Repost: Spam Wars
Dug this up from my archives from back in 2006 (wow) when the OTCA forum of the day was getting a fair bit of spam.
Many of the members mentioned in this story have moved on or use new aliases, but you'll get the idea.
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It is the year 2006.
In a remote part of Australia, a messageboard poster known by the username iRonHide checks out his local K-Mart store.
"Everytime I see a first-wave Cybetron toy, my emoticons sizzle. When are I am going to start finding Giant Planet toys?" he wonders.
Then at the end of the aisle, aside from the boxes of Crumplezone and Hot Shot, he finds Metroplex and Menasor newly put out on display.
"I don't have enough money to buy these, but I can make a post on the Ozformers Board at let everyone know they are out."
Soon, at an Internet Cafe, he loads up the site. I can't remember my password, he thinks, I have it saved at home so I don't have to think about.
But excitement gets the best of him. "I don't have enough time to recover my password. Ready the text for posting."
Unseen by him, small spyware records his typing and IP address and relays it to the Spamcon headquarters.
iRonHide's post is soaring across the TCP/IP protocol when it's intercepted. Without security, the Spamcons invade quickly and ruthlessly, deleting the original message and commandeering it for themselves.
"This was almost too easy," comments Megaspam.
"Much easier all mighty Megaspam than getting the real threat, the transfan's firewalls!"
"You're an idiot Spamscream. When we slip by their early warning systems in this post, the Ozformers will be spammed forever!"
"No!" screams iRonHide as he realises what has happened and he quickly moves his mouse trying to stop the post.
"Such heroic nonsense" says Megaspam letting loose a flood of spam and popup windows that leaves iRonHide with no choice but to turn the computer off.
* * *
Meanwhile, unaware of the deadly message approaching them, the Ozformers go about their daily posting.
Paulbot reviews the new posts and types up a response of "Wow, look at the size of it!" to NEMESIS PRIME's posts of an impressive July sale haul on the Acquisitions thread.
Elsewhere excelonzero is drawn to the sightings thread and the topic of Giant Planet TFs found. He clicks on the thread and notices that the new post is actually from a guest, and it's not on topic! He clicks on send a personal message and tells Paulbot, "Look there's spam on the board!".
Paulbot responds to the message, "What? Spamcons!" He attacks the Trojan thread but it's not quick enough. The Spamcons attack!
One goes right after Paulbot attempting to infect his computer with spyware, but the timely appearance of Dirge, a moderator (nearby fixing a link in another post) saves him and the Spamcon accidentally deletes another piece of spam instead.
Before the rest of the board even knows what is happening, Spamcons start appearing everywhere, posting new threads throughout the board.
Ultra Magnus takes charge: "springah, don't let any guests post new threads! MV75, email Griffin for reinforcements, Jimreborn you can help me instant message the others."
Blocks appear, the Spamcons can't post new threads but it only encourages them to try new tactics. "Breech their defences!"
Two Spamcons get to work chewing through the code looking for loopholes, but are deleted away by Paulbot and Dirge and the code holds for now.
The battle continues into the night. Even the fastest poster has trouble keeping up. Soundwarp posts: "We've got Spamcons on the threads, Spamcons in the posts, Spamcons at the member database. Spamcons, Spamcons, Spamcons! If we get them off the threads they're still in the posts; if we shoot them out of the posts they're still at the member database; and where does that leave us? Nowhere, that's where!"
shinyjess pauses and looks over the damaged accounts of WheeljackfanX and Wind_Charger, devastated by spam. "C'mon on, shinyjess" calls springah. "Help me get this filter into place. Megaspam is making its big push and we gotta push back."
The Ozformers work together uploading the filter into place and it's not a moment too soon! Outside six spambots have combined into one mighty large piece of Devaspam that starts ripping into the board.
"I've got better things to read tonight than spam" comments springah, activating the filter. Several smaller bits of spam are knocked aside but the Devaspammor is not fazed and destroys the filter.
The Spamcons continue their assault through the night. By morning the message board is a shambles. Posts and threads are in disarray. Posters are quiet or in hiding. Smoke billows into the air. The Devaspammor tears through another firewall.
"Their defences are broken let the spamming begin" yells Megaspam.
But hope is not lost, the reinforcements arrive attacking the Devaspammor, but the Devaspammor is only shaken not defeated. It's onslaught is stopped but victory is not yet at hand.
Griffin looks over the remains of the once proud messageboard, sees the spammers running amok and prepares to make a final stand. "The spammers must be stopped. No matter the cost."
With speed and skill, spamcons are deleted left and right until none but Megaspam remain.
"Why throw away your account so recklessly?" taunts Megaspam leaping into battle on multiple fronts: new posts, new member sign ups, new threads!
The battle is tough; both adversaries take damage but it is Griffin who is the first to fall.
"I would have waited an eternity for this. It's over Griffin" gloats Megaspam.
"Never!" shouts Griffin in defiance and with one last mouse click at just the right spot the evil Spamcon is finally destroyed.
Griffin is disillusioned but not defeated: "Freedom to post is the right of all sentient beings."
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Inspired by the classic "Alt.Toys.Transformers #75". All names used for fun and hope no-one takes offense.
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Originally Posted by Sinnertwin
