Need some Advice...

[Zaul]

I dont really know where else to ask, The OTCA Community has been so kind to me since day one and the people I've met at the Meetings will be friends for life.

Firstly let me say I didn't sell my Universe collection off, I would be a fool to, I've taken em off ebay and Ive stored them away and plan to keep collecting when/if I come back.

Here's my situation.

I've known a Girl online for 8 years, during that time we kind of fell in love, as much as an internet couple could, but I kind of broke it up when It became apparent we probably wouldn't see each other due to school/money restrictions.

She ended up dating another guy, and I went my separate way, but after getting the gut feeling something wasn't right I found out he wasn't treating her very well and was a heavy drinker.

Being the good nature soul I am I helped her get through it and move on, however she was heart broken and I Guess the term was burned for quiet a while.

Anyways we got talking again, and I admitted to her I still liked her, she said she liked me too but would not admit anything further until we had a chance to meet and we actually got to know each other face to face.

So I decided Screw it, Im gonna go visit her.

I dropped all my plans, got the quickest job I could find and started saving hard.

Things were going ok in the 3 months while I was saving, but something bothered me.
She wouldn't tell her Parents I was coming, despite being 22 and living on her own she was worried they might think less of her and think that I'm some internet stalker or something stupid like that.

So I had to keep the trip a secret, and on facebook that's rather difficult when everyones linked.

Anyways about a week ago I was talking to one of her friends, whom I Thought was her best friend, and some info kind of got leaked.

Next thing I know I get a horrible email from my friend in Canada saying she isnt happy and basically this friend of hers had been blasting her ear out with ' OMG DONT HE'S AN INTERNET RAPIST, IM TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE HERE , HE KEEPS ASKING HOW YOU ARE '.

What Hurts me here is I've done all the hard work for this visit, I've saved up nearly $5000 all for a chance on what I Thought was going to be love, we have alot of chemistry and we get along well but these things really bother me.

What realllllllllllly pisses me off is the fact I'm considered a stalker in her friends eyes because I ask how she is sometimes, which just makes me rage due to the fact that when you like someone , and I assume they like you back you want to hear about them and spend time together.

So here I am 2 weeks out of the trip, basically with a seal over my mouth about posting anything on facebook at all now.. she told her friend she blocked me and thats that, but I cant help but wonder if Im getting the raw end of the deal here.

I'm not a demanding guy, and I'm very patient, but due to the fact she wont tell her parents im coming Basically the whole thing has to be keept a secret, lest this big mouth friend of hers spills the beans to her parents, gets them worried and she's forced to explain the situation.

Does anyone else think Im being played a bit here?

This post might sound negative about the poor girl but she's been a good friend of mine for so long, I understand she's in a difficult position but in times like this I feel she needs to grow a spine.

I hate being considered a secret, not being able to post on facebook, not being able to let anyone know im going blah blah blah. I mean christ im 22, she's 22, we are adults now, and Im past the stage in my life where I want to play games with peoples emotions.

What makes this so hard is she's the only girl Ive ever known that really likes me, and she's the only one Ive ever had strong feelings for, even though it is so long distance..

This isn't the first problem we've had but it is the most recent, I was really looking forward to this trip to Canada too, I dont really know what to do anymore, I paid a fortune for a work visa, but I just feel like she doesn't care or something.

[Deceptic_Optic]

Just go with your gut instinct man! I know this sound mean but I have dated online before and you just cant trust them until you actually meet them in person and find out what they really are. If you think your getting played make sure you always have a back up plan, cos if you think this is the only chance to find love then risk it. But think of the pros and cons of you going overseas, think of the worst things that could happen and think if all of this your doing is worth it for a girl that you only met and talked to online and never have met before. Lets be realistic here if you feel strongly about and if you really like her go for it! but prepare for the consiquences and heartaches if it does happen, all I can say from my perspective and experiences and I am sorry to say that it never works out. Hopefully i'm wrong in your case cos there are still some people who are very succesful with online dating. Again, before making any rushed decisions just think of the pros and cons and go from there,. Hope this helps? Goodluck!

