Transformers Pitch Meetings

PITCH MEETING FOR THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE
The year is 1985...

EXEC: "Do you have a movie for me?"

WRITER: "Sure do. You know how all the kids are into The Transformers now? I've written a script for The Transformers: The Movie."

EXEC: "Can't wait to hear what the actual name of the film is going to be."

WRITER: "No, that's it. It's going to be called The Transformers: The Movie."

EXEC: "Why not Transformers The Movie?"

WRITER: "Because Hasbro said so."

EXEC: "Fair enough. So you're going to need a big effects budget for this. Maybe we should contact Industrial Light and Magic."

WRITER: "It's a cartoon movie."

EXEC: "Oh right, because we're appealing to children."

WRITER: "Exactly. So the movie starts off with genocide."

EXEC: "What?"

WRITER: "There are these robots living on a machine planet."

EXEC: "Cybertron!"

WRITER: "No."

EXEC: "Gobotron?"

WRITER: "Not that either."

EXEC: "Mondas?"

WRITER: "What's that? Anyway, it's a different machine world populated by robots called Lithone and it's about to be eaten by a bigger planet called Unicorn."

EXEC: "Did you say Unicorn?"

WRITER: "No I did not. So two ships manage to escape."

EXEC: "It must be hard for them to escape the world-sucking pull of Unicron."

WRITER: "For one of them, yes. That ship gets destroyed, but for the other one it manages to pull away super easily. Barely an inconvenience."

EXEC: "Huh."

WRITER: "Then we cut away to a rock and roll version of the Transformers opening theme song."

EXEC: "Rock and roll cartoon themes are tight."

WRITER: "Then we see a machine world."

EXEC: "I thought it was destroyed."

WRITER: "No, this is Cybertron now."

EXEC: "Oh right, because before you already told the audience that the other planet was not Cybertron."

WRITER: "No, we just assume that the child audience knows."

EXEC: "Sounds great."

WRITER: "The opening narration tells us that it's in year two thousand and five."

EXEC: "Wow, that's 20 years in the future!"

WRITER: "I know!"

EXEC: "Shouldn't it be pronounced as Twenty Oh Five? Like how 1905 is Nineteen Oh Five?"

WRITER: "You're right. Nobody in the future will ever mispronunce 2005 as Two Thousand and Five, but we'll do it anyway to establish an alternate reality."

EXEC: "Sounds tight."

WRITER: "The Decepticons have conquered the Autobots' home planet of Cybertron."

EXEC: "How did that happen?"

WRITER: "Reasons."

EXEC: "Isn't Cybertron also the Decepticons' homeworld?"

WRITER: "I don't know. Who cares? Anyway, the Autobots have been forced to live on Cybertron's moons."

EXEC: "I don't remember seeing Cybertron with moons before, but I guess being so far into the future there'd be plenty of time for Cybertron to ensare a pair of satellites into its orbits. So the Decepticons don't know that the Autobots are there, right?"

WRITER: "They do. They even send Laserbeak to casually fly there and spy on the Autobots."

EXEC: "The moons are that close? Wouldn't their gravitational fields mess up with Cybertron?"

WRITER: "Not at all. Anyway, these moon-based Autobots don't even have enough fuel to keep on fighting."

EXEC: "So Megatron plans an attack on the moons?"

WRITER: "Not at all. He plans to go to Earth and take out the Autobots there before so that they can't resupply the Autobots on the Cybertronian moons."

EXEC: "Sounds way harder than just assaulting the weakened Autobots on the moon."

WRITER: "Yeah, but I need to showcase more toys and have the story move on."

EXEC: "Okay then."

WRITER: "On the way to Earth a bunch of Autobots are killed."

EXEC: "Some second tier characters like Topspin and Twin Twist?"

WRITER: "Brawn, Ratchet, Prowl and Ironhide."

EXEC: "Oh, snap. That might upset some kids."

WRITER: "Have you read the Transformers comic books?"

EXEC: "I don't read."

WRITER: "That explains why I'm talking to you about my script instead of just letting you read it. Anyway, there's a massive battle on Earth, we see guys like Wheeljack and Windcharger being dead."

EXEC: "Did they die honourably?"

WRITER: "We don't see them die. They're already dead. But we do see at least one character die on-screen in this battle."

EXEC: "Hubcap?"

