The Parenting Thread

[GoktimusPrime]

For anyone who cares, 2013's Top Baby Names.

[GoktimusPrime]

Had dinner last night with the family of one of Yuki's classmates... they have 3 kids. As a parent of an only child, I feel that I have a better appreciation for parents of multiple children, especially when said multiple children are very active. XO I have another friend who has 2 kids, but they're relatively placid and they also live with the grandparents which makes it a lot easier. But in a family where there aren't additional caregivers aside from the parents around to help out, it's certainly more challenging. The husband in this family works 6 days a week, so it's up to his wife to look after the 3 kids most of the time and it's understandably incredibly exhausting (they have 1 child in kindy, 1 in preschool, and another who's still a toddler). To their credit, they don't take any nonsense from their kids and seem pretty good at consistently enforcing consequences for all three children. One of the kids was misbehaving and ignoring verbal prompts and warnings, and was consequently sent to her room for time out. She was kicking and screaming in there, but her attention-seeking behaviour was duly ignored. Afterwards they allowed her back to the table, but she continued insisting on wanting to misbehave, so the parents gave her two choices - behave or go back to her room. She continued on insisting on doing what she wanted, and as a result was sent back to her room, and again her bad attention-seeking behaviour was promptly ignored. After a few minutes she was brought back to the table, where she sat down and was well behaved for the rest of the evening.

My wife and I have also gone through this stage with Yuki when she was around that age (aah, the Terrible Twos), and in ensuring that we enforced consistent consequences for her actions, Yuki's now pretty well behaved (most of the time ). But one challenge that I can see for parents of multiple children is having to switch between dealing with those different stages of child development! As parents of an only child, once Yuki has been through a stage, we move on from it and breathe a sigh of relief. But parents of multiple children can't do that, because they have to "revisit" those previous stages with the younger child(ren)!

I know that all the parents of multiple children here are reading this going, "Well, duh!", but I personally now have a greater appreciation for people who are raising more than one child and having to juggle between going back and forth between different developmental stages with their kids! I salute you.

And I think all parents of babies and infants who maintain consistent consequences and discipline with their children deserve a pat on the back too. It's not easy because they're so darn cuuuuute, and hearing them crying and screaming when we discipline them is emotionally very difficult... but we have to remember that sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Spare the rod and spoil the child. I can personally attest that all the emotional pain and trials are worth it in the end, because after we got through Yuki's "Terrible Twos" period, she's become a much easier child to deal with. e.g. last night she wanted to go straight to bed without brushing her teeth. I called out her name once, and after that she went straight into the bathroom and started brushing her teeth! There was no need for me to raise my voice, no need to verbally reprimand her or discipline her etc. She knows what my expectations are, and she knows that there's a 110% chance that she will be met with consequences for failing to meet those consequences. She also knows that she will have positive consequences for being compliant too, so last night after brushing her teeth I read one of her favourite books as a bed time story as a reward before showering her with lots of kisses and cuddles before lights out. Knock on wood.

[GoktimusPrime]

Tonight Yuki was delightfully surprised to discover that there can be words in different languages that sound the same (or similar)!

I held up three fingers and asked her...
Me>「これは日本語で何と言う？」("What's this in Japanese?")
Yuki> 「さん！」("San!")
Me>「中国語ではなんと言うの？」("What's it called in Chinese?")
Yuki> 「知らない。」("I dunno.")
Me>「えぇ～？数えてみて・・・」("Huh? Count and see...")
Yuki>「イー、アー」("Ii, aa...")
<pauses as it slowly dawns on her>
Yuki>「サン！」("San!")
<laughs so hard she could hardly breath>

Earlier today she was also talking about how the word for 'bread' is the same in both Spanish and Japanese (Pan; from the Latin word "pānis"; the English word "pantry" is related to this) -- and that wasn't the first time she's spoken about that, but for some reason, until tonight, she hadn't quite made that "zOMG! They're different languages with the same sounding word for the same thing!" connection until tonight! lol

[Trent]

So, as you are aware I recently became a dad. One of the benefits of this is that I that now officially a member of this thread

So what advice for dealing with newborns? He's pretty good so far, sleeps between 3 and 6 hours at night between feeds and is generally happy.

So what can you people that have been there already offer in wisdom?

[Trent]

It would appear that I, no doubt along with many before me, have underestimated just how muc work a newborn is. And I've got a good one! Your life is lived in 3.5 hour time slots (inbetween feeds) with the occasional extra suprise thrown in for good measure. Wanna have a hot meal? They can sense it and will ensure they awake screaming as you sit down. Expect a simple midnight feed and put back to bed? They will make sure they get wind pains which mean its a solid hour to get a burp out of them.

Apart from all that though he is the cutest and funniest little thing ever

We are off for our first family outing today to the doctor. Little fella got an infection in the navel from the leftover bit of cord taking so long to fall off. He hasn't been happy the last 36 hours

[BigTransformerTrev]

So, as you are aware I recently became a dad. One of the benefits of this is that I that now officially a member of this thread

So what advice for dealing with newborns? He's pretty good so far, sleeps between 3 and 6 hours at night between feeds and is generally happy.

So what can you people that have been there already offer in wisdom?

