G2 Prime: The Generation Wars

[Trent]

Give me a second I, I need to get my story straight, I wasn't in the stasis pod trying to get in on with Transmutate...

I lol'd at work and people were asking at what? I told them they wouldn't understand...

[Ravagecat]

Just wanted to say awesome work Lint Thanks for sharing, I always get a laugh out of every episode

[kup]

For those of you who missed out of Season 1 here's a link. This is probably not required viewing as character development is stunted, and backstories are wafer thin

You are Shane McCarthy aren't you?

[Lint]

At the Decepticon camp...


Caliburst: Battletrap should be back by now
G2 Megs: The fool has probably gotten himself slagged. If it weren't for this dastardly interference we would be able to get a fix on his corpse and destroy that bladed buffoon once and for all!
Caliburst: What if I told you I could find Battletrap using special minicon tracking techniques?
G2 Megs: I'd call you a Scourge!


Ice Pick: Lord Megatron! Let Undertow and I seek and destroy the sworded Prime. We have superior mobility and firepower. He will not be able to resist our assault.


Sledge: Nonsense, the sworded Prime is a close combat specialist. What you really need is Smolder and I, who are best equipped to overwhelm our enemy in close quarters.


G2 Megs: While I salute your eagerness, you are all fools. The sworded Prime has but only one weakness aside from his brash overconfidence, short stature, stupidity and lack of firepower: ME! So come my minions, we will march on their position and make them DIE SCREAMING

Meanwhile...


Ratchet: So Huffer my boy, how do you feel?
Huffer: Thanks for getting me out of stasis lock Ratchet, the worst part of getting your head blown off is the pain


Huffer: The second worst part is that your second head is ginormously misproportioned and quintessonially ugly. Ugh...


Prowl: Who did this to you? I'm hunting for a killer. Likes to put holes in bot's head with high powered weaponry.
Huffer: Thankfully, or should I say; horrifically, all sensory data is simulatneously recorded in both my brains. So I can recall every excruciating detail about my brutal execution. Such a gift I have been endowed with.
Ratchet: Amazing biology! Does this mean you are smarter too?
Huffer: The very fact that I am bothering to humour you with a response should answer that question Doc.
Ratchet: Incredible, the Huffer I knew would never exhibit such sharp wit, I must document this in my medical journal...
Prowl: Enough banter, you mentioned that you remember everything. Tell me, who did this to you?
Huffer: Megatron
Prowl: Megatron is on this world? We Autobots are at a serious strategic disadvantage.
Huffer: The green one.
Prowl: Wait, what green one?
Huffer: Oh right... you're from the... okay, picture this. The silver-grey one but instead of turning into a pissy little gun, he is like 1000 times the size, rolls around on treads and screams "MEGATRON ATTACK!" at you
Ratchet: This sounds like the work of daaarrk energon!
Prowl: Everything is dark energon to you.
Huffer: I'll tell you what. Basically we're slagged if I don't go get help. Thus I must take my leave so that I might summon my brethren to battle. Verily.
Prowl: Very well Huffer.
Huffer: One more thing, I set up a rendezvous with Prime. The minicon there knows all the details.


Prowl: Prime is here too? Perhaps he can use the power of the matrix to help track down Ironhide's killer.


Snarl: Diiiiiid someone say 'track down' and 'Ironhide's killer' in the same sentence?
Prowl: You can find Prime?
Snarl: Prime and I used to be tight, plus I am a tracker and a super-sleuth. I reckon I can point you in the right direction

Some time later...



Prowl: Two Primes? I've got to lay off the juice.
Snarl: Prowl, meet Optimus Prime from the past and Optimus Prime from the not-as-past
G2 Prime: Steeljaw! I knew you'd make it! See Kup? Told ya he'd be back!
G1 Prime: Good to see you Prowl.
Prowl: I am investigating the death of Ironhide. Do any of you have any useful information?
Kup: Ah slag...
G2 Prime: Yeah we saw the body, what sort of information are you after?
Prowl: Information that will point me towards the killer. Someone's been switching bots offline and I want to put a stop to him.
G2 Prime: Could it have been the Decepticons at the scene?
Prowl: Doubtful, only the wound to his head was fatal and there was no weapons match from the bodies there. The killer definitely got away.


Prowl: Ratchet, what in the world are you doing?
Ratchet: Divining
Prowl: What?
Ratchet: You know... dowsing, doodlebugging
Prowl: I meant for what?
Ratchet: I am detecting a powerful energy signal, I suspect it is Daarrk Energon!
Prowl: Oh Vector Sigma...


