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Thread: Movie Critics Thread

  1. #71
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    Here's my review of the week and it's not Story of Ricki / Riki-O yet, as I'm waiting to see it with my best friend who is a big fan of the TV show OZ and Dragonball Z and that movie has the best of both worlds!

    COBRA (1986)




    Starring: The Obvious and Brigette Nielsen aka Red Sonja aka the 'actress' that perhaps nailed the coffin to the revelations of Arnold Schwarzenegger's unfaithful relationship to Maria Shriver, aka She-Skeletor.
    IMDB Synopsis: A tough-on-crime street cop must protect the only surviving witness to a strange murderous cult with far reaching plans.

    Review: I understand now why this is one of the Stallone movies that isn't talked about so much compared to Rocky and Rambo. It's pure 80's predictable action flick that doesn't even deserve the R18+ rating it has now. The action is very tame just like Mad Max but it lacks the hard-hitting storyline or characters that would make it a memorable action movie.

    Stallone stars as Marion Cobretti, aka 'Cobra', a badass cop that drives a 1950's black Mercury and never misses a shot at a bad guy with his seemingly unlimited round pistol and laser-sighted scoped sub-machine gun. He's so badass that he has perhaps the most badass line any cop could say, as quoted here:

    Night Slasher: The court is civilized, isn't it pig?
    Cobretti: But I'm not. This is where the law stops and I start - sucker!

    So things get a little tough on Marion when he has to protect Brigette Nielsen, a model who witnesses a crazed cult with the most basic beliefs in Social Darwinism murder an innocent woman. This cult, known as the New World Order is led by the Night Slasher (Brian Thompson, aka Shao Kahn from Mortal Kombat Annihilation aka the guy that T100 steals clothes from at the beginning of The Terminator but I'll refer to him as Shao Kahn from now on), who whenever he's not slashing innocents with gang of slashers is having his cult ceremony in some abandoned warehouse where all members proceed to bang some axes together for dramatic effect but in the end comes across as goofy. Shao Kahn spends the majority of the movie trying to kill Nielsen but keeps on failing due to the interventions of Cobra and his partner Gonzales (our comedic relief in the form of a sugar addict that's much more laid back and doesn't eat all the right foods like Marion does, or isn't so dramatic with his line deliveries).

    And that's all the movie is really, not much really happens at all which is why I was majorly disappointed with it and more so with myself for buying it on BluRay for a killer price of $12. It's basically Shao Kahn chasing Red Sonja who is being protected by Suburban Rambo and sugar-fiend Gonazles again and again and always failing. And they don't even get that far geographically in the movie. (SPOILERS AHEAD) She has her first encounter with Shao Kahn at the start of the movie, then she escapes him when he tries to kill her outside of her work. After being admitted to hospital, she then escapes from Shao Kahn again and is taken into a witness protection program that intends to take her out of the city with our 2 hero cops and a corrupt cop that's actually working for Shao Kahn . They make it to a small motel in the country-side and that's it, that's where the last act of the movie takes place. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GET THAT FAR AWAY FROM THE CITY IN THE END. Now usually I'm not fussed when a movie does not go out to many locations but for a movie like this that has so much potential by injecting so much badassery into your main character and a storyline that can offer so much more kickass action scenes it doesn't live up to it in the end which is why maybe the ratings by users on IMDB is a mere 5.5. This movie doesn't feel like a big action flick and feels somewhat cheap compared to your classics like Die Hard. The action scenes weren't even that good in the movie (except in the end). I have a good feeling that the majority of the film's budget went to Stallone's pocket and the unnecessary scene of Red Sonja posing for photo shoots in 80's super-bizarre fashion clothing.

    ANd the movie poster is real misleading, sorry to be nit-picking but there is NEVER a scene in the movie where Cobra is using that awesome sub-machine gun and is wearing the sunglasses at the same time. NEVER. We only see him assemble the sub-machine gun in the last 3rd of the movie but by then he's gone all serious meaning he's stopped wearing his glasses.

    Now, the ending. If you've seen any 80's typical action movie then you can pretty much predict what happens at the end of this movie so don't get angry at me for talking about this part. The ending showdown between Shao Kahn and Rocky is a combination of funny, predictable and yet badass.

