Hop in my time machine and let's travel back to 1998.

VRRRR-VRRRR-VRRRR *poof*

*cough cough cough* Okay, I gotta do something about smoke. Okay, now go hang out with 1998 me...

Hey, I got some new toys that I bet nobody else in the country currently has. They're called Machine Wars! You wanna see? Yeah, Optimus Prime is like a stunted form of Thunder Clash, but he does have nicer colours. Anyway, let's go toy hunting. Jump in my 1981 Holden Gemini while we wind down the windows manually because... that's "air conditioning" in my car.

vvvrrrrmmmmm

Hey, are you pumped for that new Star Wars movie coming out next year? That teaser looks sick, especially that dude with the double-light sabre. Phwoar! I tell ya, The Phantom Menace is gonna be the best Star Wars film EVAH! Here, you can play with my Transmetal Optimus Primal. Yeah, ours all have that little purple tinge in the blue chrome that apparently the Yanks didn't get. Funny that.

<we arrive at Toys R Us>


OOOOOOHH, HEY! It's the new Transmetal Optimal Optimus! $80??! Aw, bugger it. I'll buy it. You gonna buy one too? Cool. Let's go pay for ours.

What's that? Transmetal 2? What the hell is a Transmetal 2?!? Season 3?!? Mate, they haven't even made Season 3 yet! But boy was that ending of Season 2 a massive cliffhanger! No man, Beast Wars is only up to Season 2. I'm telling you Season 3 hasn't come out yet. We can go back to my place and re-watch Season 2 if you want to. I'd lend the tapes to you, but mine are all NTSC. Does your VCR play both PAL and NTSC? I got American ads on mine. Lots of ads for The Nanny. Fran Drescher's kinda hot, but that voice... no, I keep telling you, there's no such thing as Transmetal 2s. Nope. Never heard of them. Well, we can go back inside Westfields and you can show me any store that stocks these so-called "Transmetal 2s" that you're talking about, cos I have no idea.

And whaddaya mean The Phantom Menace is going to suck? Who the hell is Jar Jar Binks?!? Whoa, is that a DeLorean waiting at that corner for you?

Quick, DELTAprime... get over here and don't let 1998 me see me. The paradox could rip my pants apart! Okay, okay, show me that toy you just bought. Yep. See? It says "TRANSMETAL," not "Transmetal 2." Transmetal 2s won't exist for another year, and Season 3 won't come out until a year from now either. None of these things you're talking about even exists right now. Optimal Optimus (or Optimus Primal if you want to call him that) is strictly a Transmetal, not a Transmetal 2. Also, it's not just a name thing. There are clear differences between Transmetals and Transmetal 2s, such as the lack of a tertiary vehic--, oh crap, 1998 me is coming towards us. Jump in!

*cue Back to the Future theme*

What do you mean you told 1998 me about Jar Jar Binks? You can't do that! When The Phantom Menace debuts, 1999 me will be attending the midnight premiere in fully cosplay with a carefully choreographed and rehearsed lightsabre fight sequence! That's the last time I take you time travelling!