Ratche: *whistling*
Prowl: Anyway back to the investigation
G1 Prime: I was there when it happened Prowl
Prowl: What did you see Prime?
G1 Prime: Shot in the head, by the cons.
Prowl: Did you see who did it?
G1 Prime: N-No... there was so much turmoil. So much killing... I killed as well. A Duocon.
Prowl: Wait what? There was no Duocon at the scene.
G1 Prime: Oh this was after, like much after.
Prowl: Vector Sigma...


G1 Prime: Worst part, it felt good Prowl
Prowl: Look Prime, I'm sure when Ratchet's done sifting through the dirt he'd be happy to counsel you through this difficult time.

Kup: I see what you did there. I'm onto you cat.
Snarl: All the TF's starting with P love me.
Kup: I'd watch your hide if I were you


Prowl: Great so despite being an eyewitness you don't really have any useful information at all do you?
G1 Prime: I am sorry Prowl
Prowl: I guess I will have to move on. Thank you all for your time.
G2 Prime: Welp, crisis averted! I'm gonna go see what Ratchet's up to.


Snarl: *whisper whisper whisper*
Prowl: Oh?


Prowl: Hold it right there Kup!
Kup: I wasn't going anywhere
Prowl: Then might I inquire?
Kup: Bout?
Prowl: Your rifle. It is not a standard issue Autobot weapon is it? It is... quite unique.
Kup: Slag...

G2 Prime: So you want me to dig here?
Ratchet: Yees, yes!


Kup: Here yer go...
Prowl: You see Kup, although a pacifist at heart, I am admittedly a bit of a military enthusiast as well with a penchant for exotic weaponry... Scrap, the minicon was right, this matches the ballistics 100% But Kup wouldn't...

G2 Prime: This sword was meant to cut through metal not shovel dirt.
Ratchet: Keep going, I can feel it!

Kup: Is something the matter Prowl?


Prowl: Nothing's the matter. This is a fine piece Kup, here you go

G2 Prime: Hah! I found it. Go me!
Ratchet: Don't touch it, you could get contaminated! You must allow me to examine it first
G2 Prime: No way slack-hands, I did all the digging! This thing is mine!

Kup: Uhh do you hear something?


Prowl: Scrap they're coming right for us.
Kup: You're gonna be glad you handed me back this rifle kid.
Prowl: I checked your ammo Kup, you only have 2 shots left. It might be enough for us a break an escape, provided we all work together as a cohesive unit.

Ratchet: Hand it over Prime! For science!
G2 Prime: Screw your science! It's my precious!
Ratchet: No! You don't understand Prime we need it to rebuild the Omega Lock and restore Cybertron!!!

Prowl: ......
Kup: ......
Kup: Or we could just use those 2 shots to take ourselves offline.

[Lint]

G2 Megs: Decepticons! Attack!!!!
Sledge: Cmon Throttler, let's bury these bots
Ice Pick: Not before Chainclaw and I snow them under an avalanche of missiles
Undertow: You do realise you're a snow plow right Ice Pick? Anyway Waterlog and I are gonna make it RAIN on these mofos
Smolder: Oh please guys, these alt-mode related puns are just burning Chopster up here.


Prowl: We're under attack! Take cover and repel the assault!
Kup: What cover?!?
G1 Prime: I will provide covering fire, ready the shuttle for launch!
Kup: What shuttle?!? Am I the only damned bot with my transistors intact?
Ratchet: HAHAHAHA forget covering fire, let them come and taste some surgical steel!
Kup: Why did I have to ask...


ZAPP!!!
G2 Prime: Ratchet no!!!


POW! PPOW!
G2 Prime: No!!!!


Prowl: *croak*
G2 Prime: Oh Primus, it's like 1986 all over again!


G2 Prime: I'm a Prime, get me outta here!
Snarl: Wait for meeeeee
Kup: Where's that damn fool going?!


Snarl: So long, Sucktown!
Kup: Unbelieveable! You're just gonna leave Prowl and Ratchet here to die?
G1 Prime: Go Kup, I'll stay here and protect the bodies
Kup: I don't need two fool Primes, we've lost this battle. Transform and retreat.


Some time later....


Kup: What the hell was that Prime?
G2 Prime: I don't wanna talk about it
Snarl: Man Kup looks like a way sweeter ride.


Kup: I know you Prime, you're one ruthless mother trucker. It's not like you to just hightail it out of a fight. Especially one with Megatron on the other side. Tell us what the heck has got you spooked.
G2 Prime: I don't have to tell you anything! YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!!!
Snarl: Ha hahh, I made it!