WRITER: "Optimus Prime!"

EXEC: "Are kids going to be cool with that?"

WRITER: "Totally. His death saved all the other Autobots so he becomes a martyr. Ultra Magnus becomes the new leader."

EXEC: "Logical choice. He's like an upgraded Optimus Prime anyway. Better than giving the mantle of leadership to the kid appeal character."

WRITER: "At the end of the film leadership is given to the movie's kid appeal character."

EXEC: "Oh."

WRITER: "Optimus Prime gives Ultra Magnus this MacGuffin called the Matrix of Leadership."

EXEC: "Where did that come from?"

WRITER: "The inside of Optimus Prime's chest."

EXEC: "Where we previously saw his Cosmistron in episode 6 of Season 1?"

WRITER: "Correct. The Cosmitron that Optimus Prime needed to survive is nowhere to be seen, but instead there's a special chamber that holds the Matrix. And Ultra Magnus has a chamber in his chest too."

EXEC: "What incredible luck."

WRITER: "Out in space, Astrotrain says that he's carrying too much weight."

EXEC: "He's carrying too much weight in a weightless environment?"

WRITER: "That's right. So the Decepticons throw out all of their wounded and fight inside Astrotrain for leadership. The Constructicons even form Devastator."

EXEC: "That must be really hard to do inside a space shuttle."

WRITER: "Not at all. It's super easy, not even an inconvenience. Then Megatron and the wounded Decepticons happen to float by Unicron."

EXEC: "That's an astronomical coincidence!"

WRITER: "It sure is. Unicron wants the Decepticons to destroy the Autobot Matrix because it's the only thing that can stop him."

EXEC: "Why? How?"

WRITER: "He doesn't say."

EXEC: "Why doesn't he just do it himself instead of asking a bunch of random dying strangers?"

WRITER: "He doesn't say, but he expects them to comply without even fixing them."

EXEC: "What a jerk."

WRITER: "But then he decides to fix them as new Decepticons. Galvatron, Scourge and his Sweeps, Cyclonus and his armada."

EXEC: "Awesome! A whole new army of Decepticons!"

WRITER: "We never see the armada again."

EXEC: "Seems like a waste."

WRITER: "They do get a neat new space ship though."

EXEC: "From where?"

WRITER: "From inside Unicron. He just happened to have one stored inside him and it's the same shade of Decepticon purple as everything else the Decepticons have."

EXEC: "Another amazing coincidence."

WRITER: "On Cybertron Starscream is crowned as the Decepticons new leader."

EXEC: "Awesome. I bet fans have been waiting to see Starscream take lead for a long time."

WRITER: "They sure have. So then Galvatron kills him by turning him into ash and we see Starscream's remains crumble."

EXEC: "Seems appropriate."

WRITER: "Then Unicron comes and gobbles up Cybertron's moons."

EXEC: "Seems like a great way to demotivate his newly acquired subordinates. Why doesn't Galvatron fight back?"

WRITER: "He can't because Unicron can remotely torture him at any time."

EXEC: "Sounds kinky. Does he crush his laser core?"

WRITER: "Nah. He just puts on this red light show and Galvatron screams in pain for no other apparent reason."

EXEC: "Red light shows are tight."

WRITER: "So then the Decepticons go back to Earth to destroy the Matrix, but the Autobots manage to get away aboard two shuttles."

EXEC: "Why didn't they use these ships during the earlier battle?"

WRITER: "Because they forgot that they had them until now."

EXEC: "I see. So then Galvatron deploys all of his troops to destroy the ships, right?"

WRITER: "No, he just sends Cyclonus."

EXEC: "And his armada?"

WRITER: "Just Cyclonus. But the Autobots survive by detaching the saucer component."

EXEC: "Won't this upset Paramount?"

WRITER: "As if Paramount would ever make a Transformers film."

EXEC: "Fair point. Tell me more."

WRITER: "Hot Rod, Kup and the Dinobots end up on a machine world."

EXEC: "Not... Cybertron?"

WRITER: "Quintessa. The Dinobots are separated from the other Autobots. Hot Rod and Kup are attacked by a giant mechanical squid and then later captured by transforming robot alligators."

EXEC: "I never knew that there could be so many robotic planets in the universe."

WRITER: "Turns out there are. The Dinobots meet Wheelie, a lone survivalist."