[Deonasis]

I think her friends are behaving quite naturally; trying to look after their friend. Expect to see them alot, probably at your first meeting too. Encourage meeting her friends because until they know your a good guy they should be protective. Accept that her friends will be hesitant. Don't worry about proving your good guy-ness, her friends will see that over time, or she'll discover her friends fears are misguided.

Just go over there, relax, don't try and prove yourself, and have a good time.

[1AZRAEL1]

You never know if you never go. In my opinion, go and find out, otherwise you may regret never finding out, in either event that it works out or not. Knowing the outcome is better than looking back on it and saying, "I wish I did it"
One day you may regret not going for it.

Sometimes it can work out, I met my fiance on Myspace

Besides, if it all doesnt work out, it would be quite nice for a holiday to go somewhere overseas, and that I am jealous of because now that I am weighed down with a mortgage, I won't have the chance for that for a very long time

[Tiby]

This is something I've seen time and again, but from the other end. Zaul, you are right in saying that when people are together, or want to be together, they usually ask a lot about each other and want to visit a lot. However, these very same actions can be seen as stalking or unwanted attention, if the feelings are not shared or, in your case, someone else is interfering.

I guess you need to weigh up the "what if" factor: If you never went, will you always wonder? I guess at worst you will have a holiday and and expensive what if, and at best you will meet someone special.

Just be careful. People who assume the worst about others usually do so because they themselves think about doing the worst to others, and simply project. Don't let love dull your wits - if anyone here is sinister it may be her friend.

While it may sound like the friend is simply being protective, what are her real reasons? Jealousy? Not wanting to risk losing her friend to a boyfriend? etc. In almost every decision people make, there is a personal advantage reason for it. Selfish is not a dirty word, just human nature.

[Sky Shadow]

I would say, definitely go to Canada, but don't let your relationship with this girl be the be-all-and-end-all of the trip. If it works out, great - you can have a wonderful time together. But if it doesn't work, just have an awesome time experiencing everything that Canada has to offer. Don't worry too much about the secrecy now, but once you're there, it's not fair if she continues to keep you a secret - it's not a balanced or fair friendship or relationship unless she's proud enough of you to make you an open part of her life. Be confident - she's lucky to have you - someone who's willing to go halfway around the world to see her. If she doesn't appreciate that, it's her loss, not yours.

[d*r*j*]

When I was younger I was in a very similar situation. She was in america and I ended up not going, I don't regret it at all. Everyone is giving you advice with no real information, but read your own words;

What makes this so hard is she's the only girl Ive ever known that really likes me, and she's the only one Ive ever had strong feelings for, even though it is so long distance...

Surely if the only girl who you have ever felt liked by is on the computer... you need to meet more girls, improve your circumstances, be independant and grow into a man naturally. I don't mean this to sound condescending, but I'm 30 and was in the same place as you once.

[autobreadticon]

her friend could be a dungeon monster and i won't see get to hear from you for another 15 years

[Zaul]

Another update for everyone.

It seems she was in a funny mood, she had been doing 9 hour car trips across canada, some things were said and she is very sorry.

Tonight she logged on and gave me like a 2 hour voice chat and still wants me to visit, calling me her handsome aussie and wanting to take me to the movies ect.

She really is a good person, but she sometimes has these mood swings.. once a month.. *rolls eyes*.

Anyways I haven't made up my mind either way yet, but I want to extend my gratitude to the OCTA Community.

You all reached out in my time of need with worthy advice , and I'm truly honored to have such awesome friends.

Wherever I go , whether it be Canada or Somewhere in Aus I will always contribute here to the best of my ability and If I can ever help down with tracking some figures then Im in debt to you all.

[1AZRAEL1]

Could possibly be coz she was under alot of stress.

Hopefully it does work out for you dude.

At least you know that wherever you end up, you will always have people to talk to here