The Parenting Thread

[GoktimusPrime]

I dare anyone to watch this video without shedding a tear of joy on the inside. I seem to have something in my eye...
http://surprise.littlethings.com/sai...rises-daughter

[jazzcomp]

Try this one - teary

Smack - ???

[drifand]

Try this one - teary

This happens in real life overseas.

Smack - ???

This I think police may be overreacting. In some ways I think is wrong > not the parents. Sure, it makes me think twice about lecturing my child in public.
But the whole thing feels wrong.

[GoktimusPrime]

It's hard to judge because we weren't there and we didn't see what the slap was like. Corporal punishment between parents and children is still legal in Australia provided that it is "reasonable." If the slap was perceived as "unreasonable," then police have grounds to arrest the woman and press charges. At any rate, it's now up to the courts to decide if the force used was reasonable or unreasonable. Unreasonable force isn't legally permissible in self defence against an adult attacker, so understandably it wouldn't be permissible in executing corporal punishment against one's child.

[drifand]

I do agree but seeing there were no injury to the children, and she had no convictions, she should be warned.

I don't think it will be justified if she gets charged.

[GoktimusPrime]

Again, it's hard to judge when we have so little evidence before us. Just because a strike doesn't leave a mark doesn't mean that unreasonably excessive force wasn't used. 99% of strikes that I've sustained in my training did not injure me, but they definitely hurt! Slaps can hurt -- a lot. In fact, many martial arts do employ the use of open handed strikes, including slapping. Some practitioners slap objects as part of their conditioning training (e.g. water, sandbags etc.) in order to harden their hands for slapping. And keep in mind that a slap which may not hurt an adult as much, would be far more painful to a small child.

But unless you witnessed this incident, then neither you nor I know what the nature of the slap was; whether it was a hard spank across the face, or a lighter smack... I don't know. The only people who would know would be the mother, the child and any witnesses. I'm not saying that the charges against the mother are justified or not, I'm just saying that I don't know! Having said that, I do believe that she does deserve the presumption of innocence until proven guilty (as does any accused).

[drifand]

I am glad I saw this though, I came from parents who do smack and slap our faces. Heck we even had public cane session in school assembly in Singapore.
All these have went out of the window, but I do realise some kids are more bolder to challenge parents now.

[BigTransformerTrev]

Try this one - teary

Smack - ???

Wow - that video gave me a little lump in the throat

I do agree but seeing there were no injury to the children, and she had no convictions, she should be warned.

I don't think it will be justified if she gets charged.

The debate about giving a smack is just now raising itself in our household. Our son is two and has just started to sometimes do things he knows he shouldn't. We try and tell him no and if that doesnt work growl at him(not yell and scream though). Sometimes though he is occasionally violent by giving my wife hard slaps on the arm if he is upset about something or pulling the cats tail and in cases like that if he doesn't stop I have a couple of times given him a smack on the bum. He's only noticed once or twice as I do it where his padded nappy is and dont have the heart to do it hard. My wife argues we should not use physical discipline at all whereas I think sometimes if it is the only thing that will get through to them it is justified. My mother smacked me and I can only think of two times where she went overboard. I would never slap my child in the face the way the woman in the news story did but I think a firm but restrained whack on the bum is not really child abuse, especially if used only if all other avenues have failed.

Our daughter is two weeks old today. Means we are back to getting no sleep, no free time yadda yadda yadda but she is a little angel and we are a lot calmer this time round than with our first. Our son is so freakin cute with her! He gives her little kisses and hugs and wants to nurse her - it is just so beautiful to see

[GoktimusPrime]

I'm a time-outerer. Up to Age 2, my daughter was more frequently misbehaving - and parents need to understand that this is natural. Age 2 (the "Terrible Twos") is when a child is trying to establish what his/her parents' boundaries are. The only way they know is by testing his/her parents' limits. And IMHO this is the most critical time to be really firm but fair when it comes to discipline -- because if you can get your child to be self-disciplined before age 3, then things get so much easier! We were constantly verbally reprimanding and time-outing Yuki from age 1-2. And yes, I would time her out in public. I once established a Naughty Corner at Kansai International Airport in Osaka Japan while lining up to have our passports inspected; I made her stand in that corner for about 3 minutes until she settled, then I squatted down to her eye level and verbally counselled here before moving on.

But when it comes to discipline, I believe in 3 core principles:
1. Be firm.
2. Be fair. Don't be too lenient nor excessively punitive. Also, try to be emotionally detached; always criticise the behaviour and never the child's personality (e.g. don't say, "You're being an idiot!" but rather "That was unacceptable!"). Also don't forget to reward good behaviour; the other side of the discipline coin is positive reinforcement when they do things right. Just simple things like verbal praise, hugs, kisses etc. (e.g. "You've packed away all your books, aren't you a good boy/girl!" <hugs><kisses>)
3. Be consistent. Any time the child steps out of line, issue a consequence (punishment). Any time the child does something good, issue a consquence (reward).

By about age 2.5, my daughter had quickly learnt that there is a 100% chance that there will be a consequence for any of her actions -- both positive and negative reinforcers. Since age 3 we rarely have behaviour issues with her. I've never had any of her teachers ever complain to me about her behaviour; they all say that she's excellently behaved. Her Chinese school teacher told me that although she is physically the youngest child in the class, she is the most emotionally mature - that was last year when she was still in Kindy, and all her other classmates were year 1-2 or older.