EXEC: "I don't see how this character could possibly go wrong. Tell me more."

WRITER: "He has this really high pitched squeaky voice and talks in rhymes. He becomes friends with the Dinobots after shooting Grimlock in the nose."

EXEC: "I already hate him."

WRITER: "Kup and Hot Rod meet the Quintessons who execute aliens for fun."

EXEC: "Does Quintessa have a planetary self isolation policy to defend its sovereign integrity?"

WRITER: "Who knows. They just laugh a lot when they do it. They feed their prisoners to the Sharkticons."

EXEC: "Aren't they Decepticons? I saw one at the shops and it was a Decepticon."

WRITER: "We might explain that later, who cares? Anyway, the Dinobots bust in to save the Autobots."

EXEC: "All right! Go Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl and Swoop!"

WRITER: "Actually Snarl's not there."

EXEC: "Where did he go?"

WRITER: "We see him on Earth for a bit, but not on Quintessa."

EXEC: "I guess he didn't board the shuttle."

WRITER: "Guess so. But then they need to find a ship to get off world after having overthrown the Quintessons."

EXEC: "That'd be hard."

WRITER: "Super simple. Barely an inconvenience. They just look behind them and there's a ship."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow wow wow!"

WRITER: "Ultra Magnus lands on another metal world."

EXEC: "Populated by robots?"

WRITER: "Populated by robots made from rubbish!"

EXEC: "What?"

WRITER: "They're called Junkions, and this is the planet of Junk."

EXEC: "A whole globe made from rubbish?"

WRITER: "This world is flat."

EXEC: "That's okay. It's 1985 and nobody today believes in a flat world, so I'm sure nobody in the future would either."

WRITER: "What an odd thing for you to say. They start repairing the ship until they're attacked by the Junkions."

EXEC: "Do the Junkions perceive them as a threat?"

WRITER: "Not really. They've been watching them attempting to fix their ship for a while. They also saw the Decepticons attack them and kill Ultra Magnus, so while they're down on their luck they decide to launch a full scale assault."

EXEC: "Wow, they must be bad guys. They have red eyes, right?"

WRITER: "They sure do. But the Kup and the Dinobots arrive, and Snarl is in the ship too."

EXEC: "How?"

WRITER: "He just is. And Hot Rod makes friends with the Junkions."

EXEC: "An incredibly hostile and warlike race. It must've taken some careful tactical diplomacy to win them over."

WRITER: "Not at all. It turns out to be super easy, barely an inconvenience. Hot Rod just gives the leader, Wreck-Gar, an Energon lolly and greets him."

EXEC: "Wow."

WRITER: "Then they rebuild Ultra Magnus."

EXEC: "Let me guess, it's really easy and barely an inconvenience?"

WRITER: "That's right. They just put him back together. It's even easier than building a Lego set. So then they're all friends and decide to fly off to destroy Unicron."

EXEC: "Hot Rod is a diplomatic master! I bet when he becomes leader that there would be no more conflict."

WRITER: "Not at all. We're contracted to write another season of episodes so we're going to need more fights."

EXEC: "Fights are tight."

WRITER: "Galvatron tries to use the Matrix to kill Unicron, but it doesn't work so Unicron transforms into a giant robot."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow wow wow! Kids are going to love this toy!"

WRITER: "I've seen Hasbro's prototype. That thing's gonna sell like hotcakes next year! So then Unicron swallows Galvatron and begins attacking Cybertron and all the Decepticons start fighting back."

EXEC: "That must be one epic battle."

WRITER: "We see Decepticons flying around and shooting stuff, and we even see Starscream in the fight."

EXEC: "Didn't he die?"

WRITER: "I forgot about it so I wrote him into this scene so now he's there."

EXEC: "Fair enough."

WRITER: "Then the Autobots arrive by Unicron destroys the Junkions' ship."

EXEC: "All the Junkions are killed?"

WRITER: "They somehow survive. The Dinobots also attack Unicron's butt."

EXEC: "Butts are ti---."

WRITER: "Don't finish that sentence. Grimlock stomps, Sludge thrashes his tail, Swoop drops bombs and Slag burns a hole with his intense heat."

EXEC: "Does Snarl unleash some kind of solar storm attack?"

WRITER: "Snarl's not there."

