PITCH MEETING FOR THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE
The year is 1985...

EXEC: "Do you have a movie for me?"

WRITER: "Sure do. You know how all the kids are into The Transformers now? I've written a script for The Transformers: The Movie."

EXEC: "Can't wait to hear what the actual name of the film is going to be."

WRITER: "No, that's it. It's going to be called The Transformers: The Movie."

EXEC: "Why not Transformers The Movie?"

WRITER: "Because Hasbro said so."

EXEC: "Fair enough. So you're going to need a big effects budget for this. Maybe we should contact Industrial Light and Magic."

WRITER: "It's a cartoon movie."

EXEC: "Oh right, because we're appealing to children."

WRITER: "Exactly. So the movie starts off with genocide."

EXEC: "What?"

WRITER: "There are these robots living on a machine planet."

EXEC: "Cybertron!"

WRITER: "No."

EXEC: "Gobotron?"

WRITER: "Not that either."

EXEC: "Mondas?"

WRITER: "What's that? Anyway, it's a different machine world populated by robots called Lithone and it's about to be eaten by a bigger planet called Unicorn."

EXEC: "Did you say Unicorn?"

WRITER: "No I did not. So two ships manage to escape."

EXEC: "It must be hard for them to escape the world-sucking pull of Unicron."

WRITER: "For one of them, yes. That ship gets destroyed, but for the other one it manages to pull away super easily. Barely an inconvenience."

EXEC: "Huh."

WRITER: "Then we cut away to a rock and roll version of the Transformers opening theme song."

EXEC: "Rock and roll cartoon themes are tight."

WRITER: "Then we see a machine world."

EXEC: "I thought it was destroyed."

WRITER: "No, this is Cybertron now."

EXEC: "Oh right, because before you already told the audience that the other planet was not Cybertron."

WRITER: "No, we just assume that the child audience knows."

EXEC: "Sounds great."

WRITER: "The opening narration tells us that it's in year two thousand and five."

EXEC: "Wow, that's 20 years in the future!"

WRITER: "I know!"

EXEC: "Shouldn't it be pronounced as Twenty Oh Five? Like how 1905 is Nineteen Oh Five?"

WRITER: "You're right. Nobody in the future will ever mispronunce 2005 as Two Thousand and Five, but we'll do it anyway to establish an alternate reality."

EXEC: "Sounds tight."

WRITER: "The Decepticons have conquered the Autobots' home planet of Cybertron."

EXEC: "How did that happen?"

WRITER: "Reasons."

EXEC: "Isn't Cybertron also the Decepticons' homeworld?"

WRITER: "I don't know. Who cares? Anyway, the Autobots have been forced to live on Cybertron's moons."

EXEC: "I don't remember seeing Cybertron with moons before, but I guess being so far into the future there'd be plenty of time for Cybertron to ensare a pair of satellites into its orbits. So the Decepticons don't know that the Autobots are there, right?"

WRITER: "They do. They even send Laserbeak to casually fly there and spy on the Autobots."

EXEC: "The moons are that close? Wouldn't their gravitational fields mess up with Cybertron?"

WRITER: "Not at all. Anyway, these moon-based Autobots don't even have enough fuel to keep on fighting."

EXEC: "So Megatron plans an attack on the moons?"

WRITER: "Not at all. He plans to go to Earth and take out the Autobots there before so that they can't resupply the Autobots on the Cybertronian moons."

EXEC: "Sounds way harder than just assaulting the weakened Autobots on the moon."

WRITER: "Yeah, but I need to showcase more toys and have the story move on."

EXEC: "Okay then."

WRITER: "On the way to Earth a bunch of Autobots are killed."

EXEC: "Some second tier characters like Topspin and Twin Twist?"

WRITER: "Brawn, Ratchet, Prowl and Ironhide."

EXEC: "Oh, snap. That might upset some kids."

WRITER: "Have you read the Transformers comic books?"

EXEC: "I don't read."

WRITER: "That explains why I'm talking to you about my script instead of just letting you read it. Anyway, there's a massive battle on Earth, we see guys like Wheeljack and Windcharger being dead."

EXEC: "Did they die honourably?"

WRITER: "We don't see them die. They're already dead. But we do see at least one character die on-screen in this battle."

EXEC: "Hubcap?"

WRITER: "Optimus Prime!"

EXEC: "Are kids going to be cool with that?"

WRITER: "Totally. His death saved all the other Autobots so he becomes a martyr. Ultra Magnus becomes the new leader."

EXEC: "Logical choice. He's like an upgraded Optimus Prime anyway. Better than giving the mantle of leadership to the kid appeal character."

WRITER: "At the end of the film leadership is given to the movie's kid appeal character."

EXEC: "Oh."

WRITER: "Optimus Prime gives Ultra Magnus this MacGuffin called the Matrix of Leadership."