    Before the two get into their final fist-fight in the showdown Shao Kahn starts mocking Cobra about the fact that he has to take him in as he himself has rights. Cobra though says that he ain't bound to the law and he literally uppercuts Shao Kahn in a Rocky-fashion onto a hook that's on a moving conveyour belt that takes him into a door-frame that literally has flames shooting inwards at every single angle possible. Talk about a fatality!

    All in all , this movie gets a mere 5 from me. Average. Not bad. Nor is it good. Only watch if you got NOTHING else to do.

  2. #72
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    80's action films FTW
    New Acquisitions:
    TR Astrotrain, Skullsmasher, & Hardhead
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    G1 Boxes & Cardbacks
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  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by SkyWarp91 View Post
    Here's my review of the week and it's not Story of Ricki / Riki-O yet, as I'm waiting to see it with my best friend who is a big fan of the TV show OZ and Dragonball Z and that movie has the best of both worlds!

    COBRA (1986)




    Starring: The Obvious and Brigette Nielsen aka Red Sonja aka the 'actress' that perhaps nailed the coffin to the revelations of Arnold Schwarzenegger's unfaithful relationship to Maria Shriver, aka She-Skeletor.
    IMDB Synopsis: A tough-on-crime street cop must protect the only surviving witness to a strange murderous cult with far reaching plans.

    Review: I understand now why this is one of the Stallone movies that isn't talked about so much compared to Rocky and Rambo. It's pure 80's predictable action flick that doesn't even deserve the R18+ rating it has now. The action is very tame just like Mad Max but it lacks the hard-hitting storyline or characters that would make it a memorable action movie.

    Stallone stars as Marion Cobretti, aka 'Cobra', a badass cop that drives a 1950's black Mercury and never misses a shot at a bad guy with his seemingly unlimited round pistol and laser-sighted scoped sub-machine gun. He's so badass that he has perhaps the most badass line any cop could say, as quoted here:

    Night Slasher: The court is civilized, isn't it pig?
    Cobretti: But I'm not. This is where the law stops and I start - sucker!

    So things get a little tough on Marion when he has to protect Brigette Nielsen, a model who witnesses a crazed cult with the most basic beliefs in Social Darwinism murder an innocent woman. This cult, known as the New World Order is led by the Night Slasher (Brian Thompson, aka Shao Kahn from Mortal Kombat Annihilation aka the guy that T100 steals clothes from at the beginning of The Terminator but I'll refer to him as Shao Kahn from now on), who whenever he's not slashing innocents with gang of slashers is having his cult ceremony in some abandoned warehouse where all members proceed to bang some axes together for dramatic effect but in the end comes across as goofy. Shao Kahn spends the majority of the movie trying to kill Nielsen but keeps on failing due to the interventions of Cobra and his partner Gonzales (our comedic relief in the form of a sugar addict that's much more laid back and doesn't eat all the right foods like Marion does, or isn't so dramatic with his line deliveries).

    And that's all the movie is really, not much really happens at all which is why I was majorly disappointed with it and more so with myself for buying it on BluRay for a killer price of $12. It's basically Shao Kahn chasing Red Sonja who is being protected by Suburban Rambo and sugar-fiend Gonazles again and again and always failing. And they don't even get that far geographically in the movie. (SPOILERS AHEAD) She has her first encounter with Shao Kahn at the start of the movie, then she escapes him when he tries to kill her outside of her work. After being admitted to hospital, she then escapes from Shao Kahn again and is taken into a witness protection program that intends to take her out of the city with our 2 hero cops and a corrupt cop that's actually working for Shao Kahn . They make it to a small motel in the country-side and that's it, that's where the last act of the movie takes place. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GET THAT FAR AWAY FROM THE CITY IN THE END. Now usually I'm not fussed when a movie does not go out to many locations but for a movie like this that has so much potential by injecting so much badassery into your main character and a storyline that can offer so much more kickass action scenes it doesn't live up to it in the end which is why maybe the ratings by users on IMDB is a mere 5.5. This movie doesn't feel like a big action flick and feels somewhat cheap compared to your classics like Die Hard. The action scenes weren't even that good in the movie (except in the end). I have a good feeling that the majority of the film's budget went to Stallone's pocket and the unnecessary scene of Red Sonja posing for photo shoots in 80's super-bizarre fashion clothing.