EXEC: "He sucks at boarding shuttles on time."

WRITER: "He sure does. Then Hot Rod crashes the Quintesson ship through one of Unicron's eyes and they end up inside Unicron."

EXEC: "Are they immediately digested?"

WRITER: "No. It turns out that Unicron is surprisingly hollow inside, and he has a downward gravitational pull towards the floor. His defence system does eventually kick in, oh, and Hot Rod got separated from the group."

EXEC: "I see."

WRITER: "Hot Rod fights Galvatron while the others free Spike and the Autobots who were stationed on Cybertron's moons."

EXEC: "Convenient that they've been kept alive this whole time."

WRITER: "It sure is. Hot Rod manages to take the Matrix from Galvatron and then uses it to become Rodimus Prime and destroy Unicron."

EXEC: "Does he offer an Energon sweet to become friends with Galvatron?"

WRITER: "Nah, he just throws him out into space."

EXEC: "I don't see how that could possibly go wrong."

WRITER: "The good guys all manage to escape from Unicron before he explodes."

EXEC: "Wouldn't the falling debris from Unicron's exploded body devastate Cybertron below?"

WRITER: "Not at all. It all disintegrates except for his head who becomes a new moon."

EXEC: "Creepy."

WRITER: "Super creepy! Then Rodimus Prime declares the end of the Cybertronian wars and the movie ends."

EXEC: "Aren't you contracted to write another season?"

WRITER: "Yes, so shortly after this the war will continue."

EXEC: "Everyone makes mistake. I'm sure this Rodimus Prime will become an excellent leader and kids will quickly prefer him over Optimus Prime."

PITCH MEETING FOR TRANSFORMERS (2007)

EXEC: "So you have a script for a live action Transformers movie for me?"

WRITER: "I sure do. The movie starts off explaining about how the Transformers have been fighting this war for thousands of years from the planet Cybertron, and during the war this thing called the AllSpark which gave them all life is lost into space."

EXEC: "What's the AllSpark? I thought the Transformers were made by Primus or the Quintessons."

WRITER: "Nah, gods and aliens as creators would never work in a Transformers movie. So I came up with this thing that's called the AllSpark. It's a giant cube that's sometimes a tiny cube and is sometimes just called the Cube but other times called the AllSpark."

EXEC: "That's very inconsistent."

WRITER: "Yeah yeah yeah! So Megatron flies off into space in pursuit of the AllSpark."

EXEC: "In a ship with a crew?"

WRITER: "A crewed interstellar ship would never work in a Transformers movie. Megatron just flies off on his own, because he can do that."

EXEC: "Fair enough, I'm sure that he would have enough fuel escape Cybertron's gravity."

WRITER: "But then he succumbs to Earth's gravity and crashes into the North Pole, then freezes up and can't move."

EXEC: "He can survive -270 degree temperatures in space but not -30 degrees in the Arctic?"

WRITER: "I need a reason for Megatron and the Cube to fall into human captivity, so get off my back about it, okay?"

EXEC: "Fair enough. Tell me more."

WRITER: "Then the captain of the expedition ends up having the location of the AllSpark imprinted onto his glasses while in the Arctic."

EXEC: "So the Cube remains in the Arctic?"

WRITER: "No, it's moved to the bottom of the Hoover Dam."

EXEC: "So how would Megatron's computer know that before it was moved?"

WRITER: "I don't know."

EXEC: "Fair enough."

WRITER: "Then a Decepticon called Blackout attacks a US Army base in the Middle East to hack into the military network. A few soldiers survive so he deploys his Scorponok drone to hunt them down."

EXEC: "Why didn't Blackout use the drone to hack the network while he provided a distraction instead?"

WRITER: "Because I need to keep the network out of Decepticon hands for now to extend the story."

EXEC: "Okay."

WRITER: "The drone tracks down the soldiers and kills one of them."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow. Do we know his name?"

WRITER: "It doesn't matter. So a fight ensues."

EXEC: "It must be difficult to survive a fight with an alien killer robot in the middle of the desert."

WRITER: "Actually it's super easy. Barely an inconvenience. One of the soldiers finds a civilian with a mobile phone which has global roaming activated and there's enough credit on the account to make an extended overseas call."

EXEC: "How convenient."