SCREEECH!!!!
Kup: I've had enough of this stuff. Tell us whats going on before Prime and I blow your spark into the wind.
G1 Prime: I've always wanted to know what it feels like to kill myself
Kup: o_O

Back at the battleground....



G2 Megs: Muhahahaha, look at how the cowardly Autobots scatter
Sledge: You want Throttler here to punch a hole through this one o mighty Megatron?
G2 Megs: Not so fast, revive him, we could use a medic as our slave.


Smolder: What about this one boss? Chopster and I would love to cleave him into microwaveable pieces.
G2 Megs: By all means, go IDW Arcee on him

Back at the Prime camp...


G2 Prime: Look guys, I have something to confess... I'm not the brilliant leader and hero everyone thinks I am
Kup: Wow, no stuff


G2 Prime: Every time I go up against that Megatron, I lose one of my team.
Kup: I counted two today buster...
G2 Prime: I... I can't beat him. No matter how brave I am, how fiercely I fight, somebody dies. I am not worthy.


G1 Prime: Nor was I once. I was but a weak simpleton when the first Megatron murdered my lover and my friend. However despite these losses I was able to persevere and become leader of the Autobots.
G2 Prime: Err, you do realise we are the same bot right? Besides which I KICKED YOUR MEGATRON'S ARSE at the Battle for Autobot City.


Kup: Thats true, I was there kid. You put up a damned good fight.
G2 Prime: Thanks Kup
Kup: Although I do also recall you getting shot to pieces.
G2 Prime: Thanks Kup
Kup: Look Prime, nobody hates you more than I do. Probably not even Megatron. But after travelling with you for this long, I believe in you and your ability to tear Decepticons apart with your mighty, mighty sword.
G1 Prime: Yes, that much is true.
G2 Prime: Wait... are you guys trying to cheer me up?


Snarl: You can do it Prime! You're the best!
G2 Prime: Oh gawd, this is getting way too mushy. I can't take this level of sympathy anymore


G2 Prime: It's time to take the fight back to Megatron! I'd much rather have all my friends die than have to sit through anymore slides of that inspirational drivel.
G1 Prime: That's the spirit!
Kup: Good to have yer back dorkhead
Snarl: I like turtles.
Kup: Get out of my face

Back at Megatron's....


G2 Megs: You work for ME now
Ratchet: Not if your life sonny jim
G2 Megs: I had a feeling you would say that, so how about this...


G2 Megs: As you can see my minions Smolder and Chopster have done quite a number on your friend there...
Ratchet: Prowl... no
G2 Megs...so lets make an agreement. I am in need of a skilled physician, you would like your friend's remains. Every gigacycle you are in my service, I will give you a part of your friend to put back together. Serve me well, and you well have your friend fully restored and I will grant you both that 'freedom' you Autobots crave so badly.
Ratchet: And if I refuse?
Smolder: Heh, I get to show you a thing or two about superheated steel
Ratchet: What? That it's really soft and workable?
G2 Megs: How about how it feels when your head is entirely composed of it?
Ratchet: *gulp*


Will Kup and his newly reformed team of Primes be able to Rescue Ratchet from the clutches of G2 Megatron? Find out on the next thrilling 30 slides of Transformers G2 Prime: The Generation Wars!

[GoktimusPrime]

Daarrk Energon! lol

[techx]

More I say... moooooooorrrrrrrreeeeee

Well done Lint.

[Lint]

G2 Megs: Come my minions, now that the Prime is out of the way we have a world to conquer ha ha ha haaah
Ratchet: You'll never get away with this Megatron
Smolder: Less lip on this trip! Keep up the pace or I'll chop that smile off your face!
Ratchet: What is this, talk-like-a-Wheelie day?


Caliburst: Lord Megatron the aftermath of where Skywarp, Skyhammer and the human fell lies ahead!
G2 Megs: Excellent work my pet. Unlike some of my other minions you never fail me.


G2 Megs: Medic! Revive these thralls, they will do my bidding once more!
Ratchet: There... is too much carnage. I wouldn't know where to start.
G2 Megs: Remember our agreement, I will allow you to piece together one segment of your friend for every Decepticon here you revive.
Ratchet: Well then, Skywarp can be saved, the orange one just needs a good wipe down and to be taken out of stasis lock, unfortunately there is nothing that can be done for Skyhammer. He has quite plainly lost his head.
G2 Megs: Thats better


G2 Megs: Ah crapsticks a closeup... I need to say something ominous and foreboding. Umm errr.... BAD MOONBASE ON THE RISE!!! Ah forget it.

Meanwhile....