It gets better, then worse, then better, then worse, then a lot better, then worse, then awesome, then.... etc

*Best piece of advice? Like the Hitchhikers Guide, babies should come with big reassuring letters on the front saying DONT PANIC

*Be prepared for lack of sleep for the first few years and especially in these first few months, you are gonna live by their timetable for a good long while. I found (and still find) sleep dep to be one of the worst things you go through when having a new kid

*Put food in one end, clean up what come out the other and you and the missus really try your best to be supportive of each other because there will be some tough times ahead.

*Second best piece of advice? When your kid gets old enough to interact and react to you, you are going to fall that stupidly in love that everything else in your life will take a back seat FOREVER. It's a love unlike any other. Orion is a bit over 20 months old now and I live for that kid, when I come home and he does his happy dance and breaks into a huge giggling smile because he sees his Dad, it's like being filled with the purest energon straight from the cup of Primus served by a scantily armored Arcee - it's just pure happiness x10 and makes every sleepless night, trip to the doctors and lack of time and money just totally worth it

[Bartrim]

*Second best piece of advice? When your kid gets old enough to interact and react to you, you are going to fall that stupidly in love that everything else in your life will take a back seat FOREVER. It's a love unlike any other. Orion is a bit over 20 months old now and I live for that kid, when I come home and he does his happy dance and breaks into a huge giggling smile because he sees his Dad, it's like being filled with the purest energon straight from the cup of Primus served by a scantily armored Arcee - it's just pure happiness x10 and makes every sleepless night, trip to the doctors and lack of time and money just totally worth it

Totally agree with this. I wasn't too thrilled at the sacrifices I had to make when I first became a parent but now I would walk over hot coals for my kids.

Another tip is listen to other parents, especially when it comes to illness. My oldest son went 3 months with "silent reflux" it was completely misdiagnosed as us being young parents and my wife not being able to breast feed properly. That 3 months was torture. We went on about 2 hours sleep a night (on a good night) and he screamed constantly because he was in constant pain. When it finally got diagnosed correctly we couldn't believe how "easy" it was being a parent. Although we suffered for 3 months I was able to use this experience to help a friend who went through the exact same thing. Thankfully because of what we had been through I suggested go to the doctor and ask them to see if it's silent reflux and it was. They were able to treat their child a lot quicker then what we did. Not discrediting doctors because it is hard to diagnose baby illness (since they can't explain what is wrong) but talking to other parents is always a great help.

[Raider]

*Second best piece of advice? When your kid gets old enough to interact and react to you, you are going to fall that stupidly in love that everything else in your life will take a back seat FOREVER. It's a love unlike any other. Orion is a bit over 20 months old now and I live for that kid, when I come home and he does his happy dance and breaks into a huge giggling smile because he sees his Dad, it's like being filled with the purest energon straight from the cup of Primus served by a scantily armored Arcee - it's just pure happiness x10 and makes every sleepless night, trip to the doctors and lack of time and money just totally worth it

+1

Don't be alarmed if you don't feel this way instantly. A lot of people talk about how they fall in love with their child the moment they are born, and movies and TV portray it that way, but love generally grows. The older they get and the more they begin to interact with you is when these feelings, in my experience, really begin to flourish.

[Gofigure]

Those first 6 months are very intense. And almost break you and your partner at times

But now I have a 6 year old boy whom I adore and he thinks that I am some kind of Master of the Universe The 3 am drives around the block with him in the back seat when he was a non sleeping baby just to have him stop crying for half an hour are a distant distant memory.....

[GoktimusPrime]

So what can you people that have been there already offer in wisdom?

First up, a big congrats on joining the parents club. When my daughter was born, I would show her with endless cuddles and kisses and lose count of how many times in a day that I tell her that I love her. I thought that there would come a time when I would stop going all goo-goo-gah-gah over her, but 5 years later it hasn't abated.

My advice can be summed up in one word: consistency. Whatever way you and your wife choose to raise your son, I would highly recommend that you do it consistently. It sounds simple and... well... actually it is simple, really (it ain't rocket science!) -- but for some reason I find a lot of people just find it hard to stick to their guns and be consistent with their kids! The highly predictable end result is that the child simply fails to live up to the parents' expectations. And the consistency can apply to virtually everything when it comes to child rearing. If you haven't done so already, I would advise sitting down with your wife and just having a conversation about what expectations the two of you have for your son. Imparting these expectations become a lot easier when the two of you are on the same page. It also ensures that one of you is not undermining the authority of the other.

Here's an interesting article: When Does Discipline Begin? An age-by-age guide to setting limits. You don't need to worry about behaviour management for newborns, but it's something to think about when they're about 6 months old (give or take a few months ).
"In general, you can't spoil a child in the early months..... Infants need to feel safe and secure, and meeting their every need actually helps them become independent later on. When they develop a sense of security in their own little world, they're able to venture outside of it, knowing they won't get hurt. Dr. Karp puts it in perspective: "Holding him for 18 hours a day may seem like a lot from your perspective, but to a baby who was being held 24/7 in the womb, it's still a 25 percent rip-off.""


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P.S.: Perhaps consider taking a photo of your newborn next to your biggest Transformer! I find it's a neat memento to look back at later to remind you of just how small they were as newborns... because they don't stay that small for nearly long enough!


^Newborn vs preschooler