WRITER: "And the soldier calls the Pentagon and tells them what's happening. They happen to have assets nearby so they send a plane that blows up the drone and the soldiers are rescued."

EXEC: "Blowing things up is tight!"

WRITER: "There'll be lots of that in this film."

EXEC: "Great!"

WRITER: "A little Decepticon called Frenzy who transforms into a radio is aboard Air Force One and hacks into the Military Network from there."

EXEC: "Why didn't the Decepticons just do that first? Seems easier than trying to bust into a military base."

WRITER: "Whoops. Anyway, the hack is stopped midway, but Frenzy finds out that the glasses with the AllSpark's coordinates are owned by some kid called Sam Witwicky."

EXEC: "What's wrong with Spike, Buster or Butch?"

WRITER: "Those names sound far too cartoony. But at least you didn't say Cade or Memo."

EXEC: "Okay."

WRITER: "So Frenzy goes back to another Decepticon called Barricade."

EXEC: "The Formula 1 race car?"

WRITER: "That's not gonna happen. He's a police car now. And they go to hunt down Sam, but Sam just bought a new second hand car who turns out to be Bumblebee."

EXEC: "How convenient!"

WRITER: "Super convenient. So Bumblebee saves Sam and his friend Mikaela from Barricade, and they become Bumblebee's first human friends. And during the fight, Mikaela beheads Frenzy and the head scans her phone and transforms into it, sneaking into her handbag."

EXEC: "Wow, so Mikaela can fight Decepticons! Bumblebee clearly has no other human allies or he would've contacted them by now."

WRITER: "That's right. Then Bumblebee sends out a beacon which summons the other Autobots to Earth."

EXEC: "Where were the other Autobots while the rest of the movie's been happening? Were they floating in orbit?"

WRITER: "It doesn't matter. But they arrive on Earth now."

EXEC: "As spaceships like Megatron?"

WRITER: "No, they're lumps of metallic rocks."

EXEC: "How do lumps of metal rocks have interstellar flight capability?"

WRITER: "I don't know."

EXEC: "Fair enough."

WRITER: "The Autobots scan different vehicles and transform into them, and Bumblebee scans a new Camaro car mode and transforms into that."

EXEC: "So the Transformers can change their alt mode at any time just by looking at stuff? Why don't they do that all the time to stop the enemy from detecting them?"

WRITER: "Because Hasbro needs to sell toys, okay?"

EXEC: "Selling toys is tight!"

WRITER: "It sure is. Optimus Prime introduces himself and the Autobots to Sam and Mikaela. He tells them that they learnt to speak Earth's languages from the internet and he sometimes uses internet expressions like, 'my bad,' because that's how we connect with you people."

EXEC: "One three three seven, total ownage noob!"

WRITER: "I might use that line in the next TV series."

EXEC: "You do that."

WRITER: "Thanks. Optimus Prime explains that Megatron wants to use the AllSpark to turn all of Earth's machines into Decepticons."

EXEC: "What if he'd landed on a planet without technology?"

WRITER: "We'd have a live action Beast Wars movie."

EXEC: "That would be awesome. What if the planet was incapable of supporting life?"

WRITER: "A live action Rock Lords movie."

EXEC: "I'm sorry I asked."

WRITER: "Then these secret service guys called Sector 7 capture Sam and Mikaela, and it turns out that Mikaela has a juvenile record because she used to steal cars with her dad. She also understands car engines way better than Sam does, whereas Sam has grown up in insular privilege."

EXEC: "So she's actually the more intelligent and savvy one of the pair, and you've already established that she's a better fighter than Sam. Are you going to play up this aspect of the character?"

WRITER: "Not really. I'm going to cast someone who's really photogenic and shoot her at sexy angles so that the audience can focus on her attractiveness rather than her character."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow."

WRITER: "Optimus Prime grabs their car and drops it while ripping off the roof to rescue Sam and Mikaela."

EXEC: "Wow, sounds like he could've hurt someone. Wouldn't it make more sense for the Autobots to barricade the road and then rip off the roof while the vehicle is stationary?"

WRITER: "Barricade's a Decepticon."

EXEC: "That's not what I meant."

WRITER: "Okay. But then Sector 7 reinforcements arrive and they capture Sam, Mikaela and Bumblebee."

EXEC: "Where are the other Autobots?"

