The Parenting Thread

[iamirondude]

i only just noticed this thread. i've got 8 kids.. 5 boys and 3 girls. the eldest is 18 and the youngest is 3.

[GoktimusPrime]

A few months ago my daughter participated in a survey at her preschool involving multilingual children from a target language group. In the pre-survey information form we were asked to fill out, one of the questions asked what generation our child is, and there were two tick boxes that said "1st Generation" and "2nd Generation." So I drew another box and wrote "3rd Generation" next to it before ticking it. Somewhat interesting that the PhD students running this survey didn't think that they would draw any multilingual kids from beyond 2nd generation.

[Megatran]

On the weekend my 5 year old niece asked if big tits (her words) was important. Not having children of our own yet and with the wife out doing the grocery shopping, I kinda didn't really know how to respond. So I said to her that it's not nice to make fun of people with big teeth ...... hoping to change the subject. But she reverted the conversation back to big tits (again her words). So I began to tell her the story (analogy) of when her younger brother, herself & I baked a chocolate cake about a month ago. We didn't have any chocolate icing on the cake but it tasted just as good. Having 'icing on the cake' does not make it better, nor does a cake without icing detract from the wonderful taste.

To all you parents out there, how would you have handled the situation?

(By the way, I did correct her on the use of the word tits).

[Bartrim]

On the weekend my 5 year old niece asked if big tits (her words) was important. Not having children of our own yet and with the wife out doing the grocery shopping, I kinda didn't really know how to respond. So I said to her that it's not nice to make fun of people with big teeth ...... hoping to change the subject. But she reverted the conversation back to big tits (again her words). So I began to tell her the story (analogy) of when her younger brother, herself & I baked a chocolate cake about a month ago. We didn't have any chocolate icing on the cake but it tasted just as good. Having 'icing on the cake' does not make it better, nor does a cake without icing detract from the wonderful taste.

To all you parents out there, how would you have handled the situation?

(By the way, I did correct her on the use of the word tits).

Don't know... I have boys. Thank God lol.

[Gofigure]

Taken back by the language.....from a 5 year old

Saddens and disappoints, even just the use of the word. The question is even more of a worry at that age.

Speechless.....but also glad to have 2 boys!

[GoktimusPrime]

I find it utterly bizarre that a 5 year old would even think about such things! You were right to correct her on the inappropriate use of that word, Megatran. I would probably answer the question with, "I don't know," and then distract her attention by moving onto another subject straight away.
e.g. "I don't know. Hey, did you know that the next Transformers movie is going to have Dinobots in it?"

------------------------------------------

Speaking of language in an entirely different manner, since our daughter started school this year I've been increasingly meeting a whole lot of other parents of similar age children; at school and at the two community language schools that she attends. Since then I've come across a number of parents who want their children to be multilingual but:
1/ allow their children to speak to them in English instead of the target language, and/or...
2/ allow themselves to speak to the children in English instead of the target language
3/ expect community language schools to be able to teach the target language(s) without it being spoken at home

I'm not a fan of this method, because that's what my parents did with me and it utterly failed, and as a result I'm incapable to speaking their target language (such as it were), and many of my cousins are also incapable because their parents did the same thing. I mentioned this to at least one couple, and told them that IMHO sending kids to community language schools is a waste of time and money if you're not going to also speak the language at home.

I have parents come and express their concern about this, and I tell them about the une personne une langue method that my wife and I use consistently which we use to maintain our daughter's multilingualism. I've heard a myriad of various excuses as to why their child(ren) speak English at home... but honestly, it's nothing anything that my wife and I don't or haven't already faced. We just stick to our guns and remain consistent.

Excuses include:
> Being busy. Yeah, everyone's busy. I don't understand how speaking in English makes people less busy than in the target language.
> Children behaving badly when being elicited to speak in the target language. Yeah, that happens. My daughter did it too when she was about 1~2 years old. So what do you do when your child refuses to follow any other household or family rule? That's right, you enforce it. And even monolingual families have language rules, e.g. not giving a child what s/he wants unless s/he says "please" and "thank you." You do the same thing, only expanding it to using the target language(s). When my daughter was a toddler, she would demand for water in English. Cry, scream etc. I would repeatedly tell her that she'll only get the water when she asked for it in the target language. And yeah, she'd start screaming louder, and I'd just repeat the rule - over and over and over and over and over again (calmly but firmly). And eventually she would ask for water in the target language and she'd finally get a drink! Sure, it drove me absolutely mental at the time, but I stuck to my guns and it eventually worked.

