The Most Useless Transformers You've Never Heard Of!

[M-bot]

Name: Sneaker

Allegiance: Autobot

Function: Spy

Alt mode: Electric car

Motto: "Gotcha!”

Abilities: Armed with engine block sound dampeners and impeccably lubricated joints and servos, Sneaker is able to move in virtual silence both in vehicle and robot mode. Coupled with his ability to see all light frequencies and perceive even the faintest of light sources, he is literally able to see in the dark. His relatively small size and double joints means he can fit himself into spaces too tight for most larger ‘bots.

Weaknesses: Sneaker’s ability to sneak around undetected means he has developed a penchant for practical jokes that constantly gets him into trouble with his Autobot superiors. The Autobots tolerated the time he secured a remote control to Prowl’s police car mode lights, turning them on and off during mission briefings; they excused him for replacing Jazz’s entire Earth-music collection with the complete works of Celine Dion; they could not, however, forgive him for the now-infamous “hungry-robo-ferret-in-Optimus-Prime’s-exhaust-pipe” incident. He has been confined to quarters ever since.

[M-bot]

Name: Brainwave

Allegiance: Decepticon

Function: Psychological warfare

Alt mode: Ice cream van

Motto: "I just love pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows!” *

Abilities: Brainwave is an empath, with the ability to detect and tune in to the very specific brainwave frequencies of any organism, giving him the ability to predict their every thought, often discerning their next move even before they make it. This talent makes him an extremely dangerous foe in a fight, and Autobots will often give him a wide berth on the battlefield.

Weaknesses: Unfortunately for Brainwave, the first victim he used his abilities on after arriving on Earth was a four-year-old girl with a Care Bears obsession. The experience was so injurious to his psyche that he found himself simply unable to hate the Autobots any longer. For a while, he tried to exhort and cajole his Decepticon teammates around to his way of thinking, sometimes leaving them short notes of encouragement. They were hoping he would snap out of it, warily accepting his decision to redecorate his quarters with rainbow murals. Sadly, he met his end when he suggested that Starscream should “turn that frown upside down” and had his head blown off for his trouble.

(*You'll love them too... go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWM2joNb9NE and have your mind blown.)

[M-bot]

Over to you, OTCA... anyone else want to join in the fun?

[Geminii]

I'll admit Trashcan made me laugh.

[GoktimusPrime]

Over to you, OTCA... anyone else want to join in the fun?

Scattor

I've largely copied the old Tech Specs format from the old toys (thanks to Bob Budiansky!)

Actually the format is based on Marvel G1's "Transformers Universe" profiles (or "Transformers A-Z" as it was called in the UK comics) which they used to print at the back of some issues. (archived here) -- of course, Marvel writers like Budiansky wrote many of the TFU profiles and toy tech specs so there's heaps of similarities. The TFUs are often more expanded versions of the toy tech specs.

[Hursticon]

Excellent work M-Bot, I've got to agree with Geminii in that Trashcan's is hilarious!