G2 Prime: I'm gonna kick Megatron's tail across the galaxy
Kup: Look Prime, I think you're sufficiently psyched
G1 Prime: Oy vey
Snarl: Iiiii wanna know, have you ever seen the rainmakers?


G2 Prime: Rainmakers? I killed them all aeons ago. Ground them to dust and turned them into Skittles. I'll do it to Megatron too, heck, I can't WAIT to feel my blade sink into his smug Decepticon face.
G1 Prime: Then why are we still here?
G2 Prime: Erm, well, I kinda don't know where he's at


Shiiiiiiiiiine
G1 Prime: What in the world is that?
Kup: This reminds me of a film I once watched... oh yeah it was Star Trek: Into Darkness
G2 Prime: J J Abrams... is that you?
Snarl: It's a sign! We must strike now!

Back at Megatron's

G2 Megs: Rise my minions! Serve the Decepticon cause once more!
Skywarp: It's good to be back, where is my killer? The first port of business is vengeance!
Ratchet: Slain... by an unknown assailant.
Skywarp: Grrr they better run through the jungle and never look back. Vengeance is MINE.
Thunderhead: I... I was... I am an Autobot
G2 Megs: Interesting...


Thunderhead: But no more! Prime sent me to go liason with the humans. Gain their cooperation. What did they do? Gut me and turn me into one of their machined puppets! Did Prime do anything to save me? No, nothing! I serve the DECEPTICONS now. Lord Megatron, just give the order and I will bombard your enemies from up around the bend.
G2 Megs: Excellent, rest assured I will grant you ample opportunities to exact your vengeance on those puny fleshbags and their fortunate sons.
Ratchet: Ugh...you're all horrible horrible sparks and not because I have any love for humans.


G2 Prime: Hold it right there Megatron. Your reign ends here.
G2 Megs: Prime! Come to lead more of your friends to their deaths?
Kup: Crapsticks, that was really a thing?
G1 Prime: It stands to reason that...
Kup:Oh shut it Proud Mary.


G2 Prime: Your spell on me ends now Megatron. HYAAAAH!



Will G2 Prime finally break his curse or will Megatron claim another Autobot spark? Should Skywarp and Thunderhead quit the Decepticons and become a CCR cover band? Find none of these answered in the next installment of Transformers G2 Prime: The Generation Wars!

[Lint]

Last week on Transformers G2 Prime

G2 Prime: HYAAAA!!!!


This week on Transformers G2 Prime

G2 Prime: Hy--Uaghh!!!
Kup: Well we're off to a flying start


G2 Megs: Oh Prime... Foolish Prime... Why do you so willingly submit yourself to such miserable circumstance? Perhaps this shall be our final clash.
G2 Prime: *uuuuurgh...


G1 Prime: Hold it right there Megatron
G2 Megs: Oh? And are you, the child-friendly Prime going to stop me?


Kup: I told you this was a bad idea. He's got us outnumbered.
G1 Prime: You may have us outnumbered. But we are two of the best guns in all of Cybertron.
G2 Megs: The odds are indeed in my favour. But I have no interest in you both. Power Core Combiners! Show these two 'guns' that they're firing blanks.


G1 Prime: We will not go quietly into the night! Eat lead Decepticon!
Kup: We've got to cover Prime till he can get up.
Undertow: Waterlog launch, and engage the target! I'll close in for the kill.
Icepick: Cmon Chainclaw, I'll line this guy up...


Icepick: .... and you can knock him down
G1 Prime: Oof!!!
Kup: You're going to have to do better than that.


G1 Prime: You're too close! Eat lead Decepticreep!
Undertow: Grrrah I'm hit!
G2 Prime: Urgh, whats happening?
Kup: These minicon things are starting to annoy me
G2 Prime: Megatron must be stopped. No matter the cost.
Icepick: Hey Chainclaw, want to see if we can hit two old Primes in a fight?


Hop!
Chainclaw: He just hopped right over us!
G2 Prime: Megatronnnnn!
Icepick: Grrrr
Undertow: I'm bugging out. Need suppressing fire on the Prime. Repeat. Suppressing fire on the Prime.


Icepick: Chainclaw, transform and engage the old Prime. I'll take care of this one.
G1 Prime: What the...
*glomp*
G2 Prime: What? Get off me you ugly decepticon!


Icepick: On the contrary, you should get off me! Metallikato kick!
G2 Prime: Oof!

G1 Prime: Kup, I require assistance...
Kup: Try to keep your face on, I'm comin old boy
Sledge: Heh... I'll teach you to turn your back on me.