[5FDP]

Was following this story on news.com.au - I’m not paying for your choice to have a kid, and felt compelled to post a comment on their site. In true media-controlling style, they've removed all comments and left a few remaining tweets that support the author in his view despite the fact that almost every single comment I read prior to their removal was in disagreement.

My main point was that if people were going to complain about this, then I will only pay taxes for the roads that I personally use. Everyone else can fend for themselves. There were other comments along the lines that the majority of us are paying taxes for things we don't always use and this is why it's called a community. These same people complaining will be the same ones in years to come that will stick their hands out for welfare.

[Trent]

Was following this story on news.com.au - I’m not paying for your choice to have a kid, and felt compelled to post a comment on their site. In true media-controlling style, they've removed all comments and left a few remaining tweets that support the author in his view despite the fact that almost every single comment I read prior to their removal was in disagreement.

My main point was that if people were going to complain about this, then I will only pay taxes for the roads that I personally use. Everyone else can fend for themselves. There were other comments along the lines that the majority of us are paying taxes for things we don't always use and this is why it's called a community. These same people complaining will be the same ones in years to come that will stick their hands out for welfare.

Yeah. I can't comment because it makes me angry. I can't get how your surprised? I'm mean, look who won the last election

[GoktimusPrime]

For anyone who cares, 2013's Top Baby Names.

[GoktimusPrime]

Had dinner last night with the family of one of Yuki's classmates... they have 3 kids. As a parent of an only child, I feel that I have a better appreciation for parents of multiple children, especially when said multiple children are very active. XO I have another friend who has 2 kids, but they're relatively placid and they also live with the grandparents which makes it a lot easier. But in a family where there aren't additional caregivers aside from the parents around to help out, it's certainly more challenging. The husband in this family works 6 days a week, so it's up to his wife to look after the 3 kids most of the time and it's understandably incredibly exhausting (they have 1 child in kindy, 1 in preschool, and another who's still a toddler). To their credit, they don't take any nonsense from their kids and seem pretty good at consistently enforcing consequences for all three children. One of the kids was misbehaving and ignoring verbal prompts and warnings, and was consequently sent to her room for time out. She was kicking and screaming in there, but her attention-seeking behaviour was duly ignored. Afterwards they allowed her back to the table, but she continued insisting on wanting to misbehave, so the parents gave her two choices - behave or go back to her room. She continued on insisting on doing what she wanted, and as a result was sent back to her room, and again her bad attention-seeking behaviour was promptly ignored. After a few minutes she was brought back to the table, where she sat down and was well behaved for the rest of the evening.

My wife and I have also gone through this stage with Yuki when she was around that age (aah, the Terrible Twos), and in ensuring that we enforced consistent consequences for her actions, Yuki's now pretty well behaved (most of the time ). But one challenge that I can see for parents of multiple children is having to switch between dealing with those different stages of child development! As parents of an only child, once Yuki has been through a stage, we move on from it and breathe a sigh of relief. But parents of multiple children can't do that, because they have to "revisit" those previous stages with the younger child(ren)!

I know that all the parents of multiple children here are reading this going, "Well, duh!", but I personally now have a greater appreciation for people who are raising more than one child and having to juggle between going back and forth between different developmental stages with their kids! I salute you.

And I think all parents of babies and infants who maintain consistent consequences and discipline with their children deserve a pat on the back too. It's not easy because they're so darn cuuuuute, and hearing them crying and screaming when we discipline them is emotionally very difficult... but we have to remember that sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Spare the rod and spoil the child. I can personally attest that all the emotional pain and trials are worth it in the end, because after we got through Yuki's "Terrible Twos" period, she's become a much easier child to deal with. e.g. last night she wanted to go straight to bed without brushing her teeth. I called out her name once, and after that she went straight into the bathroom and started brushing her teeth! There was no need for me to raise my voice, no need to verbally reprimand her or discipline her etc. She knows what my expectations are, and she knows that there's a 110% chance that she will be met with consequences for failing to meet those consequences. She also knows that she will have positive consequences for being compliant too, so last night after brushing her teeth I read one of her favourite books as a bed time story as a reward before showering her with lots of kisses and cuddles before lights out. Knock on wood.