EXEC: "Where did that come from?"

WRITER: "The inside of Optimus Prime's chest."

EXEC: "Where we previously saw his Cosmistron in episode 6 of Season 1?"

WRITER: "Correct. The Cosmitron that Optimus Prime needed to survive is nowhere to be seen, but instead there's a special chamber that holds the Matrix. And Ultra Magnus has a chamber in his chest too."

EXEC: "What incredible luck."

WRITER: "Out in space, Astrotrain says that he's carrying too much weight."

EXEC: "He's carrying too much weight in a weightless environment?"

WRITER: "That's right. So the Decepticons throw out all of their wounded and fight inside Astrotrain for leadership. The Constructicons even form Devastator."

EXEC: "That must be really hard to do inside a space shuttle."

WRITER: "Not at all. It's super easy, not even an inconvenience. Then Megatron and the wounded Decepticons happen to float by Unicron."

EXEC: "That's an astronomical coincidence!"

WRITER: "It sure is. Unicron wants the Decepticons to destroy the Autobot Matrix because it's the only thing that can stop him."

EXEC: "Why? How?"

WRITER: "He doesn't say."

EXEC: "Why doesn't he just do it himself instead of asking a bunch of random dying strangers?"

WRITER: "He doesn't say, but he expects them to comply without even fixing them."

EXEC: "What a jerk."

WRITER: "But then he decides to fix them as new Decepticons. Galvatron, Scourge and his Sweeps, Cyclonus and his armada."

EXEC: "Awesome! A whole new army of Decepticons!"

WRITER: "We never see the armada again."

EXEC: "Seems like a waste."

WRITER: "They do get a neat new space ship though."

EXEC: "From where?"

WRITER: "From inside Unicron. He just happened to have one stored inside him and it's the same shade of Decepticon purple as everything else the Decepticons have."

EXEC: "Another amazing coincidence."

WRITER: "On Cybertron Starscream is crowned as the Decepticons new leader."

EXEC: "Awesome. I bet fans have been waiting to see Starscream take lead for a long time."

WRITER: "They sure have. So then Galvatron kills him by turning him into ash and we see Starscream's remains crumble."

EXEC: "Seems appropriate."

WRITER: "Then Unicron comes and gobbles up Cybertron's moons."

EXEC: "Seems like a great way to demotivate his newly acquired subordinates. Why doesn't Galvatron fight back?"

WRITER: "He can't because Unicron can remotely torture him at any time."

EXEC: "Sounds kinky. Does he crush his laser core?"

WRITER: "Nah. He just puts on this red light show and Galvatron screams in pain for no other apparent reason."

EXEC: "Red light shows are tight."

WRITER: "So then the Decepticons go back to Earth to destroy the Matrix, but the Autobots manage to get away aboard two shuttles."

EXEC: "Why didn't they use these ships during the earlier battle?"

WRITER: "Because they forgot that they had them until now."

EXEC: "I see. So then Galvatron deploys all of his troops to destroy the ships, right?"

WRITER: "No, he just sends Cyclonus."

EXEC: "And his armada?"

WRITER: "Just Cyclonus. But the Autobots survive by detaching the saucer component."

EXEC: "Won't this upset Paramount?"

WRITER: "As if Paramount would ever make a Transformers film."

EXEC: "Fair point. Tell me more."

WRITER: "Hot Rod, Kup and the Dinobots end up on a machine world."

EXEC: "Not... Cybertron?"

WRITER: "Quintessa. The Dinobots are separated from the other Autobots. Hot Rod and Kup are attacked by a giant mechanical squid and then later captured by transforming robot alligators."

EXEC: "I never knew that there could be so many robotic planets in the universe."

WRITER: "Turns out there are. The Dinobots meet Wheelie, a lone survivalist."

EXEC: "I don't see how this character could possibly go wrong. Tell me more."

WRITER: "He has this really high pitched squeaky voice and talks in rhymes. He becomes friends with the Dinobots after shooting Grimlock in the nose."

EXEC: "I already hate him."

WRITER: "Kup and Hot Rod meet the Quintessons who execute aliens for fun."

EXEC: "Does Quintessa have a planetary self isolation policy to defend its sovereign integrity?"

WRITER: "Who knows. They just laugh a lot when they do it. They feed their prisoners to the Sharkticons."

EXEC: "Aren't they Decepticons? I saw one at the shops and it was a Decepticon."

WRITER: "We might explain that later, who cares? Anyway, the Dinobots bust in to save the Autobots."

EXEC: "All right! Go Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl and Swoop!"

WRITER: "Actually Snarl's not there."

EXEC: "Where did he go?"

WRITER: "We see him on Earth for a bit, but not on Quintessa."

EXEC: "I guess he didn't board the shuttle."

WRITER: "Guess so. But then they need to find a ship to get off world after having overthrown the Quintessons."