WRITER: "They just hang back and let this happen."

EXEC: "Why would they do that?"

WRITER: "Because I need the story to move along."

EXEC: "Okay then. But at least the Decepticons can't get to Megatron and the AllSpark."

WRITER: "Actually it's super easy, barely an inconvenience. Sam and Mikaela are brought into Sector 7's secret base and they don't even confiscate Mikaela's phone, who of course is Frenzy."

EXEC: "You can't even enter a courthouse or a school exam with a phone, but she can waltz into a top secret base with one?"

WRITER: "That's right."

EXEC: "Alright. Tell me more."

WRITER: "Megatron and the AllSpark are held in the same place."

EXEC: "Super convenient!"

WRITER: "Frenzy disables the cryogenic system that's keeping Megatron in stasis, and he contacts Starscream to lead a strike."

EXEC: "But Starscream's going to betray Megatron somehow."

WRITER: "Actually he's fiercely loyal to Megatron. Plus he looks like a Dorito chip now."

EXEC: "Loyal corn chips are tight!"

WRITER: "Megatron escapes and tells everyone that his name is Megatron."

EXEC: "How does he speak English? You said that the other Transformers learnt Earth's languages through the internet, but Megatron was frozen like a hundred years ago."

WRITER: "I don't know."

EXEC: "Fair enough."

WRITER: "But the other Decepticons can speak Cybertronian with transforming subtitles."

EXEC: "But not their leader?"

WRITER: "No. He chooses to speak in a human language as part of his contempt for humanity."

EXEC: "That makes no sense."

WRITER: "I know, but I'm going to assume that the audience is too stupid to watch a partially subtitled film."

EXEC: "Fair enough. It's probably why Star Trek is better than Star Wars."

WRITER: "You really are a Paramount exec. Optimus Prime has already found the dam because he tracked the location on the glasses. But then Bumblebee and the army guys have to take the AllSpark Cube away from Megatron."

EXEC: "So they drive it into some defensible location far away from any populated centres?"

WRITER: "No they do not. They do the opposite and drive into the nearest city."

EXEC: "Wow."

WRITER: "There's a big fight in the city involving Bonecrusher..."

EXEC: "The bulldozer."

WRITER: "He's a mine clearance vehicle. Then there's Devastator."

EXEC: "Bonecrusher and Devastator exist independently?"

WRITER: "Devastator is a green Decepticon tank."

EXEC: "Like Brawl?"

WRITER: "Yeah yeah yeah. Hasbro's calling the toy Brawl but I'm calling him Devastator."

EXEC: "I guess it'd be too hard to change the name in the film now."

WRITER: "Actually it'd be super easy, barely an inconvenience. We only ever hear people address Devastator in Cybertronian, which is just a mumbo jumbo garble of sounds anyway, and the name just appears in subtitled text which we could change easily enough."

EXEC: "So why don't you?"

WRITER: "Because I don't want to. Besides, it's not as if the actual Devastator would appear in a live action Transformers film."

EXEC: "That's a good point."

WRITER: "Sam runs around with the Cube screaming a lot and has to be constantly rescued. Bumblebee has his legs blown off, so Mikaela hooks him up to a tow truck, then hotwires it so that she can drive while he shoots."

EXEC: "Mikaela is really smart and good at improvising solutions under extreme pressure!"

WRITER: "She'll also be wearing a tight shirt that exposes her belly."

EXEC: "Oh! Tight shirts are tight!"

WRITER: "They sure are. Jazz is brutally killed in the fight."

EXEC: "Wow wow wow. The Autobots must be devastated over the loss of his second in command."

WRITER: "Surprisingly they won't be. Optimus Prime will just mention Jazz's name and the other Autobots won't even mention him ever again after this. So Sam finally does something useful and shoves the Cube into Megatron's chest that kills him."

EXEC: "You're killing off Megatron at the end of this movie? What about sequels?"

WRITER: "Don't worry, we'll come up with new and creative ideas for the Decepticon leaders in the sequels."

https://i.ibb.co/ByCJVFC/temp.jpg

This needs to be made by Screen Rant just so I can hear the line "Loyal corn chips are tight!" :D

:D

Seems pretty plausible. I feel like the 07 version just needs Michael Bay appearing via conference call, shouting "AND THEN EXPLOSIONS!" at random.