she is not worth it. She is supposed to like you for who you are not what she wants you to be.

I don't see it as such a black and white answer. If she is forcing you to sell because you are being irresponsible with your money and neglecting your duties such as rent, mortgage, rego or any other number of issues then she has every right to tell you to sell your collection. Its only when she asks you to sell when no other factors are in play such as "you are too old for this", then it becomes an issue. Girlfriends and spouses sometimes are more helpful than you think when it comes to priorities, you cant assume everytime they ask you to sell your stuff, means they are bad for you. It just comes down to how clear they make their intentions to you and how you see them.

[Vector Sigma 13]

Only sell your collection if it comes between you and your girlfriend. It's not worth breaking up over. They are only toys after all.

If you're planning on moving out of home soon, i'd pack up the collection and move it somewhere safe until you get your own place. I'd put the collecting on hold for a while and as willowcrew said, keep the essentials and sell the leftovers. You can always pick up the more recent TF's in the near future.

If you really love your collection, keep it. Just put it aside for now and get a job to get you out of home and get you some future collecting money.


This is pretty much what im thinking.

Im not sure taking an aggressive stance will help. Try and keep cool and dont listen to his crap. Decisions will be made easier with a clear head. Besides that it will probably drive your old man nuts if you keep calm and just say im leaving, had enough- see ya later. Set your self a "battle" strategy. As long as you have a place to sleep and can afford food your going to live. It might be tough for awhile but it can only get better.

As far as work is concerned- there are some crap jobs out there but maybe you might have to take one if it means moving on. Im from a rural area and general farm jobs have been pretty easy to get over the years (although it is a bit tougher at the moment), they dont give money away but its kept me alive so far.

I dont know what you credentials are so im just making a suggestion. Centrelink help people out too with getting work- especially if you tell them your situation.

Anyway good luck TB!

[shokwave2]

From my viewpoint, if a girl forces you to sell your collection, she is not worth it. She is supposed to like you for who you are not what she wants you to be.

Sorry should have further explained my comment. As Fungal Infection said, depends on why your spouse wants you to sell your collection. If it conflicts with time together or money issues, then it should be an option to sell. But if it's because she thinks you're immature or she wants more money spent on her, i'd put her as a "Buy It Now" option on eBay and live happily with your toys:D

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

From my viewpoint, if a girl forces you to sell your collection, she is not worth it. She is supposed to like you for who you are not what she wants you to be.
No no no, that's not how it goes at all. She's supposed to like you for what she can 'change' you into...:rolleyes: :p

[roller]

No no no, that's not how it goes at all. She's supposed to like you for what she can 'change' you into...:rolleyes: :p

"The challenge is in the change" various TF packaging :)

[GoktimusPrime]

I thought that was only on Sixshot's box. Did any other Transformers have that printed on it?

[roller]

yeah, a few beast warsez have it on there and a few RIDs or some 21st century toys

[turtle boy]

No no no, that's not how it goes at all. She's supposed to like you for what she can 'change' you into...:rolleyes: :p

She's not the problem, its my dad. I'll get round to answering you all when I'm able. I've been at her house calming down. We sat and watched movies all night and drove around today.

[bruticus]

WTF?, you want to sell ur transformers just to get ur dad off ur back?
He also had a go with you about your girlfriend, does this mean you will dump her just to get him off ur back too?

I'm guessing no.

Buying TFs is not the problem. Selling TFs is not the solution.
Obvious problem is you need money mate to move out...

It is hard to find a job, especially in today's economic environment. But they are still out there. It may not be what you like, but it will pay the bills/rent/board etc for now which will pave the way for you to move out and be independant....

Sorry to say this mate, but if you truly want to move out then you gotta suck it up and take a hit with finding any work that pays steady income.

For example, a guy i know is currently studying engineering but he picks up work cleaning toilets to make ends meet and pay for uni fees. Its not pretty but its also not long term either.
Another mate of mine was a top earning engineer but lost his job when his whole team was made redundant during the recent downturn but now he works part time in the casino as a valet driver and he also does night-fill at the supermarket just to pay the bills and mortgage. Hes still looking for another engineering job, but he is doing whats necessary NOW to find steady cash flow and survive.
Its not what he studied for or worked his whole life for nor is it the kind of work his skills are suited to, but he just knows what needs to be done.

If on the other hand, you cant bring yourself to do the above and you feel its quite financially comfortable (i dare say 'easier') to just stay at home, then you gotta put up with the crap. But it wont be psychologically healthy for you in the long run....

[twincobra]

What Bruticus said.

[SilverDragon]

Despite a little voice inside me saying "SELL THEM TO MEEEEEEE", I don't think you should sell your collection. Aside from the fact that toys aren't going to net all that much (unless it's, like, Guard City or something), it'll just prove to your dad that you lack a spine, which will probably make him more of a dick than he seems to be.