EXEC: "That'd be hard."

WRITER: "Super simple. Barely an inconvenience. They just look behind them and there's a ship."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow wow wow!"

WRITER: "Ultra Magnus lands on another metal world."

EXEC: "Populated by robots?"

WRITER: "Populated by robots made from rubbish!"

EXEC: "What?"

WRITER: "They're called Junkions, and this is the planet of Junk."

EXEC: "A whole globe made from rubbish?"

WRITER: "This world is flat."

EXEC: "That's okay. It's 1985 and nobody today believes in a flat world, so I'm sure nobody in the future would either."

WRITER: "What an odd thing for you to say. They start repairing the ship until they're attacked by the Junkions."

EXEC: "Do the Junkions perceive them as a threat?"

WRITER: "Not really. They've been watching them attempting to fix their ship for a while. They also saw the Decepticons attack them and kill Ultra Magnus, so while they're down on their luck they decide to launch a full scale assault."

EXEC: "Wow, they must be bad guys. They have red eyes, right?"

WRITER: "They sure do. But the Kup and the Dinobots arrive, and Snarl is in the ship too."

EXEC: "How?"

WRITER: "He just is. And Hot Rod makes friends with the Junkions."

EXEC: "An incredibly hostile and warlike race. It must've taken some careful tactical diplomacy to win them over."

WRITER: "Not at all. It turns out to be super easy, barely an inconvenience. Hot Rod just gives the leader, Wreck-Gar, an Energon lolly and greets him."

EXEC: "Wow."

WRITER: "Then they rebuild Ultra Magnus."

EXEC: "Let me guess, it's really easy and barely an inconvenience?"

WRITER: "That's right. They just put him back together. It's even easier than building a Lego set. So then they're all friends and decide to fly off to destroy Unicron."

EXEC: "Hot Rod is a diplomatic master! I bet when he becomes leader that there would be no more conflict."

WRITER: "Not at all. We're contracted to write another season of episodes so we're going to need more fights."

EXEC: "Fights are tight."

WRITER: "Galvatron tries to use the Matrix to kill Unicron, but it doesn't work so Unicron transforms into a giant robot."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow wow wow! Kids are going to love this toy!"

WRITER: "I've seen Hasbro's prototype. That thing's gonna sell like hotcakes next year! So then Unicron swallows Galvatron and begins attacking Cybertron and all the Decepticons start fighting back."

EXEC: "That must be one epic battle."

WRITER: "We see Decepticons flying around and shooting stuff, and we even see Starscream in the fight."

EXEC: "Didn't he die?"

WRITER: "I forgot about it so I wrote him into this scene so now he's there."

EXEC: "Fair enough."

WRITER: "Then the Autobots arrive by Unicron destroys the Junkions' ship."

EXEC: "All the Junkions are killed?"

WRITER: "They somehow survive. The Dinobots also attack Unicron's butt."

EXEC: "Butts are ti---."

WRITER: "Don't finish that sentence. Grimlock stomps, Sludge thrashes his tail, Swoop drops bombs and Slag burns a hole with his intense heat."

EXEC: "Does Snarl unleash some kind of solar storm attack?"

WRITER: "Snarl's not there."

EXEC: "He sucks at boarding shuttles on time."

WRITER: "He sure does. Then Hot Rod crashes the Quintesson ship through one of Unicron's eyes and they end up inside Unicron."

EXEC: "Are they immediately digested?"

WRITER: "No. It turns out that Unicron is surprisingly hollow inside, and he has a downward gravitational pull towards the floor. His defence system does eventually kick in, oh, and Hot Rod got separated from the group."

EXEC: "I see."

WRITER: "Hot Rod fights Galvatron while the others free Spike and the Autobots who were stationed on Cybertron's moons."

EXEC: "Convenient that they've been kept alive this whole time."

WRITER: "It sure is. Hot Rod manages to take the Matrix from Galvatron and then uses it to become Rodimus Prime and destroy Unicron."

EXEC: "Does he offer an Energon sweet to become friends with Galvatron?"

WRITER: "Nah, he just throws him out into space."

EXEC: "I don't see how that could possibly go wrong."

WRITER: "The good guys all manage to escape from Unicron before he explodes."

EXEC: "Wouldn't the falling debris from Unicron's exploded body devastate Cybertron below?"

WRITER: "Not at all. It all disintegrates except for his head who becomes a new moon."

EXEC: "Creepy."

WRITER: "Super creepy! Then Rodimus Prime declares the end of the Cybertronian wars and the movie ends."

EXEC: "Aren't you contracted to write another season?"

WRITER: "Yes, so shortly after this the war will continue."

EXEC: "Everyone makes mistake. I'm sure this Rodimus Prime will become an excellent leader and kids will quickly prefer him over Optimus Prime."