    ANd the movie poster is real misleading, sorry to be nit-picking but there is NEVER a scene in the movie where Cobra is using that awesome sub-machine gun and is wearing the sunglasses at the same time. NEVER. We only see him assemble the sub-machine gun in the last 3rd of the movie but by then he's gone all serious meaning he's stopped wearing his glasses.

    Now, the ending. If you've seen any 80's typical action movie then you can pretty much predict what happens at the end of this movie so don't get angry at me for talking about this part. The ending showdown between Shao Kahn and Rocky is a combination of funny, predictable and yet badass.

    Before the two get into their final fist-fight in the showdown Shao Kahn starts mocking Cobra about the fact that he has to take him in as he himself has rights. Cobra though says that he ain't bound to the law and he literally uppercuts Shao Kahn in a Rocky-fashion onto a hook that's on a moving conveyour belt that takes him into a door-frame that literally has flames shooting inwards at every single angle possible. Talk about a fatality!

    All in all , this movie gets a mere 5 from me. Average. Not bad. Nor is it good. Only watch if you got NOTHING else to do.
    Haha, sounds like you were as disappointed with Cobra as I was with the two 'Escape from' Kurt Russel flicks. So much potential yet so terribly bad (and not in a good way). Is Cobra as bad as those films?

    Stallone is pretty great though, I love him in Tango 'n' Cash (the ultimate buddy cop movie imo), seem to remember enjoying Cliffhanger (I nearly wrote Cliffjumper then...) and for some reason Stop or My Mum Will Shoot sticks in my mind. Can't remember if that was a case of so bad it's good or just plain terrible. I'm guessing the latter? Wasn't he in Judge Dredd too?

    You're right though 5FDP, 80's FTW! Have you guys seen Predator on BD? I can't believe how good it looks in 1080P, makes a brilliant movie even better. Amazing, just amazing!

    Quote Originally Posted by SkyWarp91 View Post
    Have you seen Anti-Christ with Willam Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourgh? Now that's when sh!t really hits the fan.

    I'm a huge Joss Whedon fan and though I've only seen a handful of horror movies in my lifetime, but do want to see The Cabin in the Woods as it was co-written and produced by him.
    Mate Antichrist was my introduction to the genius that is Lars von Trier and I haven't been able to get enough of this directors stuff since! You might have noticed in the "tv shows what you into" thread that I'm watching The Kingdom at the moment. But yes, Antichrist....What a masterpiece! In terms of how EXTREME a film it is, yes it's got some pretty fluffed up stuff but I think of Lars movies more as art cinema whereas I'd say the French stuff is sheer white knuckle fear territory, exploring the darkest recesses of the human mind without being exploitative like a lot of the rubbish the US parade as horror. having said that, another high profile French movie "Frontier(s)" does seem a bit like violence for the sake of it, and I'm holding off seeing that one for that reason.

    For me, the absolute pinnacle of modern horror is Martyrs. It's probably the most powerful movie I've ever seen, regardless of genre. Yes, like von Triers Dancer in the Dark it takes the arguably easier approach of [minor spoiler]taking something beautiful and destroying it[/spoiler] to get an emotional response out of the audience, but even still, the story is so original, it's so well acted, you feel like you know the main character, the feeling that this could happen to anyone, the realism...All of that, it just makes it such a powerhouse.

    And then there's Inside. If Martyrs is Silent Hill 2 (here he goes again...) then Inside is Silent Hill 3. What I mean by that is Inside brings home the GORE and the fear. It's been so long since I've been genuinely scared by a horror film, well maybe not that long (the last scene of Home Movie scared the crap out of me). It's just awesome.

    Honestly, if you're a horror fan you simply cannot miss Martyrs and Inside. They are insanely brilliant!

    EDIT: And yes, I'm looking forward to Cabin in the Woods!! I love the poster for it. Not a fan of Joss Whedon at ALL but hey, this looks like something a bit different.

