View Poll Results: What gender is (are) your child(ren)?

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  • Boy(s)

    15 40.54%
  • Girl(s)

    6 16.22%
  • Both (even)

    10 27.03%
  • More boys

    3 8.11%
  • More girls

    3 8.11%
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Thread: The Parenting Thread

  1. #411
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoktimusPrime View Post
    I would do something about it.

    Books have been around for centuries but it's still rude to read them at the table. It's not so much the tech but basic manners and respect -- i.e. not burying your head in some form of distraction and ignoring your present company.
    An ex did this. Key word ex

  2. #412
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoktimusPrime View Post
    I would do something about it.
    Like what?

    I was prepared for a violent response if he was going to do something more than words or if he persisted. I considered it a catcall and they walked away immediately.

    It was still a bad experience for my daughter.

  3. #413
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    Quote Originally Posted by jazzcomp View Post
    Like what?
    Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Not violence though unless he's threatening someone's safety.

    I would likely ask him questions to make him reflect on his actions, like:
    "Do you think that was appropriate?"
    "Why/Why not?"
    "What can you do or say now to make things better?"
    "What will you do in the future to make things better?"

    etc.

  4. #414
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoktimusPrime View Post
    Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Not violence though unless he's threatening someone's safety.

    I would likely ask him questions to make him reflect on his actions, like:
    "Do you think that was appropriate?"
    "Why/Why not?"
    "What can you do or say now to make things better?"
    "What will you do in the future to make things better?"

    etc.
    I don't think a discussion will work with idiots like these. But thanks for the input.

  5. #415
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoktimusPrime View Post
    Hard to say without knowing more about the situation. Not violence though unless he's threatening someone's safety.

    I would likely ask him questions to make him reflect on his actions, like:
    "Do you think that was appropriate?"
    "Why/Why not?"
    "What can you do or say now to make things better?"
    "What will you do in the future to make things better?"

    etc.
    Ah Goki. Trying to use logic when a round house kick to the face followed up with stomp on the groin would serve a better dialogue.

    "Do you think that was appropriate?" (b!tch slap)
    "Why/Why not?" (back hander)
    "What can you do or say now to make things better?" (round house kick)
    "What will you do in the future to make things better?" (groin attack)


    Quote Originally Posted by jazzcomp View Post
    I don't think a discussion will work with idiots like these. But thanks for the input.
    ... But thanks for the input.

    That's gold jazzcomp.

  6. #416
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    Quote Originally Posted by jazzcomp View Post
    I don't think a discussion will work with idiots like these. But thanks for the input.
    Again, hard to tell having not been there. Questions geared towards prompting thought and discussion (the positive behaviour method) works really well because it re-empowers the bully in a positive way and treats them as an intelligent/rational agent rather than going down to their level and attacking them. But the problem with the positive behaviour method is that it doesn't work well if the bully is being emotionally irrational and not receptive to being reasoned with - I find that in this case it may be better to adopt a more authoritarian approach where you just, in no uncertain terms, put them in their place.

    I was recently watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and once scene that stood out to me was during Quidditch training where the Gryffindor team were being rowdy and restless. Harry was trying to get them to calm down and listen to him, but he could barely get a word in because the others kept on yapping. Then Ginny Weasley just yells, SHUT IT! and the whole team shut up. Yeah... talk to them like a PE teacher or sports coach -- direct and no nonsense, but also maintaining the moral high ground. You're not verbally abusing or attacking them, but you're just cutting out the nonsense and getting straight to the point. I do this sometimes in class if a kid is being really silly -- a few weeks ago I had a student who was out of seat without permission in my class and was distracting other students. I got his attention then this happened...
    Me: "Sit."
    Student: "Shouldn't you be asking me more nicely?"
    Me: "Sit."
    Student: "You're ordering me like a dog!"
    Me: "Sit."
    <student sits down>
    As I said, this is the authoritarian method. Simple and direct. It lets the other person know in no uncertain terms what you expect of them.

    I prefer to use the positive behaviour method, but sometimes it's just not appropriate or suitable (or even possible), so in other cases I default to the authoritarian method. The problem with the authoritarian method is that it can be confronting and provocative - so you really need to gauge your audience to see how they would react to it. The authoritarian method can make people feel cornered and disempowered, thus more likely to lash out and escalate hostility, so it's not a method that you would use on someone who is already angry.

    But if it's a case of some creep wolf-whistling your daughter, so while he's being grossly inappropriate he's not necessarily in an agitated or angered state, then you might be able to use the positive behaviour or authoritarian method -- again, I can't really tell without having been there. If you want to use the authoritarian method then I suppose simply marching up to him and telling him directly how inappropriate his actions were and then demanding an apology to your daughter might work. But you see, the problem with this method is that it doesn't teach him anything. Your words might just go in one ear and out the other, and at best, he might apologise to your daughter because he's scared of you and not because he's learnt the error of his ways. Which means that next time he has the opportunity to wolf whistle a girl, if he thinks he can get away with it (e.g. if she's alone or not with a male relative/friend) then he might just do it again. He's only scared of getting caught and doesn't really understand why he shouldn't do that again to another girl.

