Funny Quotes Thread

[5FDP]

Glimmerman = awesome

"You know, when you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I think you're probably happy. Pleased at what you see. And that disturbs me. So I'm gonna take it on as my responsibility to make sure that you never get to look in the mirror again."

[Paul Agnew]

A running-gag from the RFC TFTM parody that always brings a smile to my face:

Brawn: Megatron! Decepticons!
Megatron: So, Brawn. Did you think I forgot the time that you shot me with my own fusion cannon, and I said I would get you back? Well now it's time!
Brawn: Oh yeah?
Megatron: Yeah.
Brawn: Oh yeah?
Megatron: Yeah.
Brawn: Oh yeah?
Megatron: Yeah!
(Megatron transforms to gun mode and promptly shoots him. He transforms to robot mode)
Megatron: That was too easy, Starscream.
Brawn: Oh Yeah?
Megatron: You're dead, Brawn!
Brawn: 'Tis but a scratch.
Megatron: A scratch? Your shoulder's gone!
Brawn: No it isn't.
Megatron: Look!
Brawn: I've had worse.
Megatron: You liar!
(Megatron transforms to gun mode and promptly shoots him again. He transforms to robot mode)
Megatron: Well, that's done. Now, onto--
Brawn: Oh Yeah?
Megatron: Don't give me this garbage.
(Megatron transforms to gun mode and promptly shoots him repetitively. He transforms to robot mode. Moments later he transforms to gun mode AGAIN and delivers another devastating round. He transforms to robot mode)
Megatron: *There*. Sheesh, he was a tough little guy, wasn't he? That was a lot harder than I thought it'd be.
Starscream: Much harder, almighty Megatron, than attacking the real threat: the Autobots' moonbase!
Megatron: You're an idiot, Starscream. When... hold on! The other Autobots! Where are they, anyway?
Starscream: It looks like they abandoned ship. They survived.
Megatron: It is no matter. When we slip by their early warning systems in their own shuttle and destroy Autobot City, the Autobots will be vanquished forever!
Brawn: Oh Yeah?
Megatron: NOOOOOOO!

[Bartrim]

From one of my new favourite movies "The Losers"

Jensen: Legless Pooch and I are on it!
Pooch: Call me 'Legless Pooch' again, and you're gonna be 'Headless Jensen'

and when Jensen is unarmed and cornered by security guards
(Holding fingers in gun position)
I'm warning you, I am a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me. Spooky stuff... Anal stuff. It turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. In the words of Ancient Taoist masters, Don't start none... Won't be none.

and after he "shoots" 2 of the 3 guards. He stares down the 3rd guard and says
"Get down on your belly, or I'll stop your heart with my mind bullets"

[liegeprime]

A running-gag from the RFC TFTM parody that always brings a smile to my face:

Brawn: Megatron! Decepticons!
Megatron: So, Brawn. Did you think I forgot the time that you shot me with my own fusion cannon, and I said I would get you back? Well now it's time!
Brawn: Oh yeah?
Megatron: Yeah.
Brawn: Oh yeah?
Megatron: Yeah.
Brawn: Oh yeah?
Megatron: Yeah!
(Megatron transforms to gun mode and promptly shoots him. He transforms to robot mode)
Megatron: That was too easy, Starscream.
Brawn: Oh Yeah?
Megatron: You're dead, Brawn!
Brawn: 'Tis but a scratch.
Megatron: A scratch? Your shoulder's gone!
Brawn: No it isn't.
Megatron: Look!
Brawn: I've had worse.
Megatron: You liar!
(Megatron transforms to gun mode and promptly shoots him again. He transforms to robot mode)
Megatron: Well, that's done. Now, onto--
Brawn: Oh Yeah?
Megatron: Don't give me this garbage.
(Megatron transforms to gun mode and promptly shoots him repetitively. He transforms to robot mode. Moments later he transforms to gun mode AGAIN and delivers another devastating round. He transforms to robot mode)
Megatron: *There*. Sheesh, he was a tough little guy, wasn't he? That was a lot harder than I thought it'd be.
Starscream: Much harder, almighty Megatron, than attacking the real threat: the Autobots' moonbase!
Megatron: You're an idiot, Starscream. When... hold on! The other Autobots! Where are they, anyway?
Starscream: It looks like they abandoned ship. They survived.
Megatron: It is no matter. When we slip by their early warning systems in their own shuttle and destroy Autobot City, the Autobots will be vanquished forever!
Brawn: Oh Yeah?
Megatron: NOOOOOOO!

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL!!!!

[LordCyrusOmega]

From True Blood season 2

Lafayette: Jesus and i decided to see other people.

Have to use that one on the folks next time