Funny Quotes Thread

[SkyWarp91]

LOL, great quotes folks!

Here's one I googled:

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”

This whole site has more!
http://thinkexist.com/quotations/funny/

[SharkyMcShark]

"The problem with this country is women having jobs, immigrants, and David Beckham" - The Football Ramble taking the mick out of England tabloids.

[Bartrim]

Phone rings.

"Moe's Tavern. Home of the worlds smallest large screen T.V"- The Simpsons I.T.A.S

[Lord_Zed]

I think the most memorable Simpsons quote ever for me will always be Homer at the post office:

Homer: Heloooo my name is Mr Burns, I believe you have a letter for me.

Clerk: Ok Mr Burns, err what's your fist name?

Homer: I don't knoooow.

Ofcourse it's all in the delivery.




Aside from that I never get tired of the whole Rapier Ape briefing sequence from Xtacles hence my Avatar and sig. It is rather long and very very wrong, but it still amuses me.

A.L.E.X: I keep telling you Jack the database has no record of a villain named Rape Ape.
Jack Taggart: Rape Ape, he's that guy who's going around raping all those statues, put that in the database and read it back to me
A.L.E.X: (sighs) Ok....
Jack Taggart: Well what does it say?
A.L.E.X: Rape ape, that guy who's going around raping these statues.
Jack Taggart: Case closed!
Random Xtacle: Boo yeah!
A.L.E.X: No Jack, case not closed. Even if there was a Rape Ape, which to reiterate there isn't. You'd still have to catch him.
Jack Taggart: Alright alright, well what about this guy (points to the name below Rape Ape in the database)
A.L.E.X: Rapier Ape?
Jack Taggart: Yeah look at his name, he's obviously taken raping to a whole new level.
Bigsby: Please tell me there isn't a Rapiest Ape.
A.L.E.X: (sighs with frustration) Rapier Ape is a retired villain and he's called that because he wields a rapier.
Bigsby: He wields another rapist?
A.L.E.X: No a rapier, a sword used in fencing.
Chase: He rapes people with a sword? That's sick!
Bigsby: I'd rather be raped by a penis.
Jack Taggart: And you may just get your wish
Bigsby: No, no it wasn't a wish.

And then there's this one from Metalocalypse

Nathan Explosion: So, where are we now?
Pickles the Drummer: This is the church of the atheists. They don't, uh, believe in God.
Nathan Explosion: Oh, like Toki and Skwisgaar?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: No, we are nihilists? We don't believe in anything.
Nathan Explosion: But can't nihilists also... not... believe in god... too?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Well, I, uh... I don't know.

[1AZRAEL1]

And then there's this one from Metalocalypse

Nathan Explosion: So, where are we now?
Pickles the Drummer: This is the church of the atheists. They don't, uh, believe in God.
Nathan Explosion: Oh, like Toki and Skwisgaar?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: No, we are nihilists? We don't believe in anything.
Nathan Explosion: But can't nihilists also... not... believe in god... too?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Well, I, uh... I don't know.

Yep, anything from there is awesome

[LordCyrusOmega]

From Big Bang Theory

Lenard: c'mon Penny, Sheldon's one labe accident away from being a super villian!

[GoktimusPrime]

"Excuse me." - Slag (Transformers The Movie) <---it's funny in the context of the situation

Arcee: "Did we have to let them detonate three quarters of the ship?"
Springer: "Seeing as how the Decepticons would've detonated four quarters, I think it was a pretty good choice!"
(Transformers The Movie)

Grimlock: "Me Grimlock not care, whole planet fall apart! Make no difference to me, Grimlock."
Wheeljack: "With you on it?"
Grimlock: "Hmm... hadn't thought of that."
(The Ultimate Doom, Part 2)

Megatron: "Either you're lying, or you're stupid!"
Starscream: "I'm stupid! I'm stupid!"
(Triple Takeover)

"I've never seen anything this beautiful in the whole galaxy. Okay, give me the bomb." - Ultra Magnus (Fight or Flee)