When collecting TFs becomes a selfish obsession...

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This is severely disappointing.

I will not even pretend to even say I know you very well even though we've helped each other in the past but I hope to simply put matters into perspective. I unfortunately cannot begin to empathise with your position but I do understand where you are coming from. And so I proffer this in response to the solecism that beleaguers you. There seem to be two issues here that need to be demarcated. At this present juncture, it would appear they are hopelessly tangled together and contributing to your disgruntled mindset, Mel. I hope that by delineating them, it will ease your state of mind.

1.) Not being contacted in relation to the Jetstorm/Jetfire.
2.) Resentment about what you perceive as a “gang” monopolizing Victorian acquisitions.

In relation to your first issue, many of us here have never been in the habit of mass SMSs. I deeply appreciate your effort on the occasion you told us about the 25th Anniversary Prime and Bruticus but rarely does a tocsin ring in our minds each time a new sighting is made that indicates to us the necessity of contacting any and all members. More often than not, there is a message to one or two people who we see regularly or share the same hunting grounds but that is followed up by a prompt report on the boards. There is no hiding or deliberate exclusion of anybody. It is a matter of efficacy and practicality that dictates the use of this board as the most useful and primary tool with which to inform other board members of where to look.

In this particular instance, as has been previously laboured, Stompy (thanks again mate) contacted the two who he knew would be in the area and most easily be able to get down there unencumbered the location. He had no intention of concealing it for the benefit of a specific group or himself. Furthermore, Jaydisc before he left in his excitement posted on the forum immediately the find. At no point was there an intention to exclude anyone. It was there for all if they were online. And therein lies the truth of the matter. Sometimes it pays to be online at the right time. I am barely in the course of a day online all day other than the morning and late night. I too would have been an excluded member if not for the text from Stompy. Of that I am grateful but I, as well as others, can expect no more of Stompy than what he did. No obligation should ever be superimposed on any member as to how he or she chooses to inform others. That is obsessive and unjustly self-centred.

We as a community possess the capacity for kindness but it is never the role of this community to impose on members a code or methodology for sharing information. That strips this community of its very character, its capacity to help. We choose to help in our own ways and it is a wonderful thing that we do. But it would drain the life and character of this community if each and everyone member was expected to subscribe to a sense of obligation to contact all others. If we start to impose a sense of obligation, we start to impose guilt on members. We start to make it a burden.

And this turns me to the second issue that ails you: a resentment and feeling that your opportunities are being limited by a “gang” inhibiting your ability to locate the Transformers that you want. In my mind, there are three limbs to this.

a.) Deprivation of the opportunity to buy the newly released Transformer
First, I wish to put this into perspective. Of all of the recent toys that have been released, has there been one that anyone has ended up missing out on? Certainly not everyone rides the first wave of a new release but eventually we all have the opportunity to acquire those toys. Never yet has there been a deprivation of anyone’s rights to acquire a toy. Just as Iceburn unearthed the Special Editions first, we all found them soon enough. Just as Paulbot was first to discover the Classics 2.0 Two-packs, we all found them in due course. Patience is a virtue as everything becomes available in due course in quantities to satisfy everyone.

b.) Exclusion from the Opportunity/Acquisition
Secondly, it is that first find that excites one, that makes feel one left out if it is not he or she is part of it. But that in itself is unfair. Why is that so? If you put things into perspective, not everyone has the financial ability to buy something for everyone else. Between Jaydisc and myself yesterday for instance, we picked up six sets of the TFA Jetstorm/Jetfire two-pack. That amounts to $180. In an ideal world, we’d love to grab one for everyone. But the reality is, we can’t. We have families, we have partners, we have children, we have other financial obligations. So try as we might, And that brings me to the aforementioned issue of guilt.

If we start placing people in a situation where they feel guilt for not being able to accommodate someone, this places an unfair burden on a member. The moment we start to have members feel guilty about being unable to help someone else there begins to be a very real danger lassitude will set in. And that is not something we can have. Members do there very best and at the end of the day, you cannot expect them to do anymore than that. As much as they want to, they can’t help everyone. And I hope that no one will ever expect that. Guilt is destructive. Especially we it is based on expectations that impose unfair burdens on others.

Onto broader issues…

The concept of this community is built on the kindness that we are willing to extend to others. But to what extent does the assistance in acquisition of toys constitute the desideratum for a member being here? I would like to think that this place is more than that. It is a place where likeminded people come together to share their common appreciation of a hobby that is fun. It is so much more than simply a place where people can seek and purchase toys for others. It is a place with a voice, a voice made up of all of its members. Some love it for fiction, some for nostalgia, some for animation, some for the engineering - but whatever that purpose we are here together not because this is a means to extending our collections; but because we share a common interest.

Finally, there seems to be an issue of kindness and reciprocation. Kindness and reciprocation are not inextricably interwoven. Reciprocation, as lovely as it is, is not something one should ever expect. That only brings with it disappointment and expectations that lead one to disappointment. When one acts in kindness, it should not be for the purpose of expecting reciprocation. One’s capacity for kindness should be dictated by what he or she feels they should do; not by the expectation that their act of kindness will be reciprocated. Otherwise, what is kindness other than a bargaining chip?

Earlier this week, one of my elderly neighbour’s (a widow) who I regularly help with the shopping and mowing her lawn and the occasional house chores, dropped by at 9:00 in the morning. At first I’d thought it was the postman with a delivery. Bleary eyed, I was disappointed to find my neighbour there and not a parcel. BUT what she had for my family was a large bag of Baker’s Delight cakes and rolls. When I help her, it is never my expectation that it be reciprocated. However, if it does come, it is deeply appreciated. BUT never should a person be saddened if their act of kindness is not reciprocated. That strips away the purpose of kindness, it makes it conditional, it makes it selfish.

And that is not right.

When we help, when we exercise the capacity for human kindness it is not a baton with which we wield to procure acts of kindness. It loses sight of what kindness is. Kindness is more than just a phone call, more than just a text, more than just buying a fellow collector a newly released Transformer. Kindness is about our capacity to give unconditionally, to help make this community, this world a better place. I have done many years of community service but never do I hold it over someone else’s head. Not always has my kindness been reciprocated. Sometimes I never meet people I help again. Such as people I help take groceries out to the car or buy a meal for. But that doesn’t matter because what truly mattered was that in a window, in a small window in that person’s life, was I able to do something kind. Kindness is about what you can give, not what you can give in return. It should not have strings of guilt and obligation attached to it.

Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that this is a community that hinges on people’s good faith, people’s capacity for kindness. Sometimes the chips fall our way, sometimes they do not. We have all been on the receiving end of kindness but it is never intended to be personal when a person misses out.

Get over it.

This isn’t about you. This isn’t about anyone. And it never was. And nor should it be. The wonder of this community lies in its ability to bring people together, to generate an atmosphere where would-be strangers come together because a common interest, a place to share in their love of Transformers – whatever form that may assume.

To limit it to the undivided assistance of others to the acquisition of toys, would constitute a sad departure from the glue that holds this place together, that makes this place a fun place to be, that makes this place a worthwhile place to be. There is and should be more that brings us together as a community and the day we lose sight of that, we lose sight of what really matters.