    The positive behaviour method works better because it educates. Because he has to actually answer your questions he has to think about what he's done. When you ask, "Do you think that was really an appropriate thing to do?" he can't just blindly answer, "No, sir. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again, sir." -- i.e. his mouth is on autopilot and his brain has shut down. Consider instead...
    "Do you think that was really an appropriate thing to do?"
    "No, sorry."
    "Why do you think that was inappropriate?"

    Note the follow up question. Why? This question is designed to provoke thought. You can't autopilot your mouth and switch your brain off. You have to be mentally engaged and answer the question. Also consider...
    "What can you do now to make things better?"
    "I don't know."
    "Well, what would you expect from someone else if they did something that upset you?"
    "Apologise to me."
    "That's a good answer. So what can you do to my daughter after having upset her?"
    "I should say sorry."
    "Good idea. Shall we go over to her now?"
    "Yeah."

    See the difference here? You're not telling the person what to do or think, you're merely providing guidance. And the decision to apologise then comes from him, not you. Nothing is forced - it's a decision made through free will and is thus a more sincere apology. It's not lip service. Because quite frankly, if someone gives me a fake apology then I refuse to accept it. Not that any of my students have ever given me an insincere apology, because they know damn well that I would never take it.

    P.S.: another method is the choice method, this can be tacked onto other methods such as the positive behaviour or the authoritarian method.
    e.g. (authoritarian x choice)
    "If you don't apologise now I will call the police and file a complaint against you for sexual harassment. You have 15 seconds to make a decision."
    "I'm not going to apologise..."
    "13 seconds remaining."

  7. #417
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    Teenagers! Mr 15 asks us to help him work out averages of the times he was taking to solve a Rubiks Cube (his current obsession). Then tells us we’re doing it wrong when we point out that 1 minute 30 seconds and 1.5 minutes are the same thing, despite our explanations. And keeps arguing. And keeps arguing.

    Geez, I wish I knew everything.

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  8. #418
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    Teach him to put his money where his mouth is. Agree on a bet, then tell him to ask the question to his maths teacher and come back with the result. Although a bit odd that he doesn't know how to convert fractions and decimals at his age. My daughter's learning this now but she's 9 - and I teach my 15 year olds more complicated stuff like Pythagorean Theorem. :/ <shrugs>

    Anyway, losing a wager might teach him a lesson. I sometimes have kids in my class who engage in stupid arguments like this and I tell them to make a small wager (e.g. loser buys the winner a pack of chips from the school canteen). 9 times out of 10 the kid who's wrong will very suddenly back down.

  9. #419
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoktimusPrime View Post
    Teach him to put his money where his mouth is. Agree on a bet, then tell him to ask the question to his maths teacher and come back with the result. Although a bit odd that he doesn't know how to convert fractions and decimals at his age. My daughter's learning this now but she's 9 - and I teach my 15 year olds more complicated stuff like Pythagorean Theorem. :/ <shrugs>

    Anyway, losing a wager might teach him a lesson. I sometimes have kids in my class who engage in stupid arguments like this and I tell them to make a small wager (e.g. loser buys the winner a pack of chips from the school canteen). 9 times out of 10 the kid who's wrong will very suddenly back down.
    At work we do cake bets. If someone is making a claim or two people are arguing, then someone will suggest a cake bet. The loser buys a $5 Woolworths cake for the group for afternoon tea. More often then not someone backs down. But I still eat a lot of cake at work. Every now and then I have to buy one too
    Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

  10. #420
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    Quote Originally Posted by GoktimusPrime View Post
    Teach him to put his money where his mouth is. Agree on a bet, then tell him to ask the question to his maths teacher and come back with the result. Although a bit odd that he doesn't know how to convert fractions and decimals at his age. My daughter's learning this now but she's 9 - and I teach my 15 year olds more complicated stuff like Pythagorean Theorem. :/ <shrugs>

    Anyway, losing a wager might teach him a lesson. I sometimes have kids in my class who engage in stupid arguments like this and I tell them to make a small wager (e.g. loser buys the winner a pack of chips from the school canteen). 9 times out of 10 the kid who's wrong will very suddenly back down.
    I thought the same thing... he REALLY should know this stuff by now. He’s generally pretty good with his school work... not a genius, but he gets by, without a massive amount of application. And he’s asking us to do averages for him? And then telling us we’re wrong? I suspect the reptilian part of his brain took over at that point.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trent View Post
    At work we do cake bets. If someone is making a claim or two people are arguing, then someone will suggest a cake bet. The loser buys a $5 Woolworths cake for the group for afternoon tea. More often then not someone backs down. But I still eat a lot of cake at work. Every now and then I have to buy one too
    This, and Gok’s idea about a wager is a stellar idea. But I can’t eat cake, sadly. It’d have to be chips.

    Cake bet. I like it. Totally stealing that for work.

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