G2 Megs: Well, well. You prostrate yourself before me again Prime.
G2 Prime: Urg
G2 Megs: Leave us Icepick. You have done well. But this Prime is mine.
Icepick: As you command lord Megatron.


G2 Megs: Oh Prime. Not long ago you could barely dare to face me. Today, you cannot face me because it is buried in the dirt: by one of my footsoldiers no less. While I applaud your newfound courage I am very dissapointed that your quality of battle is as awful as always.


G2 Megs: Look around you Prime. How many more of your pathetic minions will you let falter?
Kup: Aaaaa! I think I've done my back
Sledge: Wrong. We're doing your back. Kick it up a notch Throttler!
G1 Prime: Ahh I can't see!


G2 Megs: Perhaps I got it all wrong. The question is not how much more can you STAND to lose.
Chainclaw: You might have something in your Optics... like missiles to the face!


G2 Megs: But what DO you have left have to lose?
Smolder: Seems like you and I have some unfinished business isn't that right Chopster?
Ratchet: What you and your minicon do in the heat of battle is no interest of mine.
Smolder: I was referring to YOU
Ratchet: Hey, we're all emergency vehicles here... can't we all get along?


G2 Prime: Heh, who said I came here to lose?
G2 Megs: Err not me?
G2 Prime: Maybe I planned all this.
G2 Megs: Oh by the dead universe, are you really doing this?
G2 Prime: Maybe I'm lying here in front of you because it's just, exactly, where, I, want, to, be.
Caliburst: He's doing this.


G2 Prime: Rising Slash!!! Say goodbye to your ca...


G2 Prime: Wha?
G2 Megs: I get you every time with this. Nail him Caliburst.


ZAPP!!!
G2 Prime: Bianca!
G2 Megs: Minicons, don't leave Earth without one.


G2 Prime: Counter-kick your arm off!


G2 Megs: You know Prime, it would really help if you don't announce your every attack!


G2 Megs: Heh
G2 Prime: Oh slag... Please not the/...


G2 Prime: Ch...AAAAUGH!!!!


G2 Megs: As if there were any other outcome... It's over Prime
G2 Prime: *groan*


G2 Megs: Urg, that light. J.J. Abrams is that you?


Huffer: Guess again Megatron. I'm glad we've found you Prime. Now we can kick Megatron's skidplate and get off this couch world.
Huffer: Heavytread! Searchlight! Salvage! Steelshot! Roll out and relieve Prime's team!
PCC's: Core Power!


Searchlight: Let's lend Prime some air support Backwind
Backwind: Firing guns!
Icepick: Grah! Run for cover!


Heavytread: Pick on someone your own size Sledge!
Sledge: Arrrgh. I've never heard someone use that figure of speech in reverse!


Steelshot: Howabouta bit more iron in your diet Undertow?
Undertow: I'm Hit! I'm going down!
Waterlog: Ain't that the understatement


Salvage: Hey Smolder, you're so 2000-and-late
Smolder: Grrr that was just awful, like their last album.
Chopster: Stop your whining I'm the one absorbing most of this damage.


Huffer: Caliburst you traitor!!!!!
G2 Megs: Urg...
Caliburst: Help me Lord Megatron!
G2 Megs: Decepticons! We are outnumbered! This battle is lost! SOUND THE RETREAT!!!!


Heavytread: And stay out!
Salvage: They're running like Rattraps
Steelshot: Hey I resent that comment. He's my cousin on my mother's side.
Searchlight: Who cares. We did it, we turned the tide!

G2 Megs: Savour your victory Autobots, we will be back!
Undertow: I certainly flagging hope not.
Smolder: I've never been so violated with puns and references



Did the Autobot Power Core Combiners return in time to save the sparks of G1 Prime and Kup or will they now replace them as the core cast of the show ala the 1986 movie? Will G2 Megs really be back and more importantly will G2 Prime be able to defeat him? Find out this and more on the next talkfest episode of Transformers G2 Prime: The Generation Wars!






Thunderhead: So why the heck did Megatron sound a retreat? We weren't that outnumbered at all!
Skywarp: Well Megatron didn't say "Power Core Combiners! AND Skywarp and Thunderhead" So we just took off and have been running recon ever since.
Thunderhead: Oh comon we could have rained death from above. Even dropped into the mix and bashed a few heads.
Skywarp: Look we'd just been brought BACK TO LIFE. I'd like to enjoy it a bit longer if you don't mind. Besides which, orders were orders.
Thunderhead: The producer forgot about us didn't he?
Skywarp: Yep...

[Starscream77]

I am having withdrawals

I neeeeeeeed a new episode