I tried writing a fanfic

So the other day I was bored out of my mind and for whatever reason I wound up coming up with an idea for a sequel to DOTM, and I decided to try writing some of it
This isn’t the whole thing just a prologue, I'm just wondering if it seems interesting and well written

(if you havnt seen DOTM yet then there will be some spoilers here)

It’s kinda embarrassing posting this, but oh well

So without further ado here goes
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(Unnamed Dark of the Moon Sequel)

The sun is just rising over the plains of Namibia, location of the former hiding place of the late Megatron, there his loyal minion Igor has been working endlessly on using the few parts he could salvage from the battle zone in Chicago to reconstruct his former master.
Mostly made from twisted pieces of scrap metal and some rocks and sticks, the only part of Igor’s little art project that is genuinely Megatron in origin is what remains of the Deceased warlord’s head. Igor is spit-polishing a piece of a car that now fills the role of Megatron’s foot when he hears a sound coming from nearby, a grinding metal on metal sound that even a transformer as mis-wired as little Igor could instantly recognize. Someone was transforming.

Igor, scared of an Autobot attack quickly hides behind his master and tries to remain as quiet as possible, he watches as a group of large shadows obscured from view by the light of the rising sun approach, as they get closer Igor is relieved to see that they are not Autobots, and begins to run over to greet his allies.

“So, this is where the old rust bucket was cowering after the death of the fallen” said a voice in a sarcastic and cocky tone, “who’d want to hide in a sweltering dust ball of a place like this?” a more feminine voice exclaimed “That’s the point you idiot, you hide in a place where no one would want to go” a third voice retorted “Why even bother hiding! If I was Megs I’d go and take on every last stinkin’ Autobot myself!” yelled another voice “and then you’d just get yourself slagged” the first voice mocked. “Shut up all of you!” a powerful new voice bellowed “I’d like a moment to ‘speak’ with my former teacher”

There were 6 of them there in total, a very large one covered from head to toe in as many razor sharp blades as possible, an only slightly less large one with fists the size of small cars and a pair of massive wheels resting on his back, one that appeared to have both propellers and tires incorporated into his body, the next one looked like he had parts from a jet of some kind in him but there was something off about it, a much skinnier robot was standing very closely to the centre of the group this one was defiantly a female, and in the centre of the group was a dark and sleek figure, smaller than some of the other members of his group but there was an aura to him, he was defiantly the leader.

The leader stepped forward from the other 5 and approached the remains of Megatron “Well, look at you now ‘master’ Megatron, all that power, all those soldiers, and now all you are is a pile of junk. I idolized you and devoted myself to becoming the best Decepticon I could be so that I could one day fight by your side and defeat the Autobots. However during my travels and training I came to realize that your method of warfare was wrong, there was one glaring flaw, you, you were too unfocussed and vicious in your plans, you never took the time to think out decent strategies, all you ever did was gather your troops and run into battle like a berserker. The Decepticons would never succeed with a leader such as yourself. Times have changed, this is my era, as the new leader of the Decepticons!” the sleek black Decepticon drew his cannon and aimed it at the Megatron statue’s chest “Goodbye Megatron!” he said slyly as he fired.

The flaming debris flew into the air showering the Namibian plains in a downpour of destruction. The head of Megatron landed in front of the other Decepticons as their leader returned to them, CRUNCH! He crushes the last remaining piece of Megatron under his foot as he walks “Now, let’s return to the ship” he says as he begins laughing, his minions join in with their leader's laughter as they leave. Igor is momentarily fazed by the destruction of his former master before he quickly runs after the other Decepticons

It is an interesting start and not a lot of fan fic gets posted here.

There's some typos, some punctuation errors and a bit of an issue with tense, but nothing you can't work on. I'm happy to help you out if you like.

Thanks Paulbot, may I ask, where were the typos/ issues?

Good start to a fanfic overall, I enjoyed how brutal these mysterious Decepticons appeared to be to a leader once so glorious in the old days. The only thing that I found unbelievable though (but mainly because this fanfic itself is a sequel to the Bay-movies) is the long dialogue that one sleek black Decepticon goes onto say towards the end. In the Bay-movies the Decepticons don't really talk that much. But was this your intention overall? To introduce a new breed of talking decepticons?

Yeah, my intention was to show that these new decepticons were differant to the old ones. Their leader in particular is meant to have a personality like a mix between BW Megatron and TFP Starscream (so sly, charismatic and a bit of a ham)

Can I make a recommendation? The book that has helped my writing more than any other is On Writing, by Stephen King, published in 2000. The second half of the book is a really clear and concise primer for fiction writing. I go back to that book a great deal, even though I mainly write non-fiction.

Other than that, I would encourage you to keep writing! You've made a great start, although I would suggest re-reading and re-writing several times to make sure what you're describing is very clear to the reader - my editor continually repeats the mantra "Always keep your audience in mind!". And remember, the more you write, the better you'll get. And keep us posted here!:D

Thanks M-bot, I've already re-written it about 3 times, but I intend to keep "polishing it'
once I've got the next chunk of story at a suitable level of readability I'll post it