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doubledealer View Post
    Haha, sounds like you were as disappointed with Cobra as I was with the two 'Escape from' Kurt Russel flicks. So much potential yet so terribly bad (and not in a good way). Is Cobra as bad as those films?

    EDIT: And yes, I'm looking forward to Cabin in the Woods!! I love the poster for it. Not a fan of Joss Whedon at ALL but hey, this looks like something a bit different.
    Yes, that's my exact feelings for Cobra. It doesn't live up to the badassness that it offers unlike in great action flicks like Predator, Commado and First Blood, etc. I do love Stallone though, and Tango 'n' Cash is perhaps my favorite movie with him. I do have faint memories of Judge Dredd and though the plot is somewhat bland for that movie I did enjoy the visual settings and special effects and props used. How cool was that Robot villain (I think he's called the ABC WArrior in the comics)?

    REgarding Cabin in the Woods I heard that the movie pays several homages to classic action flicks in terms of horror movie ideas.

    I will be seeing THe Avengers tonight directly after work so I will post up my review around 4AM Wednesday.

  5. #75
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  6. #76
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    So I experienced Gold Class for the first time yesterday and well, I'm personally not a fan of it. Good thing I used a gift card to redeem a GC ticket as it would have been $42 for just 1 ticket but then if you want the other exclusive foods on the menu you have to fork out even more money. I didn't buy anything as I was already full and had a huge coke from the kiosk. Like Paulbot said, the staff wondering in and out frequently does get annoying, especially when they walk past intense parts of the movie.

    I still have 1 more GC ticket to redeem and will probably use it for Dark knight Rises and will order a crapload of food then

  7. #77
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    What up movie buffs! Thanks to Amazon UK today I have the BD of Switchblade Romance (also known as High Tension) and regular DVD of Severance which I shall be watching and commenting upon in due course...Has anyone seen these already? Also received the BD of Martyrs and regular DVD (no BD ) of Inside...Some of my most cherished movies next to the legendary The Thing (the Martyrs special FX artist - who is now no longer with us even goes on to say in the making of that The Thing is still the benchmark for special FX, **** yeah!!). God bless the French

  8. #78
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    Mini reviews

    The King of Fighters (2010)

    Had no idea this movie was even made until recently. Now I know why. Probably the worst offense is that Mai is flat chested. Mai is flat chested people!

    If you enjoyed: - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
    - DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)
    - Dragonball Evolution
    - Tekken (2010)

    Then you'll just loooove this movie




    Berserk Golden Age Arc I: Egg of the Supreme Ruler

    I think there are a few Berserk fans on here so I thought I'd share my short opinion.

    I was really excited when I heard about a potential new series. Berserk is one of the few anime series I truly love. I was huge fan of the 90's anime and the manga is awesome as well (I don't favor one over the other). Turns out they will be in movie format, starting with 3 releases for this year.

    Then I saw it. Heh.

    What the hell. What did they do to Berserk!? The CGI (I believe it uses the "cell shading" technique?) is awful. I hate to be sheep but I think of nothing but Ps2 graphics when I see this. The colors can be really bright at times and gives off a clean feel. A complete contrast to what I believe Berserk should look like.

    However, the backgrounds are nice and the animation (2d and 3d) can be really fluid. But, it can also be the opposite.

    The story skips The Black Swordsman arc and starts off with Bazzuso.
    Long story short, it finishes at the point where Guts assassinates two Royal family members and all under 2 hours. How is this possible? Like this!

    - Barely any character development
    - Missing characters and arcs
    - Rushed plot = awful pacing
    - Short fight scenes (More realism as a pro I guess)

    I think this was intended for Berserk fans only. Otherwise what would non-Berserk fans think when the Eclipse happens?

    Stick to the manga.
    Last edited by King Atlas; 31st May 2012 at 08:16 PM.

  9. #79
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    Damn, I had high hopes for the new berserk

  10. #80
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    After a little help.

    Batrim once watched a real cheap low quality movie with beyond cheap effects about Killer birds.

    Could help with the name of that movie?

    Thanks so much


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