I think you should point out to your dad that we're in the middle of an economic crisis-jobs are NOT going to be easy to find at ALL (I know, I tried a lot over the Christmas holidays), and so he should stop giving you shit about it. Of course, he could probably be all WELL THEN YOU SHOULDN'T SPEND YOUR MONEY ON TOYS. It is not, however, like there's much anything vital to your continued existence that you should be buying (unless it's Mafia protection contracts).

[STL]

take some responsibiity and grow some balls

What Paul said, Bread. Be supportive mate.

Turtle, I think you're going through a tough patch, especially given you've mentioned you were just recently laid off. And living where you do, it's definitely harder to get any sort of work out there as opposed to in the city which is rife with all types of jobs as Bruticus alluded to.

I think as a toy collector we will always attract a deal of ridicule. My parents did originally, my relatives when they found out frowned on it. But bottom line is you define yourself by your actions. In other important facets of my life I've been successful and that's what they can't deny and why they can't put me down.

I think in your shoes, you need to ignore your dad and focus on your strengths. Sometimes you can't please everybody and maybe because he's your dad you don't want to disappoint him, but there's only so much you can do.

I don't think you need to sell your TFs. It'll net you about $10K at most. The real issues are perhaps moving out of home, it'll be tough but it'll get you away from him. And I also think a hobby is important. It helps allow you to suspend your mind from everything else that is going on around you.

So yeah, take it easy. Don't let what he says dictate your actions, let your actions speak for yourself.

[LordCyrusOmega]

i had this problem myself. selling the toys won't help (except in the case of financially) My dad use to give me grief about them but what he meant was get a job and move out. in the end he moved me out.

It's not easy but you need to put the hobby on the back burner for a while. box them and look for work. you'll only regret selling.

[kup]

And I also think a hobby is important. It helps allow you to suspend your mind from everything else that is going on around you

Quoted for being a Very Important Factor.

[autobreadticon]

Sorry Turtle , i was in a bad state of mind when i wrote the comment and didnt realise i wrote it, i hope the situation turns well

[JuzMel]

I think parents are supposed to give their kids support - calling them "pathetic" doesn't quite fit the bill. Has your dad given you any ideas about how to look for work or where to look? That would seem more constructive to me.


+1. If your dad hasn't done any of that, then he has on right to call you names. How about helping around the house, doing the housework, washing the dishes and doing the laundry etc to help out your parents while they are at work? Making them dinner occasionally would do some good. As long as you show them you are trying to find a job and in the mean time, do stuff to "please" them so they not only see you doing stuff which has no significance to them. ;)

Don't sell your collection as everyone said, you will regret it in the future. Have you ever bought some of the figures just for the hell of it and you didn't really like it? Maybe sift through those that fit the bill and sell those to help support yourself a bit while you're job hunting.

[Robzy]

Sorry to hear it Turtle boy :(

I think everyone here has already said what I wanted to...

I remember living in Melbourne for a couple of years... I was working in the Entertainment Industry, which is bloody hard! I was so tempted on many occasions to sell my musical equipment (guitars, amps, etc...) because I would've got 2-3 grand for it all. At the time I really needed the cash, but thankfully people close to me talked me out of it! All I could see was the quick fix $$$, but I would have regretted it later! BIG TIME!! In the end I've managed to carve out a successful career in this industry AND keep all my gear. You're just going through a rough patch, but you WILL get out of it eventually. Don't do anything you'd regret later!

Funnily enough, even though I needed cash at that time, collecting TFs was one of the small highlights I had in my life. It kept me happy while I was struggling!

All the best!

[turtle boy]

Sorry to hear it Turtle boy :(

I think everyone here has already said what I wanted to...

I remember living in Melbourne for a couple of years... I was working in the Entertainment Industry, which is bloody hard! I was so tempted on many occasions to sell my musical equipment (guitars, amps, etc...) because I would've got 2-3 grand for it all. At the time I really needed the cash, but thankfully people close to me talked me out of it! All I could see was the quick fix $$$, but I would have regretted it later! BIG TIME!! In the end I've managed to carve out a successful career in this industry AND keep all my gear. You're just going through a rough patch, but you WILL get out of it eventually. Don't do anything you'd regret later!

Funnily enough, even though I needed cash at that time, collecting TFs was one of the small highlights I had in my life. It kept me happy while I was struggling!

All the best!

Wow thanks alot guys. I'll go back and answer all questions. Well I've been at Ruby's place for the past 4 days, due to that i've been absent from msn and all forums. I'm back home and I've just had 3 interviews in wang and one here in wodonga, I have to go look around the work shop here at the wodonga place, and as much a I'd like to live closer to Ruby, i think having 75 kms between us is good. Stops all the fighting. So I'm not sure, if I'd take a job in wang for that reason.

I have ways around it that I would use, But still not sure.
Thanks for all the support guys. I've packed my collection up for tjhe time being. See how that goes.:)