I need to vent!

[blackie]

cut ties mate

its not worth putting yourself through the trouble again
she was the one who stuffed up, now she has to live with her own mistakes, its not up to you to make it all better now

[Golden Phoenix]

cut ties mate

its not worth putting yourself through the trouble again
she was the one who stuffed up, now she has to live with her own mistakes, its not up to you to make it all better now

This

It is also the best for you. If she wants to stay friends then let the dust settle, give it 6 months and then maybe possible consider the idea of being friends again.

That way you can let go of everything. Let your feelings for her go, and possibly even meet someone else.
Makes it a bit less complicated.

[heroic_decepticon]

So, my ex wants me to stay her best friend.
This is hard on me, because she doesn't have anybody at the moment. Nobody wants to be around her, and here I am... Being myself, I can't help but care and as such I have re-fallen for her, and as such am expecting something... Something I have been told wont be given to anybody until the end of the year at least.

I need to get away, I want to be her friend but it hurts me so much because of what she has put me through and is doing right now (luckily it is only PG rated... but I don't know how long that will keep up... and then the real pain starts)

Not even that guy wants anything to do with her, he's a jackass.

Then here I am, being to caring a person to let any call go unheard.
What do I do? I've tried to tell her that I can't be her friend because of what happened. She told me that all she needs now is me as a friend because she has nobody else.

Anyway, I stayed over last night and took her out to dinner tonight. I feel that I am weak and need to move on, but at the same time I just can't...

damn.

when you look back at this point in your life on hindsight, you will realise that you were not thinking clear. You'd also realise that getting back with her or being near her now so soon after that event is (normally) not a good idea. BUT, the above or what we said above is very unlikely to cut through the haze that you are in now....

all the best, mate!

[GoktimusPrime]

I agree with what others have said KillinSpoon, you need to make a break from her. She says she needs you to support her, but quite frankly you are - as they say in Star Trek - emotionally compromised and currently unfit to commandbe her friend.

Since this is your first break up, be aware that "getting over" a former lover does NOT mean you have to forget about her completely or stop having any fond feelings for her. However what's happening to you now is that you experienced loss (loss of your relationship and girlfriend) and are therefore going through grief. Click here to read about the commonly accepted 5 stages of grief. Once you have reached Stage 5 (Acceptance), then you might consider being friends with your ex-girlfriend... but absolutely not before then. Cos then it'd be like Spock returning to the bridge of the Enterprise when he's still feeling p!ssed off about the loss of his mother and Vulcan and possibly still wanting to crush Kirk with his bare hands. Die... Autobot! *ahem*

Look, we're not professionals here in terms of helping you with your mental health issues -- so really, see your doctor. S/he will be able to offer your professional and practical advice and even refer you to a specialist (e.g. therapist) to help you manage your loss. There's no shame in seeing a doctor about mental health issues - after all, if you had a physical injury you'd see a doctor, right? At the moment you are mentally injured - your heart is broken, dude! If your heart was broken in a physical manner, you'd go see a doctor and possibly get a referral to a cardiologist. Your emotional heart is now broken... so why not see a doctor and maybe get a referral to a therapist? Particularly if they bulk bill through Medicare.

In the meantime, here are some links which may help you:
http://www.lifeline.org.au (Phone: 13 11 14)
http://www.beyondblue.org.au
http://au.reachout.com

And you can forward those details to your ex-girlfriend if she feels that she has nobody else to talk to. Because you're probably not in a position to be able to help her anyway. Have you done first aid? If so then you know that the first rule is "Danger" -- before attempting to assist or rescue someone, you have to assess the danger to yourself. Otherwise there will be two casualties instead of one. If there is danger to yourself then you do not proceed with rendering assistance/rescue. Right now I suspect that if you tried to be friends with her, then you are exposing yourself to danger of being even more BADLY hurt - which would then possibly make it even more difficult to heal from.

Good luck

-------------------------

"Doctor, I am emotionally compromised and no longer fit for command, please note the time and date in the ship's log."

[1AZRAEL1]

I know that. She has nobody around because of what she has done. She needs to learn the repercussions of her mistakes. Best that you move on and don't contact her for a long time. Time will heal, I lost contact with my exs for a while, and was better for it. I still don't talk tho em, even though my first ex added me on facebook a long time ago. Was more to see how she was doing after 6 years of no contact. And my last gf I saw at a concert not long after we broke up and I was just in a new relationship with my now fiance. Past feelings nearly clouded my judgement, but thought the better of it. Now I am engaged, own a house, and couldn't be more happier.


Trust me though, you will be much better off not contacting her for a long while, it will help you out in the long run.

[UltraMarginal]

What they said.

She must surely have a best girlfriend or some family to go to. Let them pick up her pieces. If you get back together now, how long will it be before she breaks your heart again.

Take some time off, like everyone else said. if after 6 months, you try being friends and it grows into a closer relationship again, there is much less chance she'll cheat on you again because of the outcome of the first event.

you need to take time apart to help each of you heal individually.

Like Gok said though, none of us are professionals in this field, that I'm aware of, if you don't want to share more with your close friends and family, then go see your GP or contact the links he gave you.

Of course, you need to follow your heart, but sometimes even the best thing for healing a heart is to take time apart. you're obviously a Good person, and perhaps now she is starting to realise what she just broke.

all the best

[Hursticon]

Well Killingspoon, I think you can gather what our collective opinions and advice is, the ball is in your court dude and I know that it is a horribly hard decision that stands before you dude.
Whatever decision you go with man, we'll stand behind you but just make sure you give it some long and hard thought.

*Edit: Just re-reading UltraMarginal's post reminded me of something my Mother always told me, "Follow your Heart, but lead with your Head".


My own 2 cents?: As a person who has always been 'The nice guy' too - Walk away mate, save yourself from prolonged anguish because from my experience the nice guy really does always finish last. <- Hence why I really detest that saying.
Besides, if the 'other guy' doesn't want to be near her either, that actually speaks volumes about her.

[Sky Shadow]

KillinSpoon - don't let your ex be the one in control. If she truly regrets what she's done and wants to get back together with you, consider that. If she just wants to be friends, don't, and get on with your life without her. Because if you keep letting her get what she wants then it makes you the one without power in the relationship, which will just continue while she keeps stomping on your heart.

People keep saying "there's plenty more fish in the sea", and you need to appreciate what that means. When you go fishing, you don't try to catch a specific fish, you just stick your line in the sea and try to catch one. If you focus on and obsess about a specific fish (as nice guys do) you'll just end up mad like Captain Ahab.

(Yes, I know a whale is not a fish.)

[Hursticon]

(Yes, I know a whale is not a fish.)

I was SO going to hit you up on that.

[Sky Shadow]

I was SO going to hit you up on that.

(And, for people like Goktimus who only speak Transformers, when I say "Captain Ahab", I mean "Longtooth in Transformers US #64 or